Update XVII: I Ate The Strawberry (The REAL, AUTHENTIC Update)

[Joe Biden 2020]

Even if I get fired on Tuesday, I can almost immediately turn the page and turn over a new leaf with October 2014 beginning in just 52 hours.

[Bacon King]

The BK post was the best of all of them, but how do I start at the management position?  I refuse to make minimum wage on my way to success that may or may not happen.

Three things here:

1. This is Walmart's job posting for external hire Assistant Manager Trainees. That is how you start at the management position. (Note that you specify the geographical area you can work in during the application process itself- you can stick close with the OKC area, or you can made a list of metro areas you wouldn't mind moving to and just see where they take you (they pay your travel expenses and I believe you get a stipend to help you relocate)


2. Jeff I'm here to help you and if you decide to apply hourly I wouldn't let you linger in minimum wage like that! I know how the system works- the hourly associate pay system is so easy to game if you know what you're doing. You should only apply to positions that are at level 5 or higher on the pay scale (I will tell you which ones those are) because for those jobs the computer system will increase your initial wage offer based on your education history and work experience. The extent that your past work experience boosts your pay depends on the category you put them under when providing your work history on the application (these categories will be vague and for every job there will be like five that sound applicable so I will tell you which of those gives you the best pay).

Realistically with my help I would expect you to be offered something like $10 an hour to start off in a semi-specialized position with easy and specific job requirements (such as running the photo lab, or the paint counter in hardware, or even doing the paperwork in the invoice office). Due to the industry's high turnover and some unfortunate institutionalized bigotry, you will rapidly promote up the ladder just by virtue of being a competent and uncontroversial straight white male.


3. If you decide against going the direct-to-management route and start off as an hourly employee (which might be the best option if you find yourself unable to sufficiently embellish your employment history enough to meet the experience requirements of the position) then you will typically only be given part-time hours at first. Assuming that store management does not routinely override the automated scheduling system (which would be very rare), your first month's schedule will probably be something like 5 hour shifts, 4 days a week. This would be good for you because it still gives you plenty of time for you relax and enjoy life.

You can still pursue a new CADD job too! Walmart is so gung-ho about "at-will employment" that two-week notices aren't required so you can quit whenever a better job becomes available for you. Having an easy job like this while you apply for new CADD stuff will definitely help you there, too; professional companies often shy away from hiring someone who is unemployed because of preconceived notions they have about a jobless person's (lack of) work ethic.



Sorry for rambling Jeff but long story short I gave you a link to apply for an easy job that will reward you with literally unlimited food and fat stacks of cash. Then in case you don't want to jump straight in, I revealed insider tips to give you more money and make your life easier while also setting you up for a promotion into the previously-mentioned job whenever you are ready. I concluded by noting how easy the transition would be for you while pointing out that you can use Walmart to believably claim you are hardworking and dependable in CADD interviews.

Hope this helps Jeffo

[memphis]

I suspect Bacon King had a bad experience with WalMart and is now trying to get back at them by sending Bushie their way. Well played, sir!

[Tetro Kornbluth]

Bushie, have you considered a psychiatrist maybe?

[Joe Biden 2020]

BK, I will definitely keep that in mind.   Let me look for CADD jobs outright for a little while, maybe through middle October and then if I have no good prospect, I'll go your route.  If I haven't been hired anywhere by October 15, then I'll apply at Walmart.   Thanks for the offer, I may be using it!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Here's a possible "job" that'd work well for Bushie. Medical companies often do studies and pay pretty well for them, you can make over $1000 for something that just requires a 72-96 hour on-site stay and after that about 4-5 once a week or every two week checkups. I see them advertised all the time in alternative publications. The only reason I haven't signed up for one is they don't work well with someone who's employed full time and no doubt mostly rely on unemployed people who have infinite free time, but as this is Bushie....plus with all his medical problems he'd be a goldmine.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Bushie, have you considered a psychiatrist maybe?

No, don't need one.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Here's a possible "job" that'd work well for Bushie. Medical companies often do studies and pay pretty well for them, you can make over $1000 for something that just requires a 72-96 hour on-site stay and after that about 4-5 once a week or every two week checkups. I see them advertised all the time in alternative publications. The only reason I haven't signed up for one is they don't work well with someone who's employed full time and no doubt mostly rely on unemployed people who have infinite free time, but as this is Bushie....plus with all his medical problems he'd be a goldmine.

A job as a lab rat? No, thank you!!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Here's an example: http://www.prismresearchinc.com/about-us/studies/#/?study=study1415

It requires basically to be locked in on site for over a week, but after that just 9 1-2 hour visits, and it pays almost $3000!

But of course Bushie wouldn't meet the BMI requirements. Didn't consider that. Of course I'm sure there's plenty of studies requiring obese subjects.

[Indy Texas]

Here's an example: http://www.prismresearchinc.com/about-us/studies/#/?study=study1415

It requires basically to be locked in on site for over a week, but after that just 9 1-2 hour visits, and it pays almost $3000!

But of course Bushie wouldn't meet the BMI requirements. Didn't consider that. Of course I'm sure there's plenty of studies requiring obese subjects.

You want to pump Jeff full of untested pharmaceuticals?! Are you trying to kill him?!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Here's an example: http://www.prismresearchinc.com/about-us/studies/#/?study=study1415

It requires basically to be locked in on site for over a week, but after that just 9 1-2 hour visits, and it pays almost $3000!

But of course Bushie wouldn't meet the BMI requirements. Didn't consider that. Of course I'm sure there's plenty of studies requiring obese subjects.

You want to pump Jeff full of untested pharmaceuticals?! Are you trying to kill him?!

Don't worry, I'm not taking a job as a lab rat!

[Bacon King]

BK, I will definitely keep that in mind.   Let me look for CADD jobs outright for a little while, maybe through middle October and then if I have no good prospect, I'll go your route.  If I haven't been hired anywhere by October 15, then I'll apply at Walmart.   Thanks for the offer, I may be using it!

Unfortunately that's not really possible. Walmart is at the tail end of their big annual hiring frenzy in preparation for the holiday season. Stores are encouraged to overhire right now while there's still time for people to be properly trained in time for Black Friday. To facilitate this practice, they have a nationwide month-long hiring freeze that usually starts in the first week of October. If you're genuinely interested in this easy and lucrative gig, it's basically now or never

And again to reiterate, as an assistant manager you will get paid more while doing less work than a CADD job. If you go hourly you will have an easy job with nice hours that won't get in the way of finding a CADD gig. It's is perfect for you either way and c'mon, I have all this knowledge about how the company functions that I'll never use again, it's no fun if I can't even use my secret wisdom to help you become Jeff Brown, Store Manager Extraordinaire

[Lief 🗽]

Bushie please listen to Bacon King.

[Eraserhead]

These last few pages have been... interesting.

Bushie is really something.

[Bacon King]

I suspect Bacon King had a bad experience with WalMart and is now trying to get back at them by sending Bushie their way. Well played, sir!

I honestly enjoyed that job and I liked my store even if I hated the company. I'm very thankful for getting out when I did because if I had gotten another promotion I know I would've just given in and made a career out of it, and that's something I am very glad I didn't do

I hope to send Bushie their way because I do honestly think it'd be a good fit for him, plus it would literally be the best plot arc ever

Bushie please listen to Bacon King.

FF

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

BK is giving great advice, but sadly, we know Bushie will ignore it..

[Indy Texas]

If BK is willing to put his own reputation on the line by offering Jeff up as a referral, I'd say Jeff would be crazy not to jump on this ASAP.

[Lief 🗽]

If Bushie does the part-time Wal-Mart thing, he still has 20 hours a week (+ his free time) to look for a CAD(D) job and, most importantly, study his CAD(D).

Or he could do the fulltime manager thing and finally settle down into a career for himself. Maybe he'll run his own Wal-Mart one day.

Bushie PLEASE listen to Bacon King.

[Joe Biden 2020]

BK, you've convinced me.  If you can help me through the hiring process, I'm willing to give it a try.  Let me finish this football game that's almost to the 4th quarter and I'll apply for the job and do whatever I need to do.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

If Bushie does the part-time Wal-Mart thing, he still has 20 hours a week (+ his free time) to look for a CAD(D) job and, most importantly, study his CAD(D).

Or he could do the fulltime manager thing and finally settle down into a career for himself. Maybe he'll run his own Wal-Mart one day.

Bushie PLEASE listen to Bacon King.

Bushie feels it to be below him to work at the Wal-Mart, but not below him to buy literally everything there.

That brings me to another point; did you know that Southerners do their grocery shopping at Wal-Mart?  I always love to hear about the superficial differences between regions, so the Navy gave me ample opportunity to do some research about life in Alabama, Mississippi, etc.  I told them about Wegman's, Shop-Rite, etc. and all the great options we have for grocery shopping.  Asking them about where they get their food, they told me Wal-Mart!  I said, no, not snacks... I mean like, produce, meats, milk, eggs, cold cuts, pasta, all the big ticket items. Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.  It's shocking. I guess having literally EVERYTHING in one place is convenient... but all of it at Wal-Mart quality?  And is there even a point to have a downtown anymore?  Every town seems to be centered aroud that ugly warehouse.  Pity...

[memphis]

BK, I will definitely keep that in mind.   Let me look for CADD jobs outright for a little while, maybe through middle October and then if I have no good prospect, I'll go your route.  If I haven't been hired anywhere by October 15, then I'll apply at Walmart.   Thanks for the offer, I may be using it!

Unfortunately that's not really possible. Walmart is at the tail end of their big annual hiring frenzy in preparation for the holiday season. Stores are encouraged to overhire right now while there's still time for people to be properly trained in time for Black Friday. To facilitate this practice, they have a nationwide month-long hiring freeze that usually starts in the first week of October. If you're genuinely interested in this easy and lucrative gig, it's basically now or never

And again to reiterate, as an assistant manager you will get paid more while doing less work than a CADD job. If you go hourly you will have an easy job with nice hours that won't get in the way of finding a CADD gig. It's is perfect for you either way and c'mon, I have all this knowledge about how the company functions that I'll never use again, it's no fun if I can't even use my secret wisdom to help you become Jeff Brown, Store Manager Extraordinaire

Bushie usually breaks under the classic sales pitch of urgency. You are a genius!

[Bacon King]

BK, you've convinced me.  If you can help me through the hiring process, I'm willing to give it a try.  Let me finish this football game that's almost to the 4th quarter and I'll apply for the job and do whatever I need to do.

Awesome, just let me know what you need; we can communicate through PM if you'd prefer

[memphis]

If Bushie does the part-time Wal-Mart thing, he still has 20 hours a week (+ his free time) to look for a CAD(D) job and, most importantly, study his CAD(D).

Or he could do the fulltime manager thing and finally settle down into a career for himself. Maybe he'll run his own Wal-Mart one day.

Bushie PLEASE listen to Bacon King.

Bushie feels it to be below him to work at the Wal-Mart, but not below him to buy literally everything there.

That brings me to another point; did you know that Southerners do their grocery shopping at Wal-Mart?  I always love to hear about the superficial differences between regions, so the Navy gave me ample opportunity to do some research about life in Alabama, Mississippi, etc.  I told them about Wegman's, Shop-Rite, etc. and all the great options we have for grocery shopping.  Asking them about where they get their food, they told me Wal-Mart!  I said, no, not snacks... I mean like, produce, meats, milk, eggs, cold cuts, pasta, all the big ticket items. Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.  It's shocking. I guess having literally EVERYTHING in one place is convenient... but all of it at Wal-Mart quality?  And is there even a point to have a downtown anymore?  Every town seems to be centered aroud that ugly warehouse.  Pity...

FWIW, I do most of my grocery shopping at Aldi. I like that their stores are small and their prices are awesome. If I want something fancy for a special occasion, I like The Fresh Market a lot. There are a grand total of zero WalMart stores here, inside the 240 loop, so I haven't been to one in years. Totally not worth the drive, gas, or trouble.

[Joe Biden 2020]

BK, you've convinced me.  If you can help me through the hiring process, I'm willing to give it a try.  Let me finish this football game that's almost to the 4th quarter and I'll apply for the job and do whatever I need to do.

Sounds good, I'll PM you after the game.  If you could PM me the link and the exact job title so I can put that in my application, I'll see it after the game.

Awesome, just let me know what you need; we can communicate through PM if you'd prefer

[Lief 🗽]

Yes, even back in my hometown of Austin, where Whole Foods was literally invented, it seems that more and more Wal-Marts are springing up, one now just a five minute drive from my house (just a ten minute drive from downtown!), wiping out entire shopping centers, and people seem to do the majority of their shopping there. My girlfriend lives in Chester County, Pennsylvania and they do their groceries at the Wal-Mart five minutes away. More and more, Wal-Marts seem to be the social and economic heart of American communities (unless you're in very densely populated urban centers of course). It wouldn't surprise me if politicians started holding campaign rallies in Wal-Mart parking lots.