Race and Desirability

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

How big of a factor do you guys think race is with regards to desirability among the opposite sex (or same-sex for that matter)? I've recently come to the conclusion that my ethnicity (and my short stature that comes with it) is a major factor that holds me back with the ladies (basically all of them are white obviously). While my features are fairly caucasian, I look "ethnic". Nobody is quite sure what type of ethnic I am but I don't see any of the possibilities (part SE asian, latino, middle eastern, part indian) being desirable to whites who's preferences are essentially the opposite of who I am. I think that it's a well known (but unstated) fact that white women are very racially selective when it comes to dating. How true has this been in your experience?



Do you think it's possible that I've been shafted in this area of life simply because of where I live? Am I just coming up with excuses for my uber-platonic behavior (I don't flirt/know how to)?

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

(I don't flirt/know how to)?

Sounds problematic.  You would think, if you're the only non-white guy in your area you would have a better than average chance, because you have (according to that chart) 45% of females interested. Go for it, bro

I don't think it matters that much though: generally guys who show no signs of open interest will still receive them from other girls. I never have, really. Even the 45% of females who don't mind still obviously have lower preferences for minorities (outside of those with AA fetishes lol).

This doesn't matter much now that I'm going to college, I'm just interested to see how big of a factor this is for fellow minorities.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

Well that's a backward way to look at it.  Wouldn't it make more sense to see who actually dates and marries other races instead of who wouldn't date or marry another race?  In my experience you are much more like to run into a white chick married to a non-white dude than the other way around.....well, I suppose there are a lot of white dudes married to Koreans, Filipinos and Vietnamese because of the military...not sure if it's enough to make up the difference though.

You're missing the point: it's frustrating that people hold that opinion and not just for moral reasons but because it is a disadvantage for me. I'd rather live in a world where I wouldn't have to be self-conscious about such a thing. I also think that many of the people who hold this opinion aren't necessarily immoral or illiberal or racist. A few of my friends think nearly all black and asian women are ugly and they're generally open minded.

Note: I am not necessarily calling these women racist although I think that this attitude is indicative of how our society views minorities and vice versa.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

Short stature is definitely a negative. One of the few ways that men are disadvantaged to women is that, while womens' body issues such as breast size and weight can largely be changed with sufficient effort, penis size and height cannot be changed once you have reached adulthood. Women almost universally prefer a taller man.

The racial statistic I've seen before and thought about, and my current hypothesis is that women look for social status more in a mate. Since white men a perceived to have a higher social status than 'ethnic' men (even though this is not really true), perhaps some white women are (unfortunately) using race or ethnicity as a proxy for income or pecking order. Just a thought? I don't know. There also historically have been higher social stigma towards the white woman-nonwhite man relationship than vice-versa. A lot of the resistance to integration in the South was at its deepest, anxiety of white men losing control of the 'pure white woman'. Perhaps white women are still affected by this stigma and it has not entirely disappeared.

Still, it is doubtful that you would want to be with a white woman who had such attitudes, so why complain? I've seen all types of guys, including very short guys with attractive women so you never know. It's more about the individual these days. It's definitely much harder for some than others. But there's really little to no excuse if you can't find someone.

That has always been my conclusion as well.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

I've never been attracted to anyone who isn't white. I've seen some black chicks that I thought "oh, they're cute" but not in a way that I'm attracted to them. Meh.

I can't relate to this mindset in the slightest. It's a sentiment from another planet to me.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

It's not an attitude, it's just in the nature of some white people. I only find whites attractive too, though mixed race people like Jessica Ennis are very hit and miss to me, as are hispanics. I think it's no different to finding brown eyes attractive.

Quite on the contrary: it's completely unnatural and has been developed through conditioning. There's nothing in our biology that would give us this preference and white men have the same desire to have sex with other races as they do with white women.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

I see the Evolutionary psychology is strong in this thread. This is inevitable for this board, at least so it seems (in "sex threads" anyway).

As for me, I'm in no position to be picky, so I'm like whatever....

Surely everyone subscribes to at least a few aspects of evolutionary psychology, no?

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

I see the Evolutionary psychology is strong in this thread. This is inevitable for this board, at least so it seems (in "sex threads" anyway).

As for me, I'm in no position to be picky, so I'm like whatever....

Surely everyone subscribes to at least a few aspects of evolutionary psychology, no?

As I am a person (AFAIK) and thus included in the description of "everyone", the answer would have to be 'no'.

You honestly don't agree with any aspect of it? Why? I'd like to know why I'm wrong.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

In terms of what one considers physically attractive, everyone has their own idiosyncracies, and I don't think it's fair to call someone "racist" for being more attracted to certain facial features that are more common among some races than others.  You can't control what you're attracted to, and there's no real "logic" behind it.  If someone says he's attracted for women with red hair, it would be idiotic for me to call him racist.

That said, I really can't relate if you say that you've *never* been attracted to someone of a different race.  Never?  That seems quite remarkable.  Especially if you're white, and you consider, say, Arabs or Latinos or whatever to be different "races".  I mean, they look so close to being white that there's very little difference.

I don't think it's fair either but at the same time I think that there is a very clear history behind why there are strong preferences for relationships within the same ethnicity among whites than the others and why there is such a strong tendency among whites to downgrade other ethnicity's attractive features.

I think one thing that Beet said that has merit and deserves our consideration is the question of why one would want to enter into a relationship with someone who had these ways of thinking anyway.

Oftentimes people who have such preferences are generally tolerant, intelligent and in general good human beings. I wouldn't want to generalize half of society as being bigots unworthy of my attention simply because of their preference. They have little control over such a thing and I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with someone who expressed a preference for one ethnicity over another based on looks.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

I've never been attracted to anyone who isn't white. I've seen some black chicks that I thought "oh, they're cute" but not in a way that I'm attracted to them. Meh.

I can't relate to this mindset in the slightest. It's a sentiment from another planet to me.

And another era -one that is, thankfully, fading. 

There's nothing wrong with such thinking.

It's not beneficial for you because you're effectively excluded from a good 25% of women no matter how strong their merits are.