Deadlocked or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Trust The Electoral College

[Enderman]

Marco: Okay now look. I know its hard, but we cannot let this happen. Its for the people, for America, Ted.

Ted: Marco, I know that your cronies-

Marco: This party are not cronies Ted, I thought we went over this...

*Marco groans*

Ted: Okay now look. You want the Presidency, so does Rob. I know that you're trying to do this for the greater good, but we need to figure this out in another way.

Marco: Ted, please, I know in your state no one's supposed to mess with you, but chill out. You're getting way too carried away.

Ted: Marco with all do respect, shut the heck up. I don't care if you're trying to ruin the party or what not-

Marco: TED. You are getting way ahead of yourself. Lord help you. Ugh. Look I know that we both came from the same background, even though we came from different borders, but look at it this way: I am trying to save this party, and you're just... just...


Ted: ...in the way? Look, the Base helped your win, but seriously, are you really gonna turn a cold shoulder to them?

Marco: That's not what I said. That's not what I said.

Ted: Well on this side of the line it sure seems like it...

Marco: I'm sorry you feel that way, but we can't let the Democrats take another four years. We are already down the toilet, Obamacare passed, LGBT is already-

Ted: -thanks to you!

Marco: Ted, seriously, I know that its horrible, but our new platform promotes state's rights.

Ted: Well its not enough. You know that.

Marco: Ugh... Look maybe I can work something out with our new charter, but we can't just alienate millions of people just so that we can achieve more of our base.

Ted: You do know that you're talking to the biggest proponents of the GOP base right now?

Marco: Yes, Yes, I know... Look I know that you hold the delegates, Rob wants your delegates as much as me.

Ted: Look, two years ago we took a beating in the midterms because of our platform...

*Marco thinks for a moment, he knows that that wasn't fully true, the GOP platform was out of touch, but its because of an unanticipated response by the President*

Marco: Okay. Well think of it this way, who would probably be the more likely to accept the Base and lead them to victory, me or Rob.

Ted: Ugh.... You probably, because of Rob being a RINO and all.

Marco: Ted, just because Rob had family problems doesn't mean he's a RINO

Ted: And just because he had family problems doesn't mean he just had to go full on supporting the issue.

Marco: Whatever. What I'm asking is this: Would you rather vote for me or Rob.

Ted: Look, you heard me on Face the Nation, the View and all the other news sources, if I'll endorse someone, I'll endorse them, if not, then I won't.

Marco: Well when you do, do it quickly. Anybody knows that if we vote too many times in Phoenix, the GOP might sink.

Ted: Well it does seem that America is tired of the Democrats.

Marco: True...

Ted: Well you'll know soon enough...

Marco: Okay. See ya then...

*click*

[NHLiberal]

YES this looks amazing

[Enderman]

U.S. Presidential Election, 2016:


Nominee:                    Hillary Clinton                                              Jeb Bush 

Party:                        Democrat                                                     Republican

Running Mate:                    Mark Warner                                           Susana Martinez

294                                244

*Marco sits back in his chair, various people walk by, he opens an Aquifina and has a flashback*


Marco: Jeb, I hope you can pull it off, Virginia was a flop, but you could pull it off. Really all you need is Ohio, Nevada and New Mexi-

Staff Member: WAIT THEY HAVE OHIO AND NEVADA!!

Wolf Blitzer: And finally its 3 O'clock on the East Coast and finally we have the results, and ladies and gentlemen we can project history. Hillary Rodham Clinton is going to be the first female President of the United States!

*Bush/Martinez camp goes crazy and yelling and cussing everywhere*

Marco: ...what. What the actual ****!  WE HAD THE SOUTHWEST!

Ted: I told you Marco that you should've had Bush pick me.

Marco: Okay whatever. We just lost the election. How the heck did this happen?

Jeb: Whatever. We lost and that's that. I guess they won't have to kick around a Bush anymore.

Marco: You don't say!

Ted: Well hopefully this is a wakeup call for the GOP.

Marco: Oh please do not run. Then we're gonna have a fourth Democratic term.

Ted: What are you talking about? It already started.

[Enderman]

January, 2020



Hillary: Mr. Vice President,

Warner: Mad'am President?

Hillary: I was looking at the whole election and a thought crossed my mind.

Warner: Yes?

Hillary: Since I'm quite frail, I'm not sure that I want to continue running, so I've been thinking of just not running for another term.

Warner: WHAT? Why?!

Hillary: Well, I've thought about it, and what difference does it make? I'm already the most famous President ever, I've set a legacy, with the whole SSM, abortion, next thing I need to do is just finish the job with the ERA and I have a legacy bigger than Bill's.

Warner: What are you talking about?

Hillary: Back in the midterms, the Democrats destroyed the GOP. Now they only control the House, by only 7 seats, no Governorship majority, no Senate Majority, state governments are barely in control of the Republicans. The Tea Party is gone, their firewall is crumbled. The DNC can handle this.

Warner: What about party fatigue?

Hillary: That's the thing. We've already have a safety net, and the DNC needs a new face.

Warner: Wait, what do you mean?

Hillary: I think its time for the new Democrats to rise.

Warner: What do you mean?

Hillary Governor Newsom, Governor Gabbard, Senator Castro, Senator Booker; we need them at the face of the Democratic Party.

Warner: So wait, doesn't that mean that I can't run?

Hillary: I didn't say that you can't.

Warner: Well that's what it came across as...

Hillary: Whatever. What I'm trying to say is that I'm gonna tell everyone that I'm not gonna run for re-election.

Warner: Well I hope that you know what you're doing.


BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT CLINTON NOT RUNNING FOR REELECTION, NOT GOING TO ENDORSE ANYONE YET

[Attorney General, LGC Speaker, and Former PPT Dwarven Dragon]

January, 2020



Hillary: Mr. Vice President,

Warner: Mad'am President?

Hillary: I was looking at the whole election and a thought crossed my mind.

Warner: Yes?

Hillary: Since I'm quite frail, I'm not sure that I want to continue running, so I've been thinking of just not running for another term.

Warner: WHAT? Why?!

Hillary: Well, I've thought about it, and what difference does it make? I'm already the most famous President ever, I've set a legacy, with the whole SSM, abortion, next thing I need to do is just finish the job with the ERA and I have a legacy bigger than Bill's.

Warner: What are you talking about?

Hillary: Back in the midterms, the Democrats destroyed the GOP. Now they only control the House, by only 7 seats, no Governor mansions, no Senate Seats, state governments are barely in control of the Republicans. The Tea Party is gone, their firewall is crumbled. The DNC can handle this.

Warner: What about party fatigue?

Hillary: That's the thing. We've already have a safety net, and the DNC needs a new face.

Warner: Wait, what do you mean?

Hillary: I think its time for the new Democrats to rise.

Warner: What do you mean?

Hillary Governor Newsom, Governor Gabbard, Senator Castro, Senator Booker; we need them at the face of the Democratic Party.

Warner: So wait, doesn't that mean that I can't run?

Hillary: I didn't say that you can't.

Warner: Well that's what it came across as...

Hillary: Whatever. What I'm trying to say is that I'm gonna tell everyone that I'm not gonna run for re-election.

Warner: Well I hope that you know what you're doing.


BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT CLINTON NOT RUNNING FOR REELECTION, NOT GOING TO ENDORSE ANYONE YET

Wait, how exactly did states like Alabama elect democratic senators and governors? And how does the GOP still come close to getting the presidency in 2016, and still hold the house and a majority of state legislatures while losing every single senate and gubernatorial race in 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018? This doesn't make any sense at all.

[Enderman]

January, 2020



Hillary: Mr. Vice President,

Warner: Mad'am President?

Hillary: I was looking at the whole election and a thought crossed my mind.

Warner: Yes?

Hillary: Since I'm quite frail, I'm not sure that I want to continue running, so I've been thinking of just not running for another term.

Warner: WHAT? Why?!

Hillary: Well, I've thought about it, and what difference does it make? I'm already the most famous President ever, I've set a legacy, with the whole SSM, abortion, next thing I need to do is just finish the job with the ERA and I have a legacy bigger than Bill's.

Warner: What are you talking about?

Hillary: Back in the midterms, the Democrats destroyed the GOP. Now they only control the House, by only 7 seats, no Governor mansions, no Senate Seats, state governments are barely in control of the Republicans. The Tea Party is gone, their firewall is crumbled. The DNC can handle this.

Warner: What about party fatigue?

Hillary: That's the thing. We've already have a safety net, and the DNC needs a new face.

Warner: Wait, what do you mean?

Hillary: I think its time for the new Democrats to rise.

Warner: What do you mean?

Hillary Governor Newsom, Governor Gabbard, Senator Castro, Senator Booker; we need them at the face of the Democratic Party.

Warner: So wait, doesn't that mean that I can't run?

Hillary: I didn't say that you can't.

Warner: Well that's what it came across as...

Hillary: Whatever. What I'm trying to say is that I'm gonna tell everyone that I'm not gonna run for re-election.

Warner: Well I hope that you know what you're doing.


BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT CLINTON NOT RUNNING FOR REELECTION, NOT GOING TO ENDORSE ANYONE YET

Wait, how exactly did states like Alabama elect democratic senators and governors? And how does the GOP still come close to getting the presidency in 2016, and still hold the house and a majority of state legislatures while losing every single senate and gubernatorial race in 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018? This doesn't make any sense at all.

Carp oh no I meant no majorities, they still have seats but oh crap that was a horrible mistake. Thanks for pointing it out.

[Enderman]

Connecticut Republican Primary

Florida Senator Marco Rubio 39.5%
Ohio Senator Robert Portman 39.2%
Texas Senator Ted Cruz 21.3%

Wolf Blitzer: And with that we have all of Connecticut's votes accounted for and we can now put the Nutmeg State into the Rubio column. No where near enough to give Marco the nomination, but it does continue his roll, last week Rubio won Delaware, New Jersey and Idaho. Senator Cruz came in last at an underwhelming 21 percent compared to 39.5 percent for Senator Rubio and 39.2 percent for Senator Portman.

*Blitzer walks over to the national map*

And over here is the map showing the final map for the Republican Presidential Primaries. They are definitely gonna have a hard time to figure out what to do in Phoenix on August 12th...