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Author Topic: The Comedy Goldmine  (Read 243974 times)
Grumpier Than Uncle Joe
GM3PRP
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« Reply #1150 on: July 24, 2013, 11:26:33 AM »

Yes, I would like to see an adorable diminutive guillotine prepared...



: 0   Could be your baby shower gift, opbeo.
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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
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Posts: 57,890
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E: -7.87, S: -3.83

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« Reply #1151 on: July 25, 2013, 01:29:27 PM »

So if he is governor it looks like VA is going to have to update its slogan

"Virginia is for heterosexual married lovers limiting themselves to the missionary position as god intended"

I think they are going to need a bigger border signs
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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
Atlas Legend
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Posts: 45,130
Norway


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E: -6.32, S: -7.48

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« Reply #1152 on: July 26, 2013, 01:29:34 PM »

Sexual orientation not a factor in qualification for judges.


Judges shouldn't invent laws or impose their political views.


Limit federal judges to 4 year terms subject to another senate vote.


Overturn federal court decisions with 2/3 congressional vote.


Keep line-item veto.


I've stated before that we need a constitutional amendment requiring a balanced budget annually.


No activist judges who oppose Under God in the Pledge of Allegiance.


Establish House Office of Integrity. / Establish Senate Office of Integrity.


Congress must identify constitutionality of every single bill before it is voted on and passed.


Audit every single federal agency.


Ban all earmarks until we have a balanced budget. / No congressional pay raises until we have a balanced budget.


Respect states' rights to select electors.


Ban all PAC contributions. / Require all federal candidates to disclose all campaign donations. / Require all federal candidates to disclose all independent campaign expenditures.


Washington D.C. should be allowed to keep their congressional house seat.

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Lief 🗽
Lief
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« Reply #1153 on: July 26, 2013, 06:26:52 PM »

I, for one, fully support the increasing gifification of the Atlas.
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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
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E: -7.87, S: -3.83

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« Reply #1154 on: July 27, 2013, 03:00:01 AM »

I, for one, fully support the increasing gifification of the Atlas.
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Joe Republic
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Ukraine


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« Reply #1155 on: July 27, 2013, 03:30:48 AM »

I would too if I lived in a huge city with great internet service, but as it is that post would probably take about ten minutes for me to load.
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Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook
The Obamanation
Junior Chimp
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« Reply #1156 on: July 27, 2013, 11:40:56 AM »

On the bright side, Santa Clause can get some well-needed swimming exercise.

Do you guys think this is funny? We're all missing a huge part in global warming called farts. Gas produced from farting is causing harm to our environment. The more we fart, the warmer it gets. A way to moderate our urges is to limit farts to only when necessary or when it's going to be really funny. For example, it's hilarious to see who can fart the longest and whose smell the worst. However, with new reforms on farts comes sacrifice. Federal or state bureaucrats should always be in attendance of farting contests to ensure our environment isn't compromised for the sake of a few squeakers. Another problem with our environment that needs to be evaluated is the use of toilet paper. Toilet paper is very sacred as we must keep it to a minimum in order to prevent more trees from having to be cut down. It may be hard at first but no more rolling a handful of sheets for one little dab of the anus. We must use our resources wisely.
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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
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E: -7.87, S: -3.83

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« Reply #1157 on: July 28, 2013, 05:51:27 AM »

Don't know if it's a good idea to quote a post that talks about me, but this one made me chuckle:

At a local party headquarters for the PD, Tony sits alone at his desk. To his right lies a coffee mug that hasn't seen coffee in days, whiskey is its cargo these days. It is 2:30am, just two days ago Silvio Berlusconi was announced the next Prime Minister of Italy. Released from prison months ago early for good behavior, many were claiming bribes were involved. Going into the general election, the Democratic Party seemed to have everything on their side. The polls looked good, the voters enthusiastic, and the shadow of corruption over their opponents. Despite all of this, when polls closed, it was announced that the PD would come in 3rd place behind the Pdl and M5S. Behind Tony walked up a mustachioed middle aged man who led the local party, Cristiano. Cris placed his coat over Tony's shoulders and tried to comfort him.

Tony: "...Why...why is he still running?"
Cris: "Because we must chase him."
Tony: "But we did nothing wrong..."
Cris: "He is not the PM Italy needs right now, but the one Italy deserves. We must hunt him."

A week later Cristiano walked in to the headquaters to start preparing for the next local races. He noticed that there was an empty desk where Tony used to be.

Cris: "Where is Antonio?"
Maria: "He left two days ago, renouncing his Italian citizenship. I saw him holding train a train ticket. He told me that he was moving to Marseilles. Then he put on a beret, and marched off."
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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
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E: -6.32, S: -7.48

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« Reply #1158 on: July 28, 2013, 11:02:47 AM »

After closer inspection of Winfield's ballot, I found an interesting anomaly:


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They put it to a vote and they just kept lying
20RP12
Atlas Superstar
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United States


Political Matrix
E: -5.29, S: -7.13

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« Reply #1159 on: July 28, 2013, 11:09:50 AM »

OMFG
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🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸
shua
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E: 1.29, S: -0.70

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« Reply #1160 on: July 28, 2013, 12:18:44 PM »

Maybe we should run two transvestites. Then they could win both genders and we won't have to worry about a gender gap.
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Mechaman
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« Reply #1161 on: July 28, 2013, 01:46:56 PM »

Larry Craig was foot tapping in a stall to get his poop to come out. When he was out of toilet paper he reached under the stall and asked for some from a man who happened to be a cop. When arrested, Larry Craig was offered a stupid plea bargain to agree to a disorderly conduct after showing the police his senate badge. What Larry Craig should've done is plead not guilty because his conduct wasn't disorderly. He was foolish especially for a U.S. Senator. By pleading guilty to the plea bargain, Larry Craig was basically saying he was doing something he didn't do. Therefore, the Republican Party couldn't defend him because he admitted to a disorderly conduct. Had he told the truth and plead not guilty, then he'd have been fine.
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Warren 4 Secretary of Everything
Clinton1996
Junior Chimp
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E: -1.94, S: -4.70

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« Reply #1162 on: July 29, 2013, 12:31:26 AM »

I don't know you but welcome back.

I don't know you either, but from reading some recent threads it seems you will be banned soon enough so getting to know you would be a waste of time.

Also, jesus your post count is high. 46 per day? .O.
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Goldwater
Republitarian
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E: 1.55, S: -4.52

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« Reply #1163 on: July 29, 2013, 09:05:46 AM »

2014:

Inks.LWC Supports Brian Schweitzer



E: 8.40
S: -0.50

"guys i think i'm turning into a socialist"
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Snowstalker Mk. II
Snowstalker
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Posts: 20,414
Palestinian Territory, Occupied


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E: -7.10, S: -4.35

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« Reply #1164 on: July 30, 2013, 05:04:27 PM »


idk but I know something he won't survive



Sad

This would cause the price of gold to drop.
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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
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E: -7.87, S: -3.83

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« Reply #1165 on: July 31, 2013, 04:47:48 AM »

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They put it to a vote and they just kept lying
20RP12
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Posts: 38,149
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E: -5.29, S: -7.13

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« Reply #1166 on: July 31, 2013, 09:42:02 AM »

That JJ the Jet Plane post is perfect and everyone else should bow down to it
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#CriminalizeSobriety
Dallasfan65
Junior Chimp
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Posts: 5,859


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E: 5.48, S: -9.65

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« Reply #1167 on: August 01, 2013, 01:17:05 AM »

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Grumpier Than Uncle Joe
GM3PRP
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« Reply #1168 on: August 02, 2013, 11:00:04 AM »

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Paul Kemp
Junior Chimp
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« Reply #1169 on: August 03, 2013, 01:29:22 AM »

American pie is a funny movie. I burst into laughter when I hear the boys say"What a loser!"
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dead0man
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« Reply #1170 on: August 03, 2013, 03:41:49 AM »

If anybody else had made that post they'd have been eatin' alive (as they should be).  That guy gets a pass for some reason.
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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
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E: -7.87, S: -3.83

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« Reply #1171 on: August 03, 2013, 04:42:38 AM »

If anybody else had made that post they'd have been eatin' alive (as they should be).  That guy gets a pass for some reason.

I haven't seen American Pie, so I've no idea what you're referring to.
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Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck
HockeyDude
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« Reply #1172 on: August 03, 2013, 08:02:30 AM »

See sig for opebo's latest.
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Leftbehind
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United Kingdom


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« Reply #1173 on: August 03, 2013, 08:48:09 PM »

If anybody else had made that post they'd have been eatin' alive (as they should be).  That guy gets a pass for some reason.

I haven't seen American Pie, so I've no idea what you're referring to.

dead0man's just upset we're not as suspicious of a Chinese poster as he is.
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Snowstalker Mk. II
Snowstalker
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Posts: 20,414
Palestinian Territory, Occupied


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E: -7.10, S: -4.35

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« Reply #1174 on: August 04, 2013, 02:23:38 AM »

I happened to mention Thomas Friedman to my taxi-driver the last time I was in New York.  He thought his writing was flat.  So did my driver in Paris, in Istanbul, in Karachi, in Bogota, and in Tokyo.  As should be obvious, if you want insight into what is afflicting the world, ask taxi drivers. So the opinion of Thomas Friedman by the world is flat.
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