Bad Wedding Decisions

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

I'm curious...

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

In this situation, I think it's proper etiquette to only state your opinion if asked or if you're a close friend/relative.  Normally I'd say the parents have more of a right to object, but even there there are limits.

Also, I take it you're dealing with a little wedding dilemma, Inks?

[Paul Kemp]

Probably not but it obviously depends on the circumstance.

[Lief 🗽]

Depends how bad the decision is and how close you are to the person.

[© tweed]

it usually goes without saying that the decision to get married is a bad decision.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Depends on how bad the potential spouse is. Some of my relatives tried to push another away from a certain woman, and they ended up being married (and so far, everything has turned out alright).

If it were my brother, or a close relative, then yes. But not a cousin, aunt, or grandparent/grandchild.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

In this situation, I think it's proper etiquette to only state your opinion if asked or if you're a close friend/relative.  Normally I'd say the parents have more of a right to object, but even there there are limits.

Also, I take it you're dealing with a little wedding dilemma, Inks?

Yes.  It's a sibling, and my parents have already talked to her (and now think that I should).  I tend to be non-confrontational (especially with family and friends), but if someone really pushes me to be honest (or I have a couple extra glasses of Scotch), I'll tend to open up.

The guy is a nice guy, but they are not at all financially ready to get married, and I suspect that they'll end up without any money to pay bills within 2 years.  I love my sister, but she has no understanding of finances whatsoever (e.g. when she talked to my dad, she told him that her and her fiance could live on $25/month total for food), has never made a budget, refuses to still make a budget, and somehow thinks everything will work out.

I'm nearly positive that saying something would just annoy her, and I doubt she'd listen to me since she hasn't listened to my parents, but part of me says, "If you don't say something, and she goes bankrupt, you'll feel guilty for not trying earlier."  So I'm leaning toward option 2, but I doubt she'll ask me.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

In this situation, I think it's proper etiquette to only state your opinion if asked or if you're a close friend/relative.  Normally I'd say the parents have more of a right to object, but even there there are limits.

Also, I take it you're dealing with a little wedding dilemma, Inks?

Yes.  It's a sibling, and my parents have already talked to her (and now think that I should).  I tend to be non-confrontational (especially with family and friends), but if someone really pushes me to be honest (or I have a couple extra glasses of Scotch), I'll tend to open up.

The guy is a nice guy, but they are not at all financially ready to get married, and I suspect that they'll end up without any money to pay bills within 2 years.  I love my sister, but she has no understanding of finances whatsoever (e.g. when she talked to my dad, she told him that her and her fiance could live on $25/month total for food), has never made a budget, refuses to still make a budget, and somehow thinks everything will work out.

I'm nearly positive that saying something would just annoy her, and I doubt she'd listen to me since she hasn't listened to my parents, but part of me says, "If you don't say something, and she goes bankrupt, you'll feel guilty for not trying earlier."  So I'm leaning toward option 2, but I doubt she'll ask me.

I see.  Unfortunately, there isn't much you really can do.  It's not your fault or your parents' faults if she ends up with problems for not waiting until she's financially stable.  I'd probably say something given the circumstances.  Explain to her why getting married any time soon would be an unwise decision and that you want what's best for her.  If she insists on going through with the wedding, wish her well and hope that everything works out.  There's no use starting a feud between you and her, but if she gets a little annoyed at you for expressing your concerns, try not to feel bad.

Out of curiosity, are your sister and her fiance enrolled in school or working?

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Who is paying for the ceremony?

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

In this situation, I think it's proper etiquette to only state your opinion if asked or if you're a close friend/relative.  Normally I'd say the parents have more of a right to object, but even there there are limits.

Also, I take it you're dealing with a little wedding dilemma, Inks?

Yes.  It's a sibling, and my parents have already talked to her (and now think that I should).  I tend to be non-confrontational (especially with family and friends), but if someone really pushes me to be honest (or I have a couple extra glasses of Scotch), I'll tend to open up.

The guy is a nice guy, but they are not at all financially ready to get married, and I suspect that they'll end up without any money to pay bills within 2 years.  I love my sister, but she has no understanding of finances whatsoever (e.g. when she talked to my dad, she told him that her and her fiance could live on $25/month total for food), has never made a budget, refuses to still make a budget, and somehow thinks everything will work out.

I'm nearly positive that saying something would just annoy her, and I doubt she'd listen to me since she hasn't listened to my parents, but part of me says, "If you don't say something, and she goes bankrupt, you'll feel guilty for not trying earlier."  So I'm leaning toward option 2, but I doubt she'll ask me.

I see.  Unfortunately, there isn't much you really can do.  It's not your fault or your parents' faults if she ends up with problems for not waiting until she's financially stable.  I'd probably say something given the circumstances.  Explain to her why getting married any time soon would be an unwise decision and that you want what's best for her.  If she insists on going through with the wedding, wish her well and hope that everything works out.  There's no use starting a feud between you and her, but if she gets a little annoyed at you for expressing your concerns, try not to feel bad.

Out of curiosity, are your sister and her fiance enrolled in school or working?

Both in school with part time jobs (although she's not working through school, only during breaks).  She has this semester left and then student teaching in the fall (where she can't work and will have to pay for the credits).  Her fiance is employed part time at a nursing home and is going for psychology but has no plans yet for grad school.  He has quite a bit more student loans than she has.

Who is paying for the ceremony?

It's yet to be determined how much money my parents will give them, but they won't be paying for the whole thing likely.  My sister wants to keep the wedding within $3,000-4,000.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Who is paying for the ceremony?

It's yet to be determined how much money my parents will give them, but they won't be paying for the whole thing likely.  My sister wants to keep the wedding within $3,000-4,000.
[/quote]

My thought is maybe this can be an opportunity for her to have some practical experience dealing with a budget?  I don't think telling her she shouldn't get married is going to be a fruitful enterprise.

[tik 🪀✨]

I kind of regret not telling my brother the girl he wanted to marry was awful. At the time I don't think it would have done much good, and I believed his decision was what he wanted and it wasn't my place. It's a very difficult thing to weigh over.

[morgieb]

I would if they asked, but doing it on my own accord would be poor form/bad etiquette.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Probably yes; I'm rather bluntly honest, which is usually a good thing but needless to say can and does backfire. My older sister essentially had me give the up-or-down on her boyfriend (I thought he was fine ).

[Del Tachi]

Moderate hero position seems to be winning. 

[Maxwell]

No. Even If I know the person, I don't know how they get along. It's not my business.

[badgate]

Probably only with my sister.

[DC Al Fine]

In general, tell them no matter what if the fiancee is on drugs, cheating etc. If it's something less disastrous only tell them if they ask.

Inks: I might not tell her that she shouldn't get married, but you should really be hammering home that she should be prepared to budget and live like a student for the next several years.

[Dancing with Myself]

It depends on the situation.

If the guy/girl has a bad rep for cheating, stealing, or bad stuff in general I prob would warn them. If I know they cheated on them and had evidence of it I would contribute it because at the end of the day I don't want a family member, especially a close one, to get in a horrible marriage for years.

[PJ]

Not usually. Only if they ask my opinion, I'm close to them, and it's a really bad decision.

[LastVoter]

it usually goes without saying that the decision to get married is a bad decision.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

There are a LOT of qualifications - overall, I agree with Lief, it depends how bad the match is (and possible consequences) and how close you are. While it's not your business, per se, if it's someone close to you then I would probably suggest 'waiting' and hopefully let them break up in the period following, not outright trash someone.

While it's their life and ultimately their decision, as long as you're tactful and appear well-intentioned and respectful ... within certain parameters, I think it's OK.

Since it's your sister and she's clearly walking blinded... I wouldn't hesitate to say something. Even if it makes no difference, at least you've said something.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Depends how bad the decision is and how close you are to the person.

This. I don't get out of my way to judge people and their choices (especially since I'm obviously not a very good role model in that regard ), but if I really thought this could have terrible consequences to someone that matters to me, then I would definitely speak up.

[politicallefty]

If I was particularly close, I would probably make my opinion known.

[Flake]

Of course! I wouldn't want my sister marrying an irresponsible douchebag, or starting her life in her parents third bedroom.