ATTN Writers: Seeking constructive criticism for a piece
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  ATTN Writers: Seeking constructive criticism for a piece
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Author Topic: ATTN Writers: Seeking constructive criticism for a piece  (Read 1428 times)
The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
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« on: April 03, 2013, 12:40:46 PM »

So, four months ago, I started drafting a novel.  This was my second attempt at writing it since over a year ago, when I abandoned an older project because, simply, I did not like what was being produced.  Since I started the new novel, I've tried to work on it a little each day to brush up on my skills and get critique.  In fact, I have decided not to put the book up for sale when it is finished as a way to encourage people to read it and send me their thoughts and criticisms, which I feel will benefit me more over the long term.

Now, my high school's literature magazine is looking for poems, short stories, and other written works to publish.  I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to publish what I believe to be my best work and promote the novel so that I have an audience to show when it's released.  Unfortunately, my friends on Facebook have given me little feedback here.

Though it is short, this chapter was written, re-written, and edited over several hours.  However, I am still not completely satisfied with it.  So, I thought I would post the excerpt here for public scrutiny so that I can make the necessary changes before I submit it to the magazine, hopefully by the end of this week.

Thanks.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/133729575/The-Sunset-An-Excerpt
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Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.
Nathan
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« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2013, 01:11:04 PM »

I can try to look at this sometime tomorrow if you'd like.
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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
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E: -6.32, S: -7.48

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« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2013, 01:16:38 PM »

I can try to look at this sometime tomorrow if you'd like.

That would be helpful.
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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
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Posts: 45,280
Norway


Political Matrix
E: -6.32, S: -7.48

P P P

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« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2013, 01:53:45 PM »

Bump.  I almost forgot about this.  Tomorrow, I'm sending it in, but I'm leaving one more day for comments/criticism.
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Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.
Nathan
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« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2013, 02:22:14 PM »

I'm really sorry I didn't get back to you on this. Things got out of hand in my life.
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Dr. Cynic
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« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2013, 02:27:12 PM »

I like your descriptiveness, but I thought the dialogue was a bit choppy at points. Overall, I can see this being an engaging story.
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Napoleon
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« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2013, 02:00:15 AM »

I read it and enjoyed it. But I can't criticize well.

I only found this because I was randomly looking at Nathan's profile, weird as that may sound. You'll get more responses in forum community.
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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
Atlas Legend
*****
Posts: 45,280
Norway


Political Matrix
E: -6.32, S: -7.48

P P P

Show only this user's posts in this thread
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2013, 10:31:31 AM »

Thanks for your comments, guys.  And that's a good idea, Napoleon.
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