Dag Hammarskjöld Department of External Affairs Building (NEWS UPDATE)

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I suppose my work office shall be opened in here.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Dammit! How did they stick me with an office that lacks windows?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I thank the Secretary of External Affairs for this opportunity and will be embarking shortly upon my diplomatic mission.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

July 25th, 2012
The Ambassador made a brief glance back at the airport before making the final step onto the plane headed for London. Over the past two weeks he'd been briefed on the history of Syria, the current situation, the issues, and the major players. On his trip he'd be meeting with members of the foreign policy departments of a number of nations including England, France, and Germany.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Report, 7-27-2012
I arrived in London in time to find the embassy before the Olympics. I didn't have a ticket or a seat and most of the British major officials' schedules were busy, but I was able to shake hands with workers at the embassy and talk to a British expert on Syria. I'd only be able to meet with British First Secretary of State William Hague early the next morning.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Report, 7-28-2012
"My God, what awful teeth he has", I thought as I shook hands with the head of Prime Minister Cameron's foreign policy team, First Secretary of State William Hague. The man had a long career in Parliament, stretching back to the late 1980's, so I felt I should respect him nonetheless. "I suppose the issue we're here to discuss today is Syria." said one of the lower officials. "Yes", I concurred. "Right now I've been informed that out in Syria that regime forces are shelling some place called 'Aleppo'." "That's just begun happening.", piped up one of Hague's underlings. "I think before we agree on anything, it should be made clear that right now that Atlasia is unlikely to go to war. The citizens are estimated to be decided against a motion to allow military force against Iran two to one. Also, our President, Napoleon, is himself quite against war and will likely veto the bill should it even reach his desk. That said, it is unlikely of him to approve of open military action against Syria either." "Perfectly understood", replied Hague, "Great Britain as well has only taken action via diplomacy thus far. In April we attended a 75 nation conference in Istanbul. One of the main issues I've talked about is placing this back into the hands of the U.N. Security Council. However, for now, we've recognized the Syrian National Council as the legitimate government in the area." "As have both the country I represent, Atlasia, and France."

Discussion continued throughout the meeting. Among the topics discussed were the idea of aiding the Syrian National Council, the issue of Russia and China's veto over foreign intervention and how that affected out ability to aid them, and for post-Assad Syria. It seemed inevitable by now that Assad was unlikely to come out of this as the ruler of Syria and the issue of recent defector Manaf Tlass, known for incredible photo-ops, came up. It was decided that I would be soon making my next stop, this time in France, to attain as much information on the situation with Tlass and their plans as possible. I departed Great Britain the next day. And I didn't catch any of the Olympics.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Report:France

While I didn't have the privilege of speaking with President Francois Hollande, I was able to see someone with potentially more importance during my stay. Former Syrian Brigadier General Manaf Tlass, a recent defector, was available. A man who has condemned the violent tactics of Assad's government and is favored by many to lead post-Assad, Syria, he was everything my recent check on google images said he would be.

As I was escorted to his dwelling place--the bombed out shell of a tank (in an undisclosed location)--Tlass climbed out of the top of the tank. While he was too busy to discuss geopolitics, he was free to go hunting for a while. Taking down a lion with his bare hands, he roasted it on a spit over fire that sprung just by Manaf giving the firewood a stern look. As a gang of assassins from Assad's government hopped out from behind a large rock, he took each of them down, then laid their bodies in a pile next to the fire. They'd be next. Hunting had worked up quite an appetite.

You may be wondering, "Is Ambassador Cathcon telling the truth?" Well, dear reader, if I am lying, it can only mean that the truth is too classified and dangerous to be let out in public. For all you know, I made up this narrative to distract from rumors than Tlass is actually building up an army in secret and preparing to storm Syria next wee- oops.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Germany: Guess I'm acting SoEA

Well, while swigging beer with Merkel in Germany, I received a phone call from the Dag Jammskjold building. Thinking it my mistress/secretary being stupid and using an office phone to call me, I ignored it. However, the call persisted and finally I answered it. "Dammit Sarah, why are you calling me on a work phone?" Except I was in fact answered by President Napoleon, informing me that my boss had gone mysteriously missing and that I was in fact, Acting Secretary of External Affairs. Strange office to hold while abroad, but I accepted it nonetheless. While the trip to Germany proved largely fruitless due to this distraction as well as myself asking Merkel only a few questions before we headed down to a bar/pub/watering hole, regardless I am proud of what I've accomplished on this trip.

But now, my business is in heading the Department of External Affairs from a hotel room in Berlin.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Ambassador Cathcon back in the country

"Russia was the last stop on my trip. It was as well the least unpleasant. They don't like what they refer to as "filthy American imperialists", of which I was apparently one. I'd like to say the trip as a whole helped create better international cooperation on the issue of Syria which was developing even as I shuttled between countries. However, in Germany I was sidetracked first by attending a beer garden with Merkel, and then in Russia by, well, being shot at. However, my visits to England and France I'd say were very productive and I'm glad to have had the chance to meet with leaders in both those countries.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I was recently contacted by our President, Mr. Napoleon, to serve as Acting Secretary of External Affairs once again in light of recent personal troubles the Vice President and official Secretary is going through. We are all hoping for the best for Kal. Until the return of the Vice President, all questions should go to me. Thank you.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

With Kalwejt having resigned and the office of Secretary of External Affairs still vacant, as far as I'm aware, I remain Acting Secretary.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

CATHCON GO TESTIFY BEFORE MY COMMITTEE DAMN IT!

While recently discussing the situation the department is in with our President, Napoleon, he seemed to claim that he had already discussed the issues for his administration.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I was confirmed by the Senate yesterday and was sworn in today. I'd like to thank my predecessor Kalwejt, President Napoleon, the Senate, and, back to where it all began, the Mideast voters. You guys are great. Getting down to business, I'll shortly be announcing my first actions as Secretary of External Affairs.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

First of all: I welcome the appointment of AndrewTX (or whatever his real name is) to the position of Ambassador. It is a position I previously served in and welcome a successor to, though I'm aware Andrew holds vastly greater seniority over me.

Point B: We strongly condemn the attacks on our embassy in Egypt and we mourn the death of diplomat Christopher Stevens and others who were killed. This will be addressed.

Fourthly: I will soon be embarking on a diplomatic mission to Iran. While I served as Ambassador during Kalwejt's tenure, I did not have an encounter with the Iranian diplomats and now would like to establish my own contact with them.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Tomorrow, I leave for Tehran on my first trip as Secretary of External Affairs.