Dag Hammarskjöld Department of External Affairs Building (NEWS UPDATE)

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Mr. Simfan had accepted a two-weeks long fact-finding mission to Ethiopia.

[Simfan34]

It is my immense honor to accept this privilege.

[Donerail]

Is additional funding being allocated to pay for these junkets?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Report:France

While I didn't have the privilege of speaking with President Francois Hollande, I was able to see someone with potentially more importance during my stay. Former Syrian Brigadier General Manaf Tlass, a recent defector, was available. A man who has condemned the violent tactics of Assad's government and is favored by many to lead post-Assad, Syria, he was everything my recent check on google images said he would be.

As I was escorted to his dwelling place--the bombed out shell of a tank (in an undisclosed location)--Tlass climbed out of the top of the tank. While he was too busy to discuss geopolitics, he was free to go hunting for a while. Taking down a lion with his bare hands, he roasted it on a spit over fire that sprung just by Manaf giving the firewood a stern look. As a gang of assassins from Assad's government hopped out from behind a large rock, he took each of them down, then laid their bodies in a pile next to the fire. They'd be next. Hunting had worked up quite an appetite.

You may be wondering, "Is Ambassador Cathcon telling the truth?" Well, dear reader, if I am lying, it can only mean that the truth is too classified and dangerous to be let out in public. For all you know, I made up this narrative to distract from rumors than Tlass is actually building up an army in secret and preparing to storm Syria next wee- oops.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Mr. Secretary, you and Ambassador Cathcon have both been summoned before the Committee on National Security to testify about the pending Treaty Ratification Amendment.  Please report immediately and submit your testimony.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Ambassador Cathcon cannot testify due to not being in Nyman.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

I can be Ambassador to Germany?!

[Kaine for Senate '18]

He can testify via videoconference.  And we await your testimony, Mr. SoEA/Vice President.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Germany: Guess I'm acting SoEA

Well, while swigging beer with Merkel in Germany, I received a phone call from the Dag Jammskjold building. Thinking it my mistress/secretary being stupid and using an office phone to call me, I ignored it. However, the call persisted and finally I answered it. "Dammit Sarah, why are you calling me on a work phone?" Except I was in fact answered by President Napoleon, informing me that my boss had gone mysteriously missing and that I was in fact, Acting Secretary of External Affairs. Strange office to hold while abroad, but I accepted it nonetheless. While the trip to Germany proved largely fruitless due to this distraction as well as myself asking Merkel only a few questions before we headed down to a bar/pub/watering hole, regardless I am proud of what I've accomplished on this trip.

But now, my business is in heading the Department of External Affairs from a hotel room in Berlin.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

We're still waiting for the SoEA to testify.  He had better do so soon.

[Napoleon]

We're still waiting for the SoEA to testify.  He had better do so soon.

The SoEA is unavailable, but my administration's position has been provided.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Ambassador Cathcon back in the country

"Russia was the last stop on my trip. It was as well the least unpleasant. They don't like what they refer to as "filthy American imperialists", of which I was apparently one. I'd like to say the trip as a whole helped create better international cooperation on the issue of Syria which was developing even as I shuttled between countries. However, in Germany I was sidetracked first by attending a beer garden with Merkel, and then in Russia by, well, being shot at. However, my visits to England and France I'd say were very productive and I'm glad to have had the chance to meet with leaders in both those countries.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Mr. Ambassador, if you could please head over to the SNSC, we're waiting for your testimony.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I was recently contacted by our President, Mr. Napoleon, to serve as Acting Secretary of External Affairs once again in light of recent personal troubles the Vice President and official Secretary is going through. We are all hoping for the best for Kal. Until the return of the Vice President, all questions should go to me. Thank you.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

With Kalwejt having resigned and the office of Secretary of External Affairs still vacant, as far as I'm aware, I remain Acting Secretary.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

CATHCON GO TESTIFY BEFORE MY COMMITTEE DAMN IT!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

CATHCON GO TESTIFY BEFORE MY COMMITTEE DAMN IT!

While recently discussing the situation the department is in with our President, Napoleon, he seemed to claim that he had already discussed the issues for his administration.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Now you're job is to testify as a potential nominee, however.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I was confirmed by the Senate yesterday and was sworn in today. I'd like to thank my predecessor Kalwejt, President Napoleon, the Senate, and, back to where it all began, the Mideast voters. You guys are great. Getting down to business, I'll shortly be announcing my first actions as Secretary of External Affairs.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Good luck, Cathcon. Looking forward to your tenure as SoEA.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

First of all: I welcome the appointment of AndrewTX (or whatever his real name is) to the position of Ambassador. It is a position I previously served in and welcome a successor to, though I'm aware Andrew holds vastly greater seniority over me.

Point B: We strongly condemn the attacks on our embassy in Egypt and we mourn the death of diplomat Christopher Stevens and others who were killed. This will be addressed.

Fourthly: I will soon be embarking on a diplomatic mission to Iran. While I served as Ambassador during Kalwejt's tenure, I did not have an encounter with the Iranian diplomats and now would like to establish my own contact with them.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Tomorrow, I leave for Tehran on my first trip as Secretary of External Affairs.