The t_host1 Institute of Comedy

[RR1997]

What has Sandoval actually done that makes leftists swoon over him?

It's because most red-avatars here would probably be Republicans if they weren't so mean to gays

[Lief 🗽]

My suggestion to Bushie:

1. Drop about sixty pounds, putting perhaps fifteen of it back on as (lean) muscle. You'll need it to re-invent your persona along the lines I'm recommending.

2. Throw out your entire wardrobe. Purchase the following items:

* Three white long-sleeve button ups.
* Three black dress slacks.
* A set of black leather suspenders, to be worn over the dress shirts.
* Black leather dress boots - buckled, not laced.
* A slightly oversized vest, to be worn open and unbuttoned.
* A black, spiked heavy metal leather wristband.

3. Drop your taste for country and western music and begin listening to a lot of krautrock, 70s funk, 90s industrial, and mid-era David Bowie. Watch arthouse films.

4. Grow out a - clean, undercut - ponytail.

5. Become a chain smoker.

6. Abandon your faith in a God who has abandoned you.

[SPC]

Wait, the headline is ambiguous.  Does Gore squash Al Qaeda because he hasn't squandered resources on Iraq?  Or does Saddam squash Al Qaeda because he hasn't been ousted by the US?

Saddam is VP, and Gore resigns the Presidency and becomes a fighter pilot.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Harry I know about the whole standards of living, but it comes at the cost of freedom. See maybe our differing political views just don't jive with our views on what we consider freedom.

I believe in majority rules, in free trade, free enterprise, freedom of speech. What always made the United States a great country was that we were the opposite of the rest of the world.

While Hitler banned smoking and created vast totalitarian order in Europe, Americans were smoking cigarettes and drinkin' Tennessee whiskey.

While the Japanese and Germans had brutal concentration or death camps, the camp we had for Japanese Americans didn't include sick torture, abuse or extermination.

An Axis war leader once said, "I'd never want to invade the United States, because there would be a gun in the back of every soldier." The Jews didn't have weapons. Resistance groups failed. America was FOUNDED on a resistance victory against Britain.

We got rid of Europe here a long time ago for the specific purpose of not being Europe. Dare I say, that most Americans, even our leaders in the 1940s, thought more like ME than like you. By thinking like me, we won.

What if our WWII leaders thought like you? I don't believe victory could have been assured. That is why I'm such a pain in the butt about being against liberalism. I think it threatens us.

oh my god this is the best

I especially love how he took an effort to type an apostrophe instead of a g in the bolded part. People like that always make me laugh.

[Joe Republic]

I wish reform was geared more towards increasing the supply, rather than demand, for healthcare.

Why are you applying an economic analysis used to determine the price of widgets, wheat or dildos to the provision of healthcare?

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Part of me thinks Naso was being tongue-in-cheek with that 'internment camps' remark.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

23 and hopefully having some congressman I'm working for on top of me.

[Simfan34]

23 and hopefully having some congressman I'm working for on top of me.

In context, that isn't just some bad word mangling, is it? It means what it looks like it means. Wow.

[Simfan34]

Only once, unwittingly. Split some ecstasy with a friend at a music festival, and almost instanteously my mouth went numb and I started feeling really good - like I have a 10 inch dick and can outknowledge Al on Welsh labor relations c. 1975. type of good. Given that these are not the effects of ecstasy, I turn to my friend and she's like, "yup, this stuff was definitely cut with coke."  Anyway the effects lasted for about 30 minutes before transitioning into the typical mdma lovefest. Probably wouldn't recommend; it's better to develop confidence organically than it is to artificially keep flooding your brain with dopamine until you die.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Jerry needs to get an internship in Aaron Schock's office next summer.

[Napoleon]

Are you leaving an opening for me?

One more bad pun and I'm labial to tune it out.

Don't pussy out on us.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Now, I'm not going to go down the awfully silly route that some people go down, but the fact is that slave-owners weren't some monolithic bloc of individuals who spent all their time whipping, raping and torturing their slaves.

not all slave owners

[Napoleon]

Also did anyone even tell him about the trick where you ask for half of one meat and half of the other to get slightly more meat for free?

A magical negro homeless man standing outside my local Chipotle who asked me to buy him a meal taught me this trick. It's a testament to the power of charity and how it comes back to you tenfold.

[Ebowed]

23 and hopefully having some congressman I'm working for on top of me.

Wha?

I would like to have some nice young congressman to come at me while I am working for him.

[Simfan34]

You'd think they'd throw in Sicily for good measure, but let them have Wurzburg...

[⛄]

Who is Sarah Palin?

Palin was the governor of Alaska from 2006 to 2009 and she was McCain running mate in 2008.
She is said to be the pioneer of the Tea Party movement.

That answer reminds me of this: http://youtu.be/V-sred9CCTk

[Antonio the Sixth]

[Antonio the Sixth]

Suárez seem to have good taste. Italian food is the best.

The second sentence, taken out of context, doubles as Simple Truth.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

The North Korean regime is a cancer in the heart of Northeast Asia that must be ripped out- even if it costs Seoul in the process.

What profits a man to gain the world, and lose his Seoul?

[Antonio the Sixth]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=194587

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

The North Korean regime is a cancer in the heart of Northeast Asia that must be ripped out- even if it costs Seoul in the process.

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their Seoul?

Similar to Train's answer.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Inevitably, FF will win a landslide victory in 2045 when the forum becomes majority Hispanic.

[Simfan34]

A poltroon.

Such a slanderous attack on my character will not stand.  I am not the cowardly duel-dodger Einzige, I am a man who will defend his honor.  Pick your seconds and your weapons, sir, and let us see which one of us is truly the poltroon.

I, unlike the timid and weak Einzige, am no duel-dodger. I stand by my word, which is my honour. En Guard.

Who's this scoundrel that has entered my sight?
Why, since potatoes, he's Eire's greatest blight! 
He dares call me poltroon?  A dog with no bite
St. Paddy should've put this Celtic snake to flight!

Gully they call him, and gullible he is
Æthelred's prepared better comebacks than his
Foyle's the surname and foiled's his biz
His rhymes are as archaic as the dress on Queen Liz.

You lose this round Gully, but hey, it's not your fault
At least you have more courage than that coward Meursault
A worse man would've seen this challenge and gone Galt
Peace out.  I have a date with a straight-up single malt.

A post that belongs in the Goldmine, the Gallery, and the Sulphur Mine, all in one!

Bolded is particularly good! Legendary.

[Joe Republic]

What does Rafael Nadal bring to tennis?

a racket?

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

The North Korean regime is a cancer in the heart of Northeast Asia that must be ripped out- even if it costs Seoul in the process.

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their Seoul?

Similar to Train's answer.

We likely were using different translations of the same obvious Synoptic verse.  (Mark 8:36; Matthew 16:26; Luke 9:25)