Update XVI: Sidejackin' it in the Train Room.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I'd be prepared to offer a qualified defense of the existence of Update in many ways, but this 'season', 'executive producer', 'treating it like an actual work of serialized fiction' thing has gotten really out of hand and really perverse.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I'd be prepared to offer a qualified defense of the existence of Update in many ways, but this 'season', 'executive producer', 'treating it like an actual work of serialized fiction' thing has gotten really out of hand and really perverse.

Well a lot of it has been nothing more than serialized fiction.

...fair point.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

it is August 2014 in Oklahoma

As opposed to where?

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Seriously, Bushie, look into bariatric surgery. This can't go on indefinitely. Or maybe it can, but it shouldn't.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Procrastination on buying pots, pans, and other "cooking gear" is probably another reason he hasn't touched his oven/stove either.

The idea of a home not having pots and pans as a matter of course is perennially difficult to wrap my head around, but I just ate a dinner consisting almost entirely of asparagus and cucumber, so what do I know.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I've got all the pots and pans I really need.  I don't have a lot of knives, which is a good thing as my Tourette's occasionally causes my arm to jerk and I have nearly lost a few fingers because of that.  On top of that, I am very clumsy, so everybody is safer when I don't have a sharp knife in my hand.  I have to use them occasionally, of course, but I try to use them as little as possible.  If I can use a butter knife for something, I will use a butter knife.  I realize that's not much, but you get my drift.

I see. That is a legitimate hindrance, but may I ask if you hold the things that you're cutting properly?

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I've got all the pots and pans I really need.  I don't have a lot of knives, which is a good thing as my Tourette's occasionally causes my arm to jerk and I have nearly lost a few fingers because of that.  On top of that, I am very clumsy, so everybody is safer when I don't have a sharp knife in my hand.  I have to use them occasionally, of course, but I try to use them as little as possible.  If I can use a butter knife for something, I will use a butter knife.  I realize that's not much, but you get my drift.

I see. That is a legitimate hindrance, but may I ask if you hold the things that you're cutting properly?

I think I am, but, to be honest, I'm not quite sure.

Do you curl your fingers to keep your fingertips out of the way of the knife?

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I've got all the pots and pans I really need.  I don't have a lot of knives, which is a good thing as my Tourette's occasionally causes my arm to jerk and I have nearly lost a few fingers because of that.  On top of that, I am very clumsy, so everybody is safer when I don't have a sharp knife in my hand.  I have to use them occasionally, of course, but I try to use them as little as possible.  If I can use a butter knife for something, I will use a butter knife.  I realize that's not much, but you get my drift.

I see. That is a legitimate hindrance, but may I ask if you hold the things that you're cutting properly?

I think I am, but, to be honest, I'm not quite sure.

Do you curl your fingers to keep your fingertips out of the way of the knife?

Yes

In that case, you know that it is possible to cook and eat well without having to chop everything, right? There are dishes that are entirely mixing.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I thought it was obvious that he does, but that he refuses to acknowledge it or seek treatment because that's Not Done in Oklahoma...?

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

What? So church is considered corporate worship all the time then?

Yes, although types of Protestantism other than Bushie's will often use less misleading/worrying adjectives, like 'common' or 'communal'.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Don't say 'might'. Eat one.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Bushie, you should put some Green Giant Broccoli with Cheese Sauce in the microwave some time. Or maybe some Buttery Snap Peas.

I know, I know, you're considering it.

Considering I loathe broccoli, then its safe to say, I'm not even considering it.

I had that problem too until I learned how to do something with it besides just steaming it.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

My stomach is kind of rumbling this morning, so I don't know if I'll be able to handle Mexican food for dinner.  I may have to go with the usual American food tonight.

I'm not sure that's much better.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Bushie, have you accepted that at some point you're just going to have to start horking down foods you don't like very much whether you want to or not if you want to stand even a remote chance of getting healthy again?

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Bushie, are you willing to drink apple or orange juice?