The Comedy Goldmine

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Godwin ought to become an infractable offense.

You know who else suggested new infractable offenses?  That's right….Hitler.

Tip: check the last page before posting

[ElectionsGuy]

Does FF stand for "fat f[inks]"?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

April 5th, 1924

Thread: The Final Solution

GPORTER:



It is 1933.  After many years of being in the political minority in Weimar Germany, Adolf Hitler and his cronies are on the eve of their finest hour.  Having compelled the Weimar President Paul Von Hindenburg to bestow upon him the Chancellorship in the spirit of independent nonpartisan rule, the party and it's charismatic leader are about to score their most successful victory yet when a mysterious fire at the Reichstag is blamed on the KPD (Communist Party of Germany).  Using the episode to push for the passage of an Enabling Act that would give the Chancellor broad and authoritarian powers to persecute those who he disagrees with as well as force his National Socialist agenda down the throats of the entire populace, Hitler goes to work.  Under his direct powers granted under the Enabling Act he forces thousands of his political opponents into concentration camps, if they weren't murdered before then.
It was on this pretext that he was able to seize power and push Germany into it's darkest era.

Kalwejt: Sorry bro, this isn't realistic.  I mean, Hitler just got thrown into prison for five years.  I really don't see him going anywhere legitimately.  He is through as a political force in the country, as is his party.
Antonio: Yes, Hitler is passe.  I could definitely see this happening under the current regime if the depression in Germany gets even worse than it is now.  But Adolf Hitler?  Hahahaha, the man is a joke!
Mechaman: Yeah man, do a little bit more research next time.  Hitler's political career is deader than Warren G. Harding.
Cathcon: Sir, that is most uncouth of you to say.
Kalwejt: Too soon.
Mechaman: Too soon?  He's been dead for like a year!  Anyway, this needs more details.  Because what you are describing is just ridiculous!  What will Hitler do next?  Kill the Jews?

[Deus Naturae]

Please Senators, don't let the Russians, a folk of alcoholic homophobic, take Crimee.

[Lief 🗽]

this is hilarious:

The pictures are a pretty damning indictment of their management style and business model...

Empty shelves...


What department is this?


You can have 35 pound dumbbells or you can have 50 pound dumbbells. Only the strong survive.


Thank You for shopping at Wal-Mart #16, part of the General Wal-Mart Commissary for the Western Autonomous Region. Please collect your purchases and leave promptly. Dissent will not be tolerated.


I'm afraid our workers did not meet the glue stick quota laid out in the chairman's Five Year Plan.


You want batteries? We have many batteries. As you can see, the Great American Economic System provides citizens with all the batteries their hearts desire. What? You don't see any batteries? Well then you're just not looking hard enough, thought criminal!


As you can see, America's citizens are healthy and robust. And so clean that they buy whole cartloads of cleaning products!


Plenty of food for everyone! What kind of dried meat would you like today?

[Antonio the Sixth]

Can I protest his funeral?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Apparently he was 'excommunicated' from his own church.

If this is true they will probably hold a funeral for him just so they can picket it.

[Napoleon]

Snowstalker are you Jewish?

That'd be like asking Richard Russell if he were black.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Reality is bourgeois

[Flake]

That one that literally kills a human being.

Now, I wouldn't go that far - he's certainly annoyed plenty of people, but I don't think Snowstalker's killed anybody before.

[Simfan34]

Easily the most pitiful attempt at comedy since Rochambeau.

This user is currently ignored.

Whatever you say.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Dave please don't listen to Adam's nonsense. Weed is much healthier for you than soda.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Why do we have two threads on Fred Phelps?

Because Mr. Phelps had an impact upon both U.S. events (largely by causing disgust and the passing of laws to limit where and when he and his followers could emit his virulent hate) and religion (since he claimed that was what motivated him.  If he were to be limited to one board, this is probably the best one, since few would agree his hate was religious.

It was a rhetorical question.  

Because, as I already said, Fred Phelps was a very effective attention whore.

Then why has Fred Phelps never posted here?  Oh.  Right.  You said "effective" attention whore.  That explains it.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Here's what we have so far:

"Dear prospective employer,

Take your pants.  Don't hire me.  I'm not well.

Best regards,
Bushie

Just joking, actually.  You can't tell me I'm not doing the right thing.  Where was I?  I sponsor children and love on...I love Jesus.  I was trained, love on kids.  4 hour naps.  As you see, three weeks cleanup.  fart purple cheese, Russ Powers Oklahoma and bryan kropfinger will be there, end of letter.

I'm not opebo, who admired laziness.  These GUARANTEED FACTS stole from parents.  Trust me guys, I'm a Kenyan.  Like Barack Obama, who I voted for twice.  In fact I hesitated to vote for the uppity negroe....This is stupid, but I'm optimistic you will hire a good Christian who honors his momentary, brief relaxations.

This is crazy.  Here's my resume.  Call me, maybe."

I think it reads better than his actual cover letter.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

It's bad taste to kiss and tell.

You've kissed those on your iggy list?

[Napoleon]

Has no one else ever gone to a church service when whoever was giving the sermon asked the congregation to text them questions or tweet reactions with a special hashtag?

[Simfan34]

The childish Romney bashing on this forum is really engaged in by only the most uninformed and closed minded of those who post on this forum.  All Romney bashers on this forum fit into one or more of the following categories:

Closet homosexuals frustrated by their insecurity over their sexuality and who are attempting to sound macho by lashing out at Romney.

Politically uneducated posters who have nothing meaningful to contribute to a discussion and therefore resort to parroting others in seeing who can say the loudest duh, I hate Romney the most.

Posters who have no life and who spend considerable waking hours coming up with untruths and drivel to post about Romney.

Insecure individuals who have the misguided notion than in order to impress others they have to attack a high profile public personality like Romney.

Mean spirited individuals who get their thrills by mean mouthing others, in this case by mean mouthing Romney.

Those who secretly admire Romney for his considerable accomplishments but do not have the courage to admit it, and who are frustrated because they know they will never in their lifetime achieve a fraction of what he has achieved, therefore they are attempting to cover up their admiration of Romney by indiscriminately lashing out at him.

Those who do not have a spine, who do not have a mind of their own, who are easily influenced, who mindlessly go along with the unenlightened crowd, repeating the vitriolic excesses that others say about Romney.

Those who have unresolved issues in their lives that they have not adequately dealt with and would rather take out their frustrations on Romney rather than dealing with their own problems.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

An oldie but goodies, Simi. 

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Don't let the fact that you've never been to any of them stop you from voting.

[free my dawg]

July 16, 2019: former President Bill Clinton dies of a massive heart attack at his vacation home in Santa Fe, New Mexico, while having hardcore sex with Vanessa Hudgens. Both completely naked, she struggles to get out underneath him which lasts half an hour. She calls close friends, Monique Coleman and Ashley Tisdale, whom both clean up evidence and call 911.

Clinton dies on the way to the hospital. It's revealed Hudgens is pregnant with twin girls. Clinton's family is not too surprised about how he died: his daughter, Chelsea (now a U.S. Senator from NY St) says her father just "wanted to be loved."

[Lief 🗽]

Seriously think about it. What has True Leftism brought us?

Liberalism/progressivism brought us the 40 hour work week, Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid and the universal healthcare of other countries.

True Leftism has brought us the gulags, the Cultural Revolution, the Great Leap Forward and the Khmer Rouge.

Yeah tough choice which ideology I'm going with...

[MATTROSE94]

He seems like someone who probably has a lot of cats.

[Swedish Rainbow Capitalist Cheese]

She needs to not run in 2016, getting too old and needs to enjoy life.  Wait, Democrats said the same thing about McCain in 2008.

As Democrats, we feel the need to tell John McCain and everyone else how to live their lives. As a libertarian, you should stay out of Hillary Clinton's business.

[LeBron]

The important object I lost in the dump was my virginity.

You lost your virginity at a waste management facility?

Yep, don't even ask why.

[windjammer]

And to think I was scoffed at when I suggested that Adam might use the GM's office for advancing Labor candidates. Is it taking things too seriously to suggest that this an attempt to lend credibility to the absurd Windjammer/AdamFitzgerald X-Files partnership?

I have laughed. I definitely love cynism .