I just completed a poetical translation of Isaiah 9:1-6. (Verses 2 to 7 as Christian Bibles usually number it, but in this case I think the Jewish division into chapters makes a bit more sense.)
Isaiah 9:5 (or 9:6) you may be familiar with from Handel's Messiah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn56_Fz6pKELovely music, but for obvious reasons, I have yet to see a Jewish translation of that verse into English that endorses the concept that God will be born of man. (The 1917 JPS only gives a phonetic transcription of the name while the Judaica Press translation rearranges things so that 'the wondrous adviser, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, called his name, "the prince of peace."' So I started out trying a retranslation of just that verse that would hopefully not be offensive to Jewish eyes while not mangling it as much as I think the Judaica Press version does.
I went ahead and did the surrounding text in a free verse style. No effort at rhyming has been made, but I did strive for metrical unity in each stanza. The first stanza is 15 syllables per line with five three syllable feet per line save for the penultimate line which I did as three five syllable unit. The second stanza is sixteen syllables per line arranged in four syllable blocks. The third stanza is twelve syllables per line, arranged in three syllable units.
There are some minor flaws in it that need some work, but it's a good first draft and I thought I'd ask y'all for opinions of it both as poetry and as a translation.
1 The people that travel in darkness will behold a great light.
They that dwell under death’s dark shadow, the light will shine on them.
2 Thou will have multiplied the nation and increased its joyful choruses.
They will have merriment before thee like the joy of harvest
and will dance as do the warriors when loot is divided.
3 Their yoke of burden, the staff on their backs
a, and the tyrant’s rod:
These thou will demolish as when thou delivered us from Midian
b.
4 For every war boot that trampled and each garment that rolled in blood:
These shall be incinerated, providing but fuel for fire,
5 For unto us a child be born, unto us a son be given.
The government upon his back
a and the name he shall be called is:
Wondrous Counsel of Mighty God, Timeless Father, The Prince of Peace.
6 The bounty of his government and its peace shall have no end.
On the throne of David and over his kingdom
He restores and strengthens justice and righteousness
That will last from then on and for forevermore.
By zeal in the Service of Yahweh he does this.
Translation notesa The Hebrew here signifies the upper back or shoulder blades. Usually translated as shoulders, but I used back to fit my metrical scheme.
bLiterally “as in the days of Midian”. The reference to Judges 6 is expanded from the original Hebrew of verse 3 to fill out the meter.
(Edit: I changed verse 5c to a more literal "Timeless Father" in place of "The Great Founder" as I originally had it. I went for the sense translation initially because I couldn't think of a good way to do it literally in four syllables.)
