UPDATE: RILEY STILL HAS NOT DENIED ALLEGATIONS

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

*Drudge sirens*

In a shocking twist of events, political pundit and professional right-wing hack Mr. Riley Keaton was accused of stabbing another man five times and leaving him in a ditch, "probably because he was black", says an anonymous source. Mr. Keaton has not been reached for comment because he lives in a doomsday bunker in Idaho, or so says my secret police force of attractive, constantly shirtless men the CIA.

Mr. Keaton has so far not denied these allegations - more on this story as it develops.

[Hifly]

If these allegations prove true, Mr Keaton ought to tender his resignation. This is Unacceptable. His COMPETENCE is at stake.

[Napoleon]

If these allegations prove true, Mr Keaton ought to tender his resignation. This is Unacceptable. His COMPETENCE is at stake.

Forensics analysis suggests his arm strength was insufficient to puncture skin. A second suspect is being investigated.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

IS THIS THE FEDERALIST PARTY'S CHOICE FOR GOVERNOR? WOULD YOU VOTE FOR A MAN THAT DID THIS?

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT

MANHUNT ARRANGED FOR GOV. KEATON

Sen. Alfred F. Jones (Lab-Somewhere in the NE) held a press conference earlier stating that "Riley P. Keaton must be stopped before he kills again," reluctantly enlisting the aid of a local sovereign citizen militia to "deal out some street justice." Keaton still has not provided any answers as to his current location (though the GPS tracker placed on him while he slept last night keeps changing to various locations in Central Europe) or to the various questions this intrepid reporter asked him (although it must be noted here that the questions were all written on pieces of paper and attached to bricks which were then thrown through the windows of the First Unitarian Church of Rochester). More on this story as it develops.

[tmthforu94]

You people are turning this game into a ing joke.

[TJ in Oregon]

As Lieutenant Governor of the Mideast, I must express my complete confidence in Governor Riley Keaton and my belief that these claims have no basis in reality. I do not see how charges could even be brought forth on such a ludicrous and unprovable claim.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

As Lieutenant Governor of the Mideast, I must express my complete confidence in Governor Riley Keaton and my belief that these claims have no basis in reality. I do not see how charges could even be brought forth on such a ludicrous and unprovable claim.

Your concerns have been noted.

[Sec. of State Superique]

You people are turning this game into a ing joke.

Thank you Tmth and I'm thinking about that too...