Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[King]

This title fcuking stinks.

"Upd8: The Laughing Headache Continues"

[King]

The Atlas tried to give a shot of common sense to the headache that is Update, but Bushie just laughed at it.

[King]

A tremendous tolerance for pain but not enough to endure basic exercise

[King]

I hope Jesus shows up and turns their water into wine.

[King]

I think its high time the CIA recommences LSD spraying via drone over Oklahoma

[King]

Weddings don't have to be a drunkfest, but traditionally it is in good taste to at least share wine.  It is part of being festive.

[King]

This post about "God's will" is essential reading, I think.

jmfcst really was a solid contributor to Update.  It's a shame he's no longer with us.

[King]

Pretty clear Bushie never gets any fiber in his diet ever. I bet if he ate some broccoli, he could lose several pounds just from pushing out the clogged remains of countless hamburgers.

You are telling that to someone who cannot stand broccoli.

Even in Chinese food? It's no longer healthy, of course, but some chewy beef and  crisp broccoli in that sweet Chinaman sauce is so damn tasty!

No one in his family knows how to cook, so he's only eaten vegetables in their worst form.

[King]

Today's menu will likely consist of cereal for breakfast and Spaghetti for dinner.

The Wheat Council's product placement is getting ridiculous

[King]

Only people I've heard put ketchup on pasta are Honey Boo Boo's family, so yeah, it wouldn't surprise me if it's common in Okie land.

[King]

I've never been to a dietician. Why would one need regular visits?

In hopes that by pestering her enough she'll finally give up and say "eating 4 sloppy joes is a great idea."

[King]

A goal without a plan is just a wish.  Bushie has no goals to get a good job, lose weight, and live in Kenya, but he has no plan to do it because he's not a planner only a wisher.

[King]

COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH

[King]

Bushie, who's idea was it to name the dog J.J.?  Was it yours?  Is the name based on our very own J.J., here on Atlas?  What does J.J. stand for anyway?  I mean, is it really a "male" name if it's just two random letters?  (Shades of The Simpsons: J.J. stands for Jay Jay.)

The dog spoke and predicted Bushie will lose 80 pounds in the next 12 months.

[King]

I need to stop reading this thread in public.  I had to excuse myself for laughing too hard.

[King]

That would make an interesting M Night twist.
Bushie is taken away on the stretcher and his parents snicker "maybe his AmeriPlan will cover it" before cracking open a box of Franza to celebrate.

[King]

I met a fat guy once who was on atkins years ago at a bar, and he was eating a ribeye with cheese, onions and bacon on top, but he explained to me he was going to lose weight because he was having a salad instead of potatoes with it.

That sounds literally perfect for Bushie.

I told Bushie about an Atkins app he could try which gives him daily recipes for Breakfast, Lunch, Snack, and Dinner but he ignored it.

[King]

Except in this thread, I've never heard of enchilada casselore. I've certainly never tried such a thing. So, maybe I'm just ignorant, but it sounds so fundamentally wrong. How does one digest something like that?

Well in NM, an enchilada casserole is enchiladas where the tortilla is laid flat instead of rolled and stacked with chile/cheese/onions/beans on each layer.  It's more like a lasagna.  I'm guessing that's what they are eating.

Then again, it's godforsaken Oklahoma so it wouldn't surprise me if they did some disgusting thing with ranch dressing and breadcrumbs.

[King]

I am under 100 hours until Kenya 2013 begins - 98 hours as of 22:00.  Kenya 2013 will begin at midnight Thursday morning.

You have 98 opportunities to go for an hour long walk before your flight.

[King]

bushie will never walk for the sake of walking again?

He can't even muster the energy to talk about walking he's so busy!

[King]

Bushie's going to drive to the airport every day and eat at the burger place.

[King]

Do you think Bushie gets the handicapped motor cart at the grocery store?

Oh wait, he's probably never even been to the grocery store.

[King]

You should take the dog for a walk.

[King]

What if your kids need to go for a walk, Bushie?  Will you chain them up and force them to eat hamburgers instead?

[King]

Guys, ever thought his parents are stalling on the doghouse because J.J. is going to "run away" again when Bushie is Kenya?