The Atlasian Workingman's Paper

[Mechaman]

From the hills and valleys to the treetops to the big gray smokestacks!  This is the Mideast Workingman!  The Mideast's voice for Free Labor!:



WORKERS OF THE MIDEAST UNITE!  YOUR REVOLUTIONARY SAVIORS ARE HERE TO FREE YOU FROM THE BONDS AND SHACKLES OF FAR REICH MORAL AUTHORITARIANS AND THE CRIMES OF NEOLIBERAL MASS MURDERERS!

Before I begin let me ask you all a question, a very simple question:  ARE YOU SICK GODDAMN IT!?



ARE YOU GODDAMN SICK!  Because I sure as hell am!  I'm sick to the pit of my stomach at the crimes that the Owners have foisted upon this region!  It is truly a crime and an atrocity and it just makes me pissed to my core that these liars, these dictators, these motherfInksers can think they can walk in here and dictate to us, the working men and women of this great region, like we are tinker toys for their Great Old Puppet Show!  Well I say enough is enough!  I am mad goddamn it!  I am mad!  And I am sick and tired of all of these tyrants who think they can force their own moral codes and their sick and degraded lifestyles on the god fearing people of this great region!

This is the REAL PEOPLE'S PAPER!  We will be coming to live, not live, 24/7 to advance the cause of the workingmen and women of this region!  No longer will you be forced to deal with removed national papers that have no idea of the concern, of the pangs that you have!  We, the writers of the Mideast Workingman, are here for your concerns!  First and foremost!  We promise to give and represent the interests of the Mideast workers as best as we can against the jokesters in Nyman who think that they know best what we think!

We are coming for you, each and every one of you!  And we will not stop, we will not cease, we will not falter or retard our advances, until each every single one of you are fycking dead!

With that said, I will be accepting applications for positions at this paper.  I've already ran out of ideas, so please submit.  Apply now, as positions will run out fast!

[Mechaman]

Okay, folks, before we begin this great expedition into the minds of the public, I thought that I would start us off with this great little guide:

What The Owners Actually Believe:

1. One dead body in an imperialist war to expand the profits of a megaconglomerate corporation is never, EVER, enough!
2. Atlasia is a proud "christian" nation with strong biblical bedrock principals like women should be proud to have their rapist's baby, it is unfair to tax wealthy people more, killing mass murderers somehow makes us better than them, and cable tv is the work of Satan.  Okay, that last one might be a little true.
3. It is somehow statist to not ban the formation of unions at the behest of the business class.  However, using the arm of the government to illegalize unions in the workplace is somehow defending the libertarian principles of our nation's founders.
4. Smoking marijuana will turn you into a crack addicts in five minutes.  This is scientifically proven by every study in the universe.
5. It is unrealistic to have restaurants give their workers an actual minimum wage.  If restaurant waiters were given an actual minimum wage, cats would marry dogs, etc. etc.
6. Insurance Companies are God.
7. If you question your government, at all, you are being a paranoid little flapper and should keep your mouth shut.  Besides, President So and So did it all the time and nobody complained back then!  Why should they now!?
8. A 50% income tax on the upper class is MADNESS!  ABSOLUTE MADNESS!  They worked hard for that money, why do you meanies want to take it all away!?  You people just want to penalize success!
9. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN.  GET USED TO IT, DAMN IT.
10. Government should operate like a business.

Be sure to send your own "What The Owners Actually Believe!" factoids here!

[Talleyrand]

I strongly back this paper and its intentions.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

This is a damn good paper. *waves red flag and stabs CEO*

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

ARE YOU GODDAMN SICK!  Because I sure as hell am!  I'm sick to the pit of my stomach at the crimes that the leaders of the Federalist Party have foisted upon this region!  It is truly a crime and an atrocity and it just makes me pissed to my core that these liars, these dictators, these motherfInksers can think they can walk in here and dictate to us, the working men and women of this great region, like we are tinker toys for their Great Old Puppet Show!  Well I say enough is enough!  I am mad goddamn it!  I am mad!  And I am sick and tired of all of these tyrants who think they can force their own moral codes and their sick and degraded lifestyles on the god fearing people of this great region!

All Lies, Mr. Formerly Freedom Loving Mechaman!!!

Your reward is this battalion of corporate funded mercenaries with bayonets fixed. (Too Lazy to find Pic )


Man its been a long time since I had this much fun.

[TNF]

I endorse this red rag.

[MyRescueKittehRocks]

The statements of this paper are asinine.

1. The vast majority of Federalists oppose the excesses of corporatism.
2. Not all Federalists oppose abortion rights. I do because I believe the law is meant to protect the lives, rights and liberties and that includes those of babies in the womb. A uniform and equal tax system is not a progressive one but a flat rate. Last time I checked we, as a nation, believe and practice a tradition that is reluctant to intervene militarily and seek diplomatic solutions rather than war. Cable tv is ok but it could tone the sex and violence down a lot.
3. Unions are ok. However individuals right to arbitrate their own contracts and work alongside union workers.
4. Marijuana can be an option for medicinal purposes but recreational should be discouraged.
5. Last I checked, and I know on a personal basis, restaurant workers make more than minimum wage. Even waiters and waitresses.
6. Insurance companies are no more god than the government you so desire to wield the power thereof. I happen to know quite certainly that yes there is a, meaning only one, God and neither you or I am Him. He is great and full of love for all of us.
7. I question the government all the time. Needless to say I won't shut up against the excesses of government.
8. 50% percent tax rates is no more ludicrous than 10% percent. The government takes way too much from us all. Regardless of socioeconomic standing we have all been wrongly defrauded.
9. Government needs to get out of education.
10. Government should feel more like family.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

10. Government should feel more like family.

My family provides for my education and health and doesn't care that I'm gay.

[MyRescueKittehRocks]

10. Government should feel more like family.

My family provides for my education and health and doesn't care that I'm gay.

Do they not care about your spiritual life?

[Flake]

10. Government should feel more like family.

My family provides for my education and health and doesn't care that I'm gay.

Do they not care about your spiritual life?

So the government should be a theocracy?

[SWE]

10. Government should feel more like family.

My family provides for my education and health and doesn't care that I'm gay.

Do they not care about your spiritual life?

Why should they?

[Mechaman]

The statements of this paper are asinine.

1. The vast majority of Federalists oppose the excesses of corporatism.
2. Not all Federalists oppose abortion rights. I do because I believe the law is meant to protect the lives, rights and liberties and that includes those of babies in the womb. A uniform and equal tax system is not a progressive one but a flat rate. Last time I checked we, as a nation, believe and practice a tradition that is reluctant to intervene militarily and seek diplomatic solutions rather than war. Cable tv is ok but it could tone the sex and violence down a lot.
3. Unions are ok. However individuals right to arbitrate their own contracts and work alongside union workers.
4. Marijuana can be an option for medicinal purposes but recreational should be discouraged.
5. Last I checked, and I know on a personal basis, restaurant workers make more than minimum wage. Even waiters and waitresses.
6. Insurance companies are no more god than the government you so desire to wield the power thereof. I happen to know quite certainly that yes there is a, meaning only one, God and neither you or I am Him. He is great and full of love for all of us.
7. I question the government all the time. Needless to say I won't shut up against the excesses of government.
8. 50% percent tax rates is no more ludicrous than 10% percent. The government takes way too much from us all. Regardless of socioeconomic standing we have all been wrongly defrauded.
9. Government needs to get out of education.
10. Government should feel more like family.

I'll note for my good friend here that I said "the Owners", which is a wide base of people besides "teh Federalists".  Hell, this even includes some members of other parties, who have said in other places that they are okay with the lack of privacy and the slippery slope that is droned skies, though I bet their responses would be different if So and So of Different Party B was in charge.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

How dare you not acknowledge my homage to the good old days!!! You are not as fun as you use to be Mech.

[MyRescueKittehRocks]

10. Government should feel more like family.

My family provides for my education and health and doesn't care that I'm gay.

Do they not care about your spiritual life?

So the government should be a theocracy?

I'm a firm believer in Republican Democracy. I was asking if your family actually cared about your spiritual life. 

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

10. Government should feel more like family.

My family provides for my education and health and doesn't care that I'm gay.

Do they not care about your spiritual life?

No, they do not. My family does not make decisions based on what the Bible says.

[Mechaman]

Yo,

updates to come tomorrow, hopefully.

[Dr. Cynic]

This needs to become a national rag!

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

This needs to become a national rag!

Indeed! We shall champion the cause of the worker from coast to coast!

[Mechaman]

Back from a long absence!

The mission of Mechanism must be spread across the globe!  I am now a candidate for all offices!  Yes!  My vision knows no boundaries!

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Endorsed for all races.

All federal and local offices must be abolished and replaced with a single system under Mechanism.

[Maxwell]

Long Live The Age of Mecha!

[Mechaman]

And now the official sign!

[Mechaman]

The Mechaman Campaign: For All Offices, All Regions, and All Parties!:



Senator NCYankee speaking to the troops about why they should vote for Mechaman.

First off, I would like to say that I am very honored and proud to have the endorsement of the longest lasting Senator in the History of this game.  Yankee's service to this great country and his support of the causes we all hold so dear is a truly great thing.  I am sure that with the great Senator by my side we will be a great force to advance the causes of international socialism and Bolshevikism.

Anyway, good evening everyone!  You must be wondering what this candidacy is all about!  Let me just answer that right now: I intend to run for all offices on every single party ticket in history in all regions on a platform of everything!

Why?  Because nobody cares about helping the common Atlasian.  If they truly did, why doesn't everybody run on a platform of everything!?

Easy, because of special interests.  Special crooked evil interests!  That infect the very fabric and heart of this nation and it's politics!  And it is high damn time that someone, me, take a stand to these fascists and fight for everybody!  Every single person and every single cause!  No favorites, no least favorites, and no exceptions!

Try beating that, motherfookererers.

[Mechaman]

The Big Lie:

Oh yes we are at this subject again.  The subject of the Big Lie.  Known throughout the centuries as the thing that has given the elites all of their power and prestige, the Big Lie has come to it's zenith in this election.  None of the parties, NOBODY!, wants to talk about the deadly and nefarious secret that these elites have been hiding for years.

And what is that secret my friends?  What is it that the Elites yield over us common people like an axe dipped in acid that drips the skin off of our face!?  What is it that they wield like the battlehammer in the eye!?

Simple.  The Atlasian Federal Government has kept secret for decades, going back to the year 1955, the invention of the world's first time machine.



You heard it here first.  And it won't be the last you hear of it.
The trail of time erased blood, gripped from the hands of the federal government, is large and non-ending.  The usage of time erasure has been exponential since the creation of the first machine in November of 1955.  Nobody wants you to know the truth, for the truth is dearly scary.

Since 1955, Time Machine agents have gone back in time to set history to their narrative and to their special interest advantages.  Don't believe me?  Well take a look:

After decades of economic failures and the military industrial complex on the verge of bankruptcy after the world powers stuck pretty true to their word not to wage another war again after the Great War, scientists under the lock and key of the federal government create the world's first time machine with the intent to "create a situation for a war to arise, in the past, so that we may avoid economic ruin."  The Time Machine on it's first mission sends back a stoned Frenchman to instruct the Allies at the original Versailles Conference to offer up to the Germans a much more harsh surrender than they were originally planned for.  However, the German Government, sensing that things will not go well for them anyway, decide to sign the document of surrender.  In the immediate aftermath a Communist revolution occurs in Munich, leading to the establishment of a People's Republic of Bavaria.  The Allies, still feeding off of post war paranoia, decide to send in troops against both the Bavarians, who have since conquered Berlin and are now marching towards Paris, and their radical Soviet Allies who have just now finished the Russian Revolution and are now marching through the fields of recently created Polish Republic.  The Soviets, due to the defection of several Allied scientists who had an ideological zeal for Communism, start using brutal biological warfare against Allied populations, decimating the populations of many Eastern and Southern European nations.  The USSR is led by the radical Marxist Internationalist Leon Trotsky, who promises to march his armies "to the four corners of the Earth".  By March of 1924, the uncontrollable Communist hordes have marched all the way to the shores of Lisbon, leaving just the brave United Kingdom outside of it's grasp.  United States President Woodrow Wilson gets elected to a third term in 1920 and promptly leads the United States of America into a totalitarian regime that is wholeheartedly focused to stamping out "the Red Menace" at all costs.  Any and all ethnic loyalties get questioned and many thousands of Americans are sent to jail.  By April a Soviet government is installed in the newly formed Irish Dail, a move that is made possible by radical elements of the Sinn Fein party using forces of terror and violence to subdue the more diplomatic Fianna Fail party.  The USSR, now a coalition of every nation in Europe against the British capitalists.  But alas, in just nine months the whole of Britain is conquered by the unstoppable Soviet menace.
The United States stands alone among the "Western" nations, as many South American and Central American governments line up behind the Soviet Union as an anti-capitalistic force.  Due to the emergency situation, Wilson decides to suspend the US Constitution and appoint himself President for Life and suspend all future elections until "the crisis is resolved."  The decision is instantly met with massive riots throughout the nation.  The Communist Party of America, once thought banned, would call for a revolution to overthrow the "corrupt and petty bank rolled government" of the country.  Within days there is a massive majority black revolution occuring in the South, violently overthrowing the incumbent Jim Crow governments and replacing them with openly Communist state governments that call for the nationalization of all state industries and the confiscation of all arms from the elites and the distribution of such arms to the lower classes.  Many Northern whites are alarmed by the massive black revolts in the South, but find themselves further in a world of hurt as radical labor unions with hundreds of thousands of ethnic European laborers decide to start an urban revolt against the city patronage machines and start their own communistic governments.  By May of 1926, approximately 80 million Americans live under some form of Communistic rule.  It is estimated that over 5 million people die in this time period, as both the Communists and the capitalistic elites commit campaigns of mass murder and ethnic cleansing against various groups they consider "harmful".  With DC burning at the hands of the People's Army of Baltimore, the aging Wilson and his Cabinet retreat FAR into the west to hide a cavern system somewhere in the Utah desert.  As the forces of Communism span the globe, finally achieving worldwide domination in the Spring of 1933, the world enters an era of eternal darkness.  Untold millions are murdered on suspicion of aiding "the Bourgeois elites".  Over 60 million are murdered in China alone, the victims of the worst famine in world history propagated by Soviet authorities due to resistance among the natives.  Similar mass starvation campaigns are carried out in the Ukraine, Poland, Syria, India, and most of Africa.  American spies, members of the last surviving vestiges of the US Government in 1950, estimate that the Communist conquest of the world had resulted in the deaths of over 200 million people, nearly an eighth of the world's population.
It had seemed that all the forces of America could do was to hide in their little cave and just start waiting till the day they die.  As the numbers of the "survivors" dwindled down to a dozen, the two remaining scientists make a significant breakthrough: They find the equation for time travel!  Using that equation they discovered as well as a Tesla Coil power supply provided by the late Nikola Tesla as a gift to the US before his death, the American Government manages to get an active Time Machine online by August 8th, 1955.  With the energy source detected by Soviet radar, they are ale to send someone back in time.

But just you wait!  It gets better!:
It turns out that due to the pure randomness of the machine (they couldn't even predict the time or place they would be sent to, just that it would be sometime before 1919.  The time traveler, a Mr. Johan Isacks, ends up in the middle of f***ing nowhere, Colorado.  In the middle of the snowy Winter he manages to find a place with a nice big bosomed American lady serving hot cakes.  They end up making whoopie all night long.  Izacks forgot his condoms and she got preggers.  Having been raised in a staunchly religious Quaker community, Isacks immediately abandoned his mission and settled down in Leadville as he and Wilma, his new wife, raised eight kids in the snowy isolation.
A random German traveler who had been carrying a copy of Marx's Das Kapital finds Izack's journal from the future.  However nothing is written in it.  Not because the time travel erased his notes, but because Izacks was a lazyman who never ever took notes.  THe outraged revolutionary, already frustrated that somebody beat him to the McKinley assassination, angrily throws the journal into the fire as kindling.  With nothing found from the recent discovery the German Marxist is so frustrated and tired that he just calls it a day and sleeps right on the snowy passage.  The next morning he wakes up as some grizzly bear's breakfast.
But wait!  I'm not done yet!  It tuns out that that German Revolutionary was a guy named Theodore Nelsteim Fuerhelm, who in the previous timeline arrived just in time with a case of TnT that would result in the favor of the Bavarian Socialists in 1919 during the Revolution!  His untimely death in this timeline would have grave consequences, as the Bavarian Uprising is crushed within hours of the formation of the Communist government.  As a result, a man named Anton Drexler would come to prominence in the early 1920s as the head of the militant and nationalist Free Workers Committee for a good Peace.  Later on as the party became more and more popular, Drexler would come be elected President of Germany and would have a commanding majority in Parliament.  However, after he started his campaign to "excise the Jew", former Allied countries banded together 1933 to remove him from power.  About 2,000 people died as a result of the actions of the Drexler regime.
A few wars did happen, but nothing was enough to save the military industrial complex.  By May of 1960 the Military Industrial Complex recorded record losses.
Something needed to be done.

Continued.

[Mechaman]

The Big Lie, Continued:

With bankruptcy in it's future, the Military Industrial Complex, in a last ditch gambit, decided to send somebody back in time to kill Anton Drexler so that popular strongman Gregor Sasser could take over.  However, the time people screwed up the coordinates on the machine and ended up sending the man back to the battlefront on the side of Germany during World War I.  The man, being of little military experience, was soon dispensed of.  While in the trenches a stray bullet would hit him while he was talking to one Adolf Hitler, a disgruntled man who was rejected to art school a few years back in Vienna.
And we all know the rest of the story.
Needless to say, the MIC has had much better days.

That is why you must elect the Mecha to all offices.  Only the Mecha can stop the evil special interests from rewriting history to their benefit and restore the natural flow of history to the people.  With Mechaman in all offices, you can be guaranteed that he will do everything in his power to destroy time travel.  Even if it means committing mass genocide.

Vote Mechaman.  He would commit genocide to stop time traveling crooks from rewriting your future!