Update XVI: Sidejackin' it in the Train Room.

[Mr. Morden]

On topic, it's clear he knew he was about to get dumped, so freaked out and dumped her. On the upside, it's at least it's a legitimate reason... and if she's stupid enough to take you on a THIRD time, she deserves you.

Sounds like it played out very much like the last breakup.  Bushie dumps her because he was afraid he was about to get dumped himself, just like he did over the botched joke.

But just like in that case, it sounds rather fishy.  Do real people actually say "I think I'm going to break up with you by the end of next week"?  Is Allison Bushie-esque in putting a timeframe on such things?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

These two don't need to get married if this is what's going on. It's not normal to keep breaking up and getting back together at later dates. Maybe Allison got sick of bushie. I guess we'll know what happens if she starts trashing him online again.

[J-Mann]

She was probably under pressure from her father. As to why she would give a deadline for her own decision ... who knows? Facing an impending engagement and marriage is a big deal, and she may have said, "I need some time to think about whether I'm ready for all this ... I promise I'll have an answer by next Friday." And Mr. Jitters thought, "Well f[inks] you! If you can't share my predilection for rushing major life decisions, then you're not the gal for me!"

Speculation, of course.

Oh, and Indy ... it's not a net loss of six pounds. If we're looking at the entire history of the update, we're at a net gain of, what, 35+ pounds?

You're headed in the right direction, Jeff, but I'll continue to tell you to try more-radical means than self-regulation (which has resulted in this net gain). You need a personal trainer.

[Small Business Owner of Any Repute]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

[J-Mann]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

RIP Allison
RIP Undercover Engagement

and worst of all.....

RIP The Jeffison Wedding Tailgate.  : (

[Adam Griffin]

In regards to the breakup and the real story: someone call me when Bushie pulls out the caps and absolutes. That's when you know you're about to get him.

[Flake]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I just hope you can get through this.

Moving on to a completely different subject: I think it would be beneficial to you if you walked that 1/4 mile with clothes to the laundromat, it would be positive for your health, although not enough exercise as you need to do in order to lose weight.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Oh, and I guess I should provide the first weight check of Season XVI.  I have now lost 6 pounds since July 13.  I have dropped from 292 to 286.  I continue to watch my calories and try to stay within 2,300 calories each day.

There is no reason you should be eating any more than 2,000 a day.

I use the myfitnesspal app on my iPhone to track my weight and food intake and it says to lose a pound a week, I need to stay under 2,300.  There are days I do stay under 2,000, maybe 2,100.  Today, I had just under 2,500 just because I had a big breakfast.  I had a light dinner tonight, so I tried to salvage what I could in my diet.

So instead of discussing this with your doctor or a nutritionist, you're using an iPhone app. And when the iPhone app told you to stay under 2,300 calories a day, you went ahead and had 2,500. This is really going well. You had a big breakfast because you chose to have a big breakfast. If you hadn't done that, you wouldn't have gone over your limit and had to "salvage" at the end of the day.

Did you not read anything else I said?  It was just one day.  Most days I'm well under 2,300.  You have no right to attack me over one day that wasn't that far over.

If you were well under 2,300 calories per day, you wouldn't be encroaching on 300 lbs.

And what was her reason for being about done? For a couple who was almost engaged twice, this is not normal behavior... you do realize that, right?

You do realize is not normal to continually interrogate a fellow man about his breakup when it's none of your damn business, right?

Jeff, if you don't want to discuss your private life, then stop discussing your private life.  You could end Update by choosing to just not post about your life, yet you choose not to.

Now you're getting all sassy and pissed off--another sign that you know you're wrong.  So let's skip all the BS that usually goes on over the next two days where you claim you did nothing wrong and the forum asks you questions and you eventually admit that you did something really stupid and just skip to the part where you tell us what you did.

This sounds basically like the last time you dumped her: you misread some cues, so you brought up the breakup topic, and then you claimed the whole thing was mutual.

I truly hope it was mutual (or that she dumped you), but if you overreacted and dumped her, then for her own sake, you shouldn't try to get back together this time.  You're toying with the poor woman's heart because you won't seek the mental help that you need.  It's one thing to hurt yourself with your stubbornness, but now you're hurting more and more people, and it's just sad.

[Smash255]

Bushie,

First off, sorry about the breakup, I know it can be rough. With that being said, you need to be honest.  If off the bat you said, hey Allison and I broke up its a little tough right now and I don't wish to discuss it, I think most of us would have respected that.  However, when you go down to this mutual breakup thing and immediately try to shut it down, it makes people think.

Secondly, the 2,300 calorie thing isn't going to do crap for you unless you get some exercise. 

[Eraserhead]

Welcome to Season XVI.  Eraserhead, I must say you were a great host for Season xv.  I'm looking forward to seeing what this season holds.

Thank you Bushie. I appreciate your support. This season already looks like it has the potential to go down with some of the all-time classics.

I am legitimately bummed to hear about your falling out with Allison though. If you need some time to process things that's understandable but eventually we are going to want a more detailed explanation of what exactly happened with her (especially since it was me and a couple of others here who helped you to patch things up with her after jokegate).

I did see that you mentioned something about her health. Has it taken a turn for the worse? I can certainly understand how that could stress someone out.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

The fitness pal app us bunk. Remember several seasons ago when Our Dear Friend tried to figure out how to trick a walking distance app by driving? 

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

I worked out what my regular daily calorie intake is... and you really need to be trying to get to 2300 calories.

[Franzl]

I worked out what my regular daily calorie intake is... and you really need to be trying to get to 2300 calories.

Not if your meals primarily consist of frozen pizzas, bacon cheeseburgers and liters of coke.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

I worked out what my regular daily calorie intake is... and you really need to be trying to get to 2300 calories.

Not if your meals primarily consist of frozen pizzas, bacon cheeseburgers and liters of coke.

Indeed... consuming anything above 2000 calories is a sign that your diet is killing you. Plus, no wonder he's constantly dealing with digestive issues ... put two and two together sparky.

[AndrewTX]

Oh, and I guess I should provide the first weight check of Season XVI.  I have now lost 6 pounds since July 13.  I have dropped from 292 to 286.  I continue to watch my calories and try to stay within 2,300 calories each day.

There is no reason you should be eating any more than 2,000 a day.

I use the myfitnesspal app on my iPhone to track my weight and food intake and it says to lose a pound a week, I need to stay under 2,300.  There are days I do stay under 2,000, maybe 2,100.  Today, I had just under 2,500 just because I had a big breakfast.  I had a light dinner tonight, so I tried to salvage what I could in my diet.

BTW Jeffie, that is wrong. For someone who had a nutritionist help me out, I went more hardcore and my calorie intake is between 1300-1600 a day. For someone as...sturdy.. as yourself, you should be having about 1900 a day, especially since you do no physical activities.

[AndrewTX]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

....this is hands down the best thing I've heard in forever...make love to me?

[Mr. Morden]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

....this is hands down the best thing I've heard in forever...make love to me?

Heard?  So I'm not the only one who listens to the audiobook version of Update (narrated by Benedict Cumberpatch)?

[Flake]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

....this is hands down the best thing I've heard in forever...make love to me?

Heard?  So I'm not the only one who listens to the audiobook version of Update (narrated by Benedict Cumberpatch)?

I'm actually listening to the Betty White version.

[AndrewTX]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

....this is hands down the best thing I've heard in forever...make love to me?

Heard?  So I'm not the only one who listens to the audiobook version of Update (narrated by Benedict Cumberpatch)?

Oh dear lord, no...I got the limited collectors edition Harvey Fierstein narration.

[memphis]

As big as Bushie is, I'm certain he's eating at least 4,000 calories each day. You don't get to be 300 lbs by eating a few extra bites each day. That said, my intent is not to fat shame. Like many Americans, especially religious ones, he has a very difficult addiction to junk food. I guarantee he binges on cheatsnacks regularly.

[Keystone Phil]

I worked out what my regular daily calorie intake is... and you really need to be trying to get to 2300 calories.

Not if your meals primarily consist of frozen pizzas, bacon cheeseburgers and liters of coke.

Hey! That's Diet Coke to you, partner!

[J-Mann]

Heard?  So I'm not the only one who listens to the audiobook version of Update (narrated by Benedict Cumberpatch)?

Oh dear lord, no...I got the limited collectors edition Harvey Fierstein narration.

Jeff's posts are significantly better when read in Droopy's voice. The ones where he's stubbornly adamant that he's right when he's so very clearly wrong ("I did have an extra cheeseburger, but I've been doing well on my diet and deserve to treat myself once in a while.") are the best.

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

....this is hands down the best thing I've heard in forever...make love to me?

a/s/l?

[AndrewTX]

Heard?  So I'm not the only one who listens to the audiobook version of Update (narrated by Benedict Cumberpatch)?

Oh dear lord, no...I got the limited collectors edition Harvey Fierstein narration.

Jeff's posts are significantly better when read in Droopy's voice. The ones where he's stubbornly adamant that he's right when he's so very clearly wrong ("I did have an extra cheeseburger, but I've been doing well on my diet and deserve to treat myself once in a while.") are the best.

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

....this is hands down the best thing I've heard in forever...make love to me?

a/s/l?

Damnit!! Now I'm going to have to read all of his posts as Droopy!

....31/M/TX

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I told her I needed to focus on establishing myself in this job and she said she needed to focus on her health.

She broke up with you because you were getting fatter and she was getting slimmer?

I promise you there was nothing "slim" about that woman, aside from her chances of keeping both feet past age 40.

#rekt