people you miss (kitteh is dead.. rip)

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I know they're not "missing" but I miss the days when Alcon could shred just about anyone he tangled with in debate, and nicely so.  And few if any can hold their ground against the Mikado (unless you buy him a whiskey or two, right Mik? )

Damn those boys for getting a life.

[pendragon]

anvi, Lewis, wormyguy, belgiansocialist.   Scott if he doesn't come back.  I sort of miss drj just because cats.

Franknburger needs to come back.

I hadn't really realized he'd left, but him too.

people that i actually still am in touch with that are rarely/never here:

- winston
- states
- wormy (lol...)
- straha
- nekomata (very close, excuse the weeb name)

Hi everyone, the poster formerly known as wormyguy here. Just to put first things first, contrary to what you may believe, I was never banned on my old account, I just abruptly left because I realized I was making my life revolve around the forum in a way that was taking a severe toll on my mental and emotional health (and, if I'm being honest, the mental and emotional health of a few fellow forumites too). Anyway, I created a new account instead of using my old one because I felt it would be better to start from a "clean slate" as opposed to the very considerable baggage associated with my old account.  As far as I'm concerned I'm never going to log in to my old account again, so I'm doing the Mint thing, if that's still allowed.

TL;DR for the following: long-winded apology of sorts for my previous general sh[inks]iness.

Anyway, I used to be a pretty stupid kid, and now I'm a more chillaxed adult. IRL, I was a spergy closeted-gay kid at my high school. No social life, bullied constantly, I didn't know anyone else my age who was gay and I was terrified of coming out myself for (very legitimate) fear of the bullying getting even worse. I was interested in politics in my own spergy way, so I came across this site in my online travels. At the time the internet was really the only place where I could have a conversation - about a mutual interest! - with anyone outside my family. I wouldn't say I substituted the internet for my social life so much as the internet was my social life.

The thing about politics is that it's not really a great mutual interest to make friends with (hence, why most consider it a no-go topic IRL). Actually, it's a topic that makes people get very nasty, and very personal, very fast. And even though I joined the forum as a moderate-hero Charlie Baker/Bill Weld-type Massachusetts Republican with a peacenik streak, that was still an ideological standpoint that sat outside the tenor of this forum enough that I started to find myself getting into flame wars with a few people. I started a few, other people started a few with me - it doesn't really matter. The thing is; when I saw other people saying things to me that they intended to hurt me, it really did hurt. This was the place where I had gone to escape the people who treated me like sh[inks], and now people were treating me like sh[inks] even here too.

When I got into flame wars like that, I didn't see my adversary as another awkward nerd at his computer; I saw the four boys who one had pinned me to the ground and slammed my head into the pavement, over and over, for being a "fag." And so all the anger and the sadness that I was holding in in real life got channeled into this forum. If people were nasty to me, I would be ten times as nasty back. I was my own virtuous self, fighting back against the bullies, and it didn't matter how hurtful what I said was or whether it was the truth or a lie, because I was finally getting back at the people who had tormented me my whole life. If I got into a flame war about something, I'd show the "bully" that they weren't able to make me back down by then staking out the most extreme view on the topic I could justify to myself - in the process going from milquetoast libertarian-lite to Lew Rockwell-type ranter in a matter of months. (At the time I thought this was just the natural evolution of my thought process, but now I realize it was purely in reaction to arguments I had with others).

Interactions with "bullies" - something I already had a little too much of IRL - wasn't exactly enough to fulfill my cravings for meaningful interaction. But when you talk about a mutual interest with someone, and they either agree with you or aren't inclined to flip out if you disagree, you might very well become friends. And so I made a good number of friends on the forum over that period as well, and knowing that there were people who liked me here and enjoyed having conversations with me was what kept me coming back. But here I hit a snag as well. I had an unfulfilled need to be liked, and I wanted desperately to fill that need. I felt that if there were "enough" people who liked me on the forum, then I would be happy. And the forum provided a perfect way to measure just that - Atlasia. The purest of popularity contests. The more people who voted for me, or voted how I told them to vote, the more liked I must be. And so I abused every friendship I made here as much as I possibly could to wring Atlasia votes out of them. I relentlessly nagged and emotionally manipulated (in my defense, mostly the former) because it came to mean more to me to see people's public "support" of me, than to privately maintain a friendship. I ended up alienating about half the friends I made here because of this, and irritated the others.

Lastly, having never had an intimate relationship in real life, and not knowing how I would (since I didn't know any openly-gay guys my age IRL), I was very naive on that front while I was posting here. As soon as I befriended a forumite who was also into guys - literally the first, second, or third sexually-compatible person I'd ever so much as had a conversation with - I instantly convinced myself that I was in love. I serially entered into three "long-distance relationships" with forumites on no basis more than that we were friendly and we both liked the d. Unfortunately, they were all in an even more emotionally-vulnerable state than I was, and I seriously hurt them by building up their hopes, declaring (what I genuinely thought) was my undying love for a few months, only to destroy the pedestal they put me on when I realized I wasn't in love at all and dumped them for the next fellow dick enthusiast I befriended on the forums. It's what was least in public view to the forum, and it was my least "intentional" bad behavior, but even so, if there's anything that I feel the absolute worst about how I acted with my old account, this is it, because I really, deeply hurt people by doing it.

Anyhow, 17 to 19-year-old me and 21-year-old me are two very different people. I went to college and found that people weren't so sh[inks]y anymore; that I could make friends, and real ones. I came to realize that a real friend is worth infinitely more than some popularity contest. And I found out that there actually is a pretty much limitless supply of dudes who might be into me, and I don't need to treat each one I meet like he's the last and best I'll ever meet. I kinda generally mellowed out. My political views are much less strident, and I'm basically back at the same place I was in early 2010, if not even a little left of it. I'm in a better place than I've been pretty much my whole life.

I'm sure the t-minus to the inevitable "petition to ban wormyguy's new account" thread is going to be pretty short, and you have every right to make that thread if you want. I really was incredibly awful at times. I'm sorry to everyone I was nasty or cruel or even annoying to - really and truly, whether you're prepared to accept my apology or not. Anyway, I'm back because I've still got my nerdy interest in watching the polls, and it's an election year after Labor Day. And seeing this thread; that there are people who do miss me - I kinda feel bad about leaving them in the lurch. And so try as I might to stay away, I find myself coming back.

[Bacon King]

[pendragon]

pic

lol, Adderall is a helluva drug and so is weed. Sorry.

[courts]

pic

lol, Adderall is a helluva drug and so is weed. Sorry.

weed? terrible. also as person #2 (shouldn't really be a big deal since that was pretty public) welcome back, no hard feelings

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

That was quite the post, wormy. Glad you are doing well.

[windjammer]

That was quite the post, wormy. Glad you are doing well.

[courts]

kitteh/drj. i haven't seen her around lately even off of here. kinda bummed there,she's awesome

wow, this post just got a lot more disturbing given what i just found out. at least it wasn't suicide or something. rip

[Lief 🗽]

kitteh/drj. i haven't seen her around lately even off of here. kinda bummed there,she's awesome

wow, this post just got a lot more disturbing given what i just found out. at least it wasn't suicide or something. rip

Kitteh passed away?

[courts]

kitteh/drj. i haven't seen her around lately even off of here. kinda bummed there,she's awesome

wow, this post just got a lot more disturbing given what i just found out. at least it wasn't suicide or something. rip

Kitteh passed away?

yes, from diabetes. not joking

[Adam Griffin]

kitteh/drj. i haven't seen her around lately even off of here. kinda bummed there,she's awesome

wow, this post just got a lot more disturbing given what i just found out. at least it wasn't suicide or something. rip

Kitteh passed away?

yes, from diabetes. not joking

[courts]

kitteh/drj. i haven't seen her around lately even off of here. kinda bummed there,she's awesome

wow, this post just got a lot more disturbing given what i just found out. at least it wasn't suicide or something. rip

Kitteh passed away?

yes, from diabetes. not joking

i miss her too... we seriously used to chat all the time. apparently she has an award in her name now

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Isn't this the first time that a former poster has been confirmed as having passed away?



Anyway, terrible news.

[Sopranos Republican]

This is just... so sad. When I was new around here, I used to chat with kitteh a lot on IRC late night. We always got along and had great conversations. RIP old friend. You really didn't deserve this...

[Marokai Backbeat]

That's really heartbreaking. Diabetes is no joke. I've seen my brother close to death because of it; knowing kitteh fell victim to it is awful. I'll miss her.

[Ban my account ffs!]

She faced a lot of adversity and still managed to be really cool.  I was really sad to hear it. 

[Enderman]

Well great. And it's right before Christmas too

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

RIP. I appreciated and enjoyed her presence while she was here. Far, far, far too young.

[H. Ross Peron]

RIP. This is shocking and saddening to hear.

[Miles]

I'm so sorry to hear about Kitteh. I think I've posted here a few times that my sister has Type I diabetes, so this really hits home for me. This is such a shame; she was a good poster, too.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Wait...what? This is so sad. Oh man. RIP

[Antonio the Sixth]

Oh no. When I first saw the thread's title I assumed this was the usual forum hyperbole.

This is horrible. May she rest in peace. My thoughts to her friends and relatives. I don't know what more to say.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Ghost White, you better not be jerking our chain here.

RIP and condolences to the family.

[Sol]

This is awful. No one deserves to die so young. RIP.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

RIP

I will keep her family in my thoughts and prayers!