The BRTD Memoirs Thread

[they don't love you like i love you]

So I thought about this with people saying I should start an update and me explaining it wouldn't be very interesting. But then I thought about people saying I should write an autobiography, both on the forum and in IRC. So how about this? Just flashbacks, and nothing less than a month old. Non-chronological order. Think of it like the Koran in that sense. But here goes.

A short story in two years. April 2004. The weekend I lost my virginity to the girl who dialed the wrong number on the campus directory system. But that wasn't the issue now. The thing I had known about expected for weeks was coming up, the show in Sioux Falls. The best lineup ever. It was 2 1/2 hours in a driver, but well worth it. Sunday I took that drive and went to the show. The two things that stood out: 1-The headlining band's singer saying that his dad who works in the energy industry was predicting that gas would hit $3/gallon that summer and everyone gasping in disbelief and horror and 2-One of the bands, a Christian post-rock meets hardcore band having a very cute girl on vocals. And the fact that her tattoos were of her band's album covers, which I thought would be kind of funny to have to explain to her grandkids. Would they even like her band or it would be just noise to them? Whatever the case I had a crush on her during the whole set.

In July 2011 I was 27 and was heading off to a show locally, in Minneapolis. Between sets then I noticed a very attractive girl with tattoos that looked a little familiar. So I went up.

Me: "Hey uh have you seen you anywhere? I think I have."
Her: "Well did you ever live in Sioux Falls? That's where I'm from."
Me: "No, but I used to frequently go to shows there."
Her: "Oh yeah, I was in a band."
Me: "YES! Now I remember."

And we started chatting up. It was her 30th birthday, and she was down here for the weekend to celebrate. The catch: She was pregnant so she couldn't drink. Otherwise she would be "getting f**king wasted" quote. So instead her husband, also from the band at the time, was buying everyone else drinks. He bought me one. I wondered if it was safe to be jumping and dancing like she was while pregnant, but she didn't have a bump so maybe, plus she clearly did stay away from actual pit where the risk of getting hit existed. While I was getting a ride back home I realized that she was confirmed to be reproducing, so she would at least have a child to explain her tattoos to. I listened to her band's record when I got home. It aged better than I expected.

The next day I had my little experience and gave my heart to Christ. If related I do not know.

Coming up: A Tale From Dude Fest.

[Simfan34]

Very plain language with its twists and quirks, very enjoyable. Do go on. I must say the story of your virginity shall require further explanation, as it sounds very original.

[they don't love you like i love you]

Very plain language with its twists and quirks, very enjoyable. Do go on. I must say the story of your virginity shall require further explanation, as it sounds very original.

It's already been posted multiple times.

[Simfan34]

Before my time, I assume. Guess I'll have to search for it, it sounds like something from a good movie.

[Simfan34]

I've got nothing.

[they don't love you like i love you]

Well that was quite awhile ago. I suppose that'll have to come in a future installment. Tweed can probably fill you in though.

[CLARENCE 2015!]

You are 30 years old and spend your days going to shows... what possible basis would any one have to urge you to write your memoirs...

[they don't love you like i love you]

You are 30 years old and spend your days going to shows... what possible basis would any one have to urge you to write your memoirs...

I'm not 30, and lots of people thought my memoirs about going to shows would be interesting.

[CLARENCE 2015!]

You are 30 years old and spend your days going to shows... what possible basis would any one have to urge you to write your memoirs...

I'm not 30, and lots of people thought my memoirs about going to shows would be interesting.

Power to you brother...

[Grumpier Than Thou]

[Insula Dei]

Freedom Thread already! I second Simfan's request for more info on the defloration story.

[© tweed]

You are 30 years old and spend your days going to shows... what possible basis would any one have to urge you to write your memoirs...

yes, he really should be watching NASCAR and smoking cigarettes outside the front door of an American Legion hall.

[© tweed]

Freedom Thread already! I second Simfan's request for more info on the defloration story.

he wrote a few-page Word document about it around the time that it happened.  I don't still have it but maybe he does?

[they don't love you like i love you]

Freedom Thread already! I second Simfan's request for more info on the defloration story.

he wrote a few-page Word document about it around the time that it happened.  I don't still have it but maybe he does?

That would violate the ToS.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

This is a good thread.

[© tweed]

Freedom Thread already! I second Simfan's request for more info on the defloration story.

he wrote a few-page Word document about it around the time that it happened.  I don't still have it but maybe he does?

That would violate the ToS.

surely you could find a way to distribute it while not posting it directly to the forum (or only posting excerpts and redacting the explicit parts)

[Simfan34]

Freedom Thread already! I second Simfan's request for more info on the defloration story.

he wrote a few-page Word document about it around the time that it happened.  I don't still have it but maybe he does?

That would violate the ToS.

Send me a PM? Please?

[Хahar 🤔]

Freedom Thread already! I second Simfan's request for more info on the defloration story.

he wrote a few-page Word document about it around the time that it happened.  I don't still have it but maybe he does?

That would violate the ToS.

surely you could find a way to distribute it while not posting it directly to the forum (or only posting excerpts and redacting the explicit parts)

Linking to it would be fine, I would think.

[opebo]

While I was getting a ride back home I realized that she was confirmed to be reproducing, so she would at least have a child to explain her tattoos to.

This seems like a strange reason to reproduce or get tattoos.  Couldn't she just not get tattoos and not reproduce, and thus obviate 1) having anything to explain and/or 2) having anyone to explain anything to?

A very odd and despairing tale, I thought.  I enjoyed it.

[Boris]

lmao, BRTD wrote a multi-page word document detailing the loss of his virginity? Guess there's a teenage girl within all of us.

[© tweed]

lmao, BRTD wrote a multi-page word document detailing the loss of his virginity? Guess there's a teenage girl within all of us.

I believe spermicide made a brief appearance.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Too lazy to read what you actually wrote, but that fact alone that this exists is cause for celebration.

[they don't love you like i love you]

While I was getting a ride back home I realized that she was confirmed to be reproducing, so she would at least have a child to explain her tattoos to.

This seems like a strange reason to reproduce or get tattoos.  Couldn't she just not get tattoos and not reproduce, and thus obviate 1) having anything to explain and/or 2) having anyone to explain anything to?

A very odd and despairing tale, I thought.  I enjoyed it.

Remember opebo, the band she used to be in was a Christian band, she's a religious. I don't think you'd expect her to behave in a way that you find rational.

lmao, BRTD wrote a multi-page word document detailing the loss of his virginity? Guess there's a teenage girl within all of us.

It was actually at the request of one of my college friends.

[Simfan34]

So can you send it or in some other way make it known to me/us?

[they don't love you like i love you]

Dude Fest 2007:

I wonder if every 23 year old's mother acts the same way mine did with driving about 600 miles and insisting that I call her when I got there, even if it was well past her normal bedtime. But I did indeed when I pulled into the hostel's parking lot and checked in and was shown my place for the night. Of course it was just around midnight and most of the crowd coming were other Dude Fest goers. So of course we weren't going to bed. I realized that I made a great decision in stocking up at a liquor store in Iowa on my way. I noted that we actually four different countries in attendance (US, Canada, UK and Guatemala if you count the guy who has citizenship there but lives in Chicago.) I also realized in hindsight just how sh!tty it had to be for the 18-year old from Calgary who now couldn't legally drink when his buddy had to ask him to stay outside when me and him went inside the liquor the next day, though I guess he had gone through that before if he visited Toronto or Ottawa. Of course he drank that night anyway on the porch, and handled it far better than any of the 18-year old Americans in attendance, which is quite telling.

Of course I wanted to tell them how I lost my virginity since I do that so often, but by the time I thought of it I was too wasted, and someone started throwing up. We realized going any further would make tomorrow significantly less fun, so we stopped then and went to bed and got up the next day around noon. The porch outside looked very different in daylight of course. Later these high school kids from Oklahoma who came in a van and were going to camp in the back showed up. I was wearing a Converge shirt. I will always remember that. In hindsight actually planning on what band shirt to wear each day was kind of embarrassing, but everyone on forums was like "I will be the guy/girl in the ________ shirt" so it made sense. Worth noting for a tie-in that the guy who booked the Sioux Falls mentioned in the previous bit was also in attendance here.

So about two hours before the show and I'm hanging out on the porch while people inside are cooking. Me and some of the Canadians and some Indianapolis locals who swung by were all there, and in the talk I decided I had to tell the story. I'd repeat it at least once that weekend while significantly buzzed.

Me: So anyway guys I have to tell this to everyone I meet. It's just too unique
Local dude: Go on.
Me: Well it was kind of early on a Friday night, I was doing some studying in the dorm.
Local dude: Uh huh.
Me: And I got this phone call, and this girl asks for some guy named Steve or whatever. I tell her there's no one here named that. She asked for the number and it turns out she's a digit off.
Local dude: OK.
Me: So like 15 minutes later she calls back and is like "Hey that guy I was looking for isn't there, so do you want to go do something?"
Local dude: ...that's kind of weird.
Me: Yeah that's what I thought. But since I was 20 I asked if she had any booze, and she did. So we agreed to go to a party.
Local dude: OK.
Me: So I met her up at the dorm lobby and we went down Warren Hill and found a party, and got kind of buzzed and chatted up. We were the only people under 21, so once everyone went to the bar we had to leave. On the way back she started rubbing my shoulder and asked to go back to her place.
Local dude: Nice! *hi fives me*
Me: She then later told me that last semester she was assigned to work with this one guy on a project in one of her classes. So they were at the library together, and then she asked him to go back to her dorm when they were done studying. And then she f**ked him too.
Local dude: Haha, awesome.
Me: So the next night my buddy calls me up and says he has an extra to Something Corporate and Yellowcard and asks if I want to come. I do. So he asks me when he picks me up "So what did you do last night?" And I just answered the truth. And then he was like "Dude, that is f**ked up. She could've been a serial killer or something!"
Local dude: Well I don't think serial killers usually live in college dorms....
Me: Yeah I thought that too. Anyway we went to the show and then later I called her up when we got home. This time she came over to my place.
Local dude: Sweet!

Obviously a lot more sh!t happened that weekend. A LOT. But one thing I very much remember was a different forum's post-fest thread:

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And then I realized I was a vital part of someone's Dude Fest experience.