Update XVII: I Ate The Strawberry (The REAL, AUTHENTIC Update)

[J-Mann]

Grumps, I have a better chair that covers my entire derrière.  So far it's a lot more comfortable.

This?

[J-Mann]

King was on the right track last season, encouraging Jeff to take on a small, manageable challenge. Granted, that went wrong somewhere, but the intent was great and initially well-received. I think by bombarding Jeff with a mountain of criticism, he'll just close himself off to any suggestion. He's not immaleable ... it's just tough to process too much suggestion or criticism at once.

Sorry I haven't been able to find time to work up a simple shopping list and menu for you yet, Jeff. But you can do some of that on your own ... don't wait or stall anymore. Get some turkey bacon, egg whites and some fresh fruits and vegetables (steam the veggies in a skillet with some water, and eat the fruits as snacks). Get some wheat bread and make BLTs for lunch.

The longer you stall, the more you rationalize not changing ANYTHING. You don't have to make wholesale change, but come on, man ... something. Rationalize = rational lies.

I've always maintained that your abuse of your body and snail's pace at making even the simplest changes is about as irreligious as you can get.

[J-Mann]

Bacon and eggs, and pancakes are generally separate menu items. But that's okay, friend! Enjoy your moderate supper )))

Maybe I'm totally insane, but this sounds like a reasonable breakfast to me. Maybe not if you're 280 pounds, 5'8" tall and have the mobility of an 80-year-old. But for most people, it's reasonable.

Ya'll should stop giving advice on what to eat. It's a lost cause.

[J-Mann]

Jeff, keep working hard where you're at. You had a rough performance review but have had a number of good days since then, as well. That's what performance reviews are for -- to tell you where you need improvement and to help you get better.

If Jeff was truly as dispensable as everyone is claiming and his boss was really that over him, they'd let him go now. It's a really small company. Even without factoring in a burden rate, equipment costs, management time or potential turnover costs, Jeff will be a $12,960.00 investment for this company over the next 27 business days. Why would they throw that away if he's as useless and doomed as you all assume?

Plus, it doesn't seem like this place has it's sh[inks]t together at all. When they moved offices, no one had ensured the phone system would be transferred at the same time, meaning Jeff's boss needed to hang back at the old office to answer phones. I wouldn't be surprised if his offer of a week off for a funeral was due to either a) a small, familial atmosphere, or b) a relief in his boss's own management duties -- and I don't mean that because Jeff is a bother, I mean because this guy probably can't manage his way out of a paper bag, and any employee causes him stress.

I can't predict the future, but their continued investment in Jeff would be foolish if he's truly doomed. Don't be blind to the atmosphere around you, Jeff, but don't get distracted from continuing to grow and learn, too. They seem to want to continue investing in you for the time being.

[J-Mann]

I agree with J-Mann, too.  I'm not going to give up yet again when there's no sign of danger, yet.

Well, I also wouldn't say that there's no sign of danger.  It sounds like there *are* signs of danger.  But I would use that as incentive to prove your value to the company now, while you have the chance, rather than an incentive to quit.

I agree with that. There are signs, which is reason not to be happy-go-lucky and carefree. That being said, you've had some great days and evidently are showing signs of improvement.

I think you're probably looking at things realistically, Jeff, which is -- you had a rough performance review and are working to correct the issues that were discussed. Keep that up. You just have to expect that when you say something like "there's no sign of danger" here, a half-dozen Forumites (including me) will take issue with the accuracy of such a statement

[J-Mann]

You know all of the story that I know.

Do you feel like you're kinda out of the loop yourself on this one?

Not really.  My boss and I have developed a good rapport with each other.  We communicate quite well.  Of course, he could still be planning to send me packing and I don't know it, but he hasn't given any hints of that, yet.  I still have roughly 5 weeks left in my 90 days, so I should be getting a clearer idea as October progresses.

Plus, as others have said, if he had made up his mind to get rid of me, why would he welcome me back to work and try to work with me.  He doesn't owe me anything, and it seems like a counter-productive move to keep me around if he had made up his mind to can me.

You're right -- I feel compelled to point out again that, as long as you're actually getting back to work, they would be paying you over $12,000 pre-tax over the next 26 business days. If they were set on terminating you, they'd just go ahead and do it ... it's not like you signed a contract to guarantee you employment for the 90-day period. Your employment is at-will.

[J-Mann]

Also, please get to a store ASAP and buy some food when you get back to Tulsa. You've put this off so many times. You can start with small steps, but at least start.

This was what we had tonight -- turkey burgers with tomato, onion and mushrooms in the meat and topped with spinach (it's like lettuce on your burger, trust me ... not like the canned stuff) and tomatoes on wheat buns. We also had grilled asparagus wrapped in turkey bacon.



Give these sorts of things a try, Jeff. Don't keep putting it off.

[J-Mann]

bushie, it is unfortunate but cadd might not be for you.

It's better than customer service.  I'm not going to give up on CAD.  I know I can do it, and I was starting to get it, I just need a more patient boss.

Anyway, I have PM'd some of the Update readers the name of my family member's company for their investigation.  I look forward to reading their findings.

Before I spend another minute helping you out, I want you to get this out of your head immediately. If this isn't working out, there may not be any particular person to blame, but your "boss's patience" is the least of your worries. I think you know you weren't a stellar student, didn't practice over the summer and entered a CADD job as a true greenhorn. Companies aren't looking to teach you from the ground up -- that's what your school was for. The position or the company may not be right for you, but don't you dare even hint at blaming someone else. Own your experiences and take some personal responsibility.

As others have encouraged you to do, show up on Tuesday and have whatever "talk" he wants to have. Don't make this another "Jeff quits and feigns indignity before he can get fired" scenario.

Have you communicated back with him to ask why the break on Monday, or why he wants to talk with you? That CAN be done in a diplomatic way if you step up and own your own situations. Ask him:

 - "Is there a particular reason you don't need me on Monday?"

 - "Can you give me an idea of what we'll be talking about on Tuesday? If something needs improvement or needs addressed, let's do it sooner. I'm available."

I get the feeling you got a text, responded weakly or not at all, and now are forced to dream up what the scenario is. And maybe we're all 99 % sure ... but find out from the source.

And before I look into this other company ... Jeff, have you ever considered that regular work just isn't for you? I was encouraged by this company because the role and responsibilities seemed to be much more in line with where your skillset MIGHT be. And now we have major clues that it's ending. Again, don't blame anyone but yourself. And maybe you're not to blame either. You just seem to be clueless as to how to interact and succeed in the world in which the rest of us live.

Others have suggested disability, which could be easily attributable to your Tourette's or your chronic headaches or your dibilitating obesity or ... name it, you've got it. Or maybe something as simple as order processing, an accounting-type job where all you do is move "Paper A" into "Box B" ... "gotta make the doughnuts" type-of stuff.

I'm not giving up on you, but sometimes I feel like the dad who tells his horribly ugly daughter that she can be a model. I thought CADD was the right direction for you to be coached, and I'll be very disappointed if this doesn't work out due to issues you could have and should have owned.

[J-Mann]

Ten years ago, I couldn't stand Opebo. Politically, I grew closer to him over time, but in terms of personal responsibility, I think we're still light years apart. I considered him a Forum buddy, though, by the time I ended regularly posting here.

[J-Mann]

Ten years ago, I couldn't stand Opebo. Politically, I grew closer to him over time, but in terms of personal responsibility, I think we're still light years apart. I considered him a Forum buddy, though, by the time I ended regularly posting here.

I wasn't talking about the personal relationship.  I was talking about how much he would scoff at your insistence that Bushie put blame on himself/take responsibility.  I think the ensuing war of words would be fantastic Update material. 

That it would. Yes, his ideas on personal responsibility repulse me ... I miss him.

[J-Mann]

Why are we getting so caught up with the actual job performance?  Is it possible that Bushie has a number of odd ideosyncracies and habits that perhaps make him a pain in the ass to work with?  Perhaps others became annoyed with his insistance on listening to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9 to 11...

I jest, but Bushie has a ton of -isms.  Jeff, is it possible you did anything to annoy your boss? 

I've wondered this myself. Jeff, what do you do during the day as a result of your Tourette's?

[J-Mann]

I don't see the radio thing as weird. If I'm knuckling down to something, I shut my office door and put on a podcast or something on YouTube - always helps me. There is something about the American workplace that just seems awful.

On topic ... Let's make these points clear

a) if you were as good a drafter as you believed - you would not be getting fired
b) you're an awful judge of your own abilities
c) just because you want a career in something, doesn't meant you're either going to have one, or have one on your timetable
d) it's clear your CADD skill-set isn't READY yet - stop, get a low-demand job - practice CADD every night (yes, EVERY NIGHT) then in 3-6 months time. Start looking again.

You're never going to have a career if you keep jumping from CADD job to job without building your skill set to a workable level. The other issue, considering your inability to judge your own abilities, did you over-sell yourself in the interview.

It could be that the negative perf review was because you weren't doing things he's assumed you should be able to, even with basic CADD training.

The job-hopping will be a career-killer, Jeff. It's one thing to have cycled through a dozen call centers. It's a new ball game for employers if they see two months here, six months there, and another four over here ... all in a field you consider your career. Employers reviewing resumes don't look at a two-month stint as "just practicing."

Maybe you should consider something absolutely mindless for the time being ... punch in, punch out. And while you're doing that and earning some money, prove it to yourself how much you want a CADD job. Practice at home like you said you might but never did. Spend your so-called free time bettering yourself in preparation for that career you want, rather than toad-out and watch literally dozens of hours of TV per week.

And if you can't bring yourself to practice your craft outside of an 8:00-to-5:00 workday, then maybe you don't really want it as a career after all, eh?

[J-Mann]

I'm still going to follow through with my current plan of applying for CAD jobs.  My career is not over, nor is it on hold.  My career is in the here and now, front and center.  I do not doubt my abilities at all and my confidence is not shaken.

Are you willing to cut down on the endless hours of television and wasted time and invest in your career then? That's the real question ... will you try to better yourself beyond the bare minimum and going through the motions on the clock? So far, you haven't shown me you're willing to do that ... and you're not letting me down, by not investing in yourself. You're failing YOU.

Are you willing to do that? Will you?

[J-Mann]

J-Mann, yes, I am willing to do whatever it takes to succeed.  I don't think I have to completely give up all TV or computer time or church time, but I will mix it in.

Polnut, I'm not placing any blame on my boss.  I've learned my lesson, but I've also learned what I need to do better in the future.  Pay attention to detail is at the top of the list.

No one is saying to give it up altogether. What so many have pointed out is that you proudly (and really, the pride you take in your own sloth is sickening) announce how many hours you'll be watching television each night when you could and should be spending at least SOME time honing your supposed craft. You ignored that advice, you continued to trumpet your couch-potato status, and now you hint at your boss's patience as the prime reason behind this most-recent turn of events.

I feel like I'm typing to a brick wall, but you are the master of your own destiny. You chart your own course. Now you say you're willing to do what it takes, but you've said that before and didn't do it. You didn't self-learn. You didn't practice. What makes this time any different?

[J-Mann]

Morden is absolutely right -- you need a system to help keep you honest with both the job search and the amount of time you spend practicing CADD. You can't put off the job hunt, but you're the master of sweeping other things under the rug ... grocery shopping, eating healthy, practicing CADD, etc.

For what it's worth, I spend a lot of time outside of work actually working on work projects, reading and sharpening my skills.

And Jeff -- I took a brief look at the company recommended by your family member. On the surface, I would recommend passing on it. You can submit a resume, maybe, and request to be considered for something entry level, but I didn't see any positions listed on the website that you are suited for skill-wise right now. And if a family member is trying to do you a favor, you could easily end up in a square peg / round hole situation, taking on far more than you're capable of right now.

Don't read that as a knock on your potential ... it's just that you know when a position exceeds your capabilities, and no amount of positive thinking magically gives you skills you didn't previously have.

[J-Mann]

I know I can't put off the job search which is why I've got now four places to apply online Sunday night when I get back to my resume and then two places to visit in Tulsa Monday morning and then a Goodwill job fair (no CAD) on Thursday, October 2.

On that company, I think I would be qualified for the Mechanical Draftsman job.  Plus he did say that if I don't see anything online to go ahead and apply as there are many jobs open that are not posted online.

Pay close attention to the job's character qualities and preferred experience:

Thoroughness
Creativity
Dependability
Initiative
SolidWorks CAD knowledge
Machine Drawing knowledge
Adobe Product Suite knowledge

Even though those final three are "preferred," that does not mean they're optional for the long-term success of the position. And they're not running a training shop ... you'd either need to walk in having a grasp on those items or learn them quickly on your own, and speaking to the fourth character trait they're looking for, I don't believe you have the initiative to learn on your own.

DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS JOB, JEFF? I want you to seriously answer that. Don't talk about the student loans - those are a sunk cost and there's nothing you can do but pay them regardless. Don't talk about your fantasies of a stable middle class life and a wife and kids. Don't talk about wanting to be independent of your parents. All of those things can be obtained through a lot of different avenues, some no doubt more promising than this one. If you're going to try to shoehorn yourself into a job that you do not seem to be succeeding in, you're just going to cycle through a couple more CADD positions, render yourself unemployable in that field and then return to your call center joke jobs. And there's no path to a real life through those. The only thing sadder than a 32 year old man who's dependent on his parents is going to be a 42 year old man who's dependent on his parents. At this rate, that's you in a decade.

Thank you, Indy, for a really well-written reply. I want to see your answer, too, Jeff -- devoid of any ridiculous pep-talking ("I can do it!") and dreams of being something you're not. Answer as to whether or not you want CADD as a career and are interested. We ask because you were literally handed an opportunity and YOU failed to capitalize on it ... you did the bare minimum to get by. We encouraged you to practice. We encouraged you to cut the sloth and spend some time improving yourself, and you didn't. You did the minimum. Period. And it didn't work for you.

People who want careers give their all, not the minimum.

Remember the Sean Connery quote from "The Rock:" Your best!? Losers are always whining about their best. Winners go home and f*** the prom queen.

I don't want to hear that you gave your best. Because you didn't.

[J-Mann]

I readily admit there are things I need to work on.  They're not hard concepts, but they are very important.  I'm not going to be so dumb as to say I'm a perfect drafter, but I'm a decent drafter with things to work on.  I'm still going to apply for the jobs once I get home tonight and then visit said places tomorrow.

Are you also smart enough to own up to how utterly lazy you've been when it comes to practicing your skills and actually working on the areas of improvement offered by your boss? Are you honest enough to say to yourself, "Damn, I watched a lot of utterly meaningless television, took ridiculously-long naps and put sh[inks]t in my body, then spent time boasting about said activities online when I could have and should have been spending some of that time reading about and practicing my CADD skills."

This won't be your "career" if your only commitment to improve happens between 8:00 am and 5:00 pm during two-month stints from job to job.

[J-Mann]

http://terrymante.blogspot.com/2013/07/3-signs-of-mental-laziness.html

[J-Mann]

Jeff, Bacon King is really doling out some great advice and options, here. Don't let your pride get in the way of a really good suggestion and a willing referrer.

[J-Mann]

Did your boss tell you what you did wrong, what you needed improvement on and so forth?

I suspect that had been done ad nauseam.

[J-Mann]

Again, I come out of this the winner and not the loser.

How so?

He may have taken away my job, but he did not take away my determination.  I will reiterate, I am a good drafter.  I'm sorry he didn't see that, but it is his loss.

Sin of pride, Jeff. Sin of pride. Maybe you'll understand that language.

People are encouraging you to learn from the experience, be humble and commit to yourself to improve. You're trying to say your boss lost something ... no, he didn't. You had job duties at which you failed (and yesterday, you admitted in a firmer way than you ever had before as to "boneheaded" mistakes that kept occurring), and you had a boss that determined he could no longer afford those mistakes and the time it was costing him to invest in you.

You're not a good drafter. Not yet. If you were, you wouldn't have failed. You have the POTENTIAL to be a good drafter, but only if you put in the time and effort to do it.

Can you admit that this effort is no one's responsibility but your own? That's the real first step in having a good attitude about this turn of events.

[J-Mann]

You don't win if you get fired after 2 months on the job. You are not a good drafter either. You can be if you put your mind to it, admit you were lazy and need to improve, and do what it takes to improve yourself, but you won't get anywhere if you continue to act as if you were blameless and continue with your prideful attitude.

Bushie is one of the most prideful persons I have come across.

Perhaps I am prideful, but I believe in myself and I believe in what I can do.  I didn't win by losing my job, but I didn't lose, either.

Again, the focus is no longer on the firing, rather I am focused on doing what I can to improve on my skills and finding a job that matches those skills.

What are you doing to improve on your skills? Watching more football? Be honest.

You need the kind of job that you don't need to take home with you.

Well, for today, I can tell you that I will be job searching the rest of the afternoon and then I will watch the AL Wild Card game, then spend an hour or so looking at my AutoCAD program.

The thing is I don't know exactly where to start when I "study" my AutoCAD program.  I don't have already created drawings on there, so I can't detail them the way my former employer would like, so I'll be honest, I'm at a loss of where to start.  I can look at it for a couple hours or all day, but I'm not sure how much progress I would actually make.

"Don't know where to start ..." -- rubbish. Google it. Lynda.com has some really excellent tutorials that range from absolute basics to expert-level stuff. Other sites do too.

[J-Mann]

I agree with Duke. By doing a few basic things (in many areas of his life, from employment to nutrition to relationships), Jeff could be more successful. But Duke nailed it -- there's a relentless and completely undeserved prideful attitude that Jeff displays that results in physical laziness and intellectual indifference.

He knew what he was doing wrong on the job. He went home and watched hours upon hours of football anyway.

He knows he's horribly obese and that some basic steps, such as eating at home and buying slightly healthier options could save him time and money. He puts off making any substantive change and will someday wonder why he's dying of a heart attack.

He's aware that rushing relationships always leads to heartbreak, yet he's been engaged or set-to-be-engaged to ... what? ... four women? All within a time frame of weeks.

He sees what's wrong in his life and not only knows what steps, however small, could be taken to affect change; he also possesses the abilities to make that change happen. Yet he turns things over to an invisible deity and tells himself that there's nothing he can do.

That intellectual indifference leads Jeff to seek the path of absolute least resistance. It's easier to clock in and clock out and never improve your skill set, even if it means constant employment turnover. It's easier to stay on mommy and daddy's dole rather than get a job that might not have the same titular luster and polish that he believes he deserves. It's easier to continue eating the worst foods imaginable, and it's easier to fall fast and hard for any old hunk of adipose tissue rather than spend time searching for and then getting to know the right person.

And it's easier to talk about a dream rather than to make that dream a reality.

As for why I continue to put time and effort into sometimes encouraging, sometimes coaching and sometimes scolding?

Because I believe Jeff has the tools available to him to truly live a better life; his main hurdle is himself and this relentless mental block that tells him to only speak about change and never live it; to subsist off of intentions and not actions; to pridefully boast for years about what he will be but has never become.

Jeff's mind is a prison, and I'm trying to break him out of it by realizing that he actually has to do rather than say.

[J-Mann]

When I say it will be ending soon, I don't mean anytime in the immediate future.  I believe we are somewhere between 7 and 10 years away.  That's my best guess.  However, the Bible clearly says no one knows the day nor the hour that the Son of man will return, but based on current events especially in Europe and the Middle East, I think we can get an idea.

Since we don't officially know when it's going to end, it is still vital to live life as normal and go out and be a witness to the unbelievers.  Note, in Christianity that is gently, lovingly talking and praying with them.  Parts of Islam is much more forceful and violent to unbelievers.

I think you're spot-on. Judging by events in Europe and the Middle East, I expect the world will end sometime in 1789, or 1805, or 1917, or 1943, or 1967, or 1973, or 1989, or 2003, or ...

[J-Mann]

I'm not going to debate my views on the end time.  I was just answering a question.  Anyway, I am just relaxing tonight trying to make sure I'm feeling better to go down to my parents tomorrow afternoon for the weekend and several family dinners.  I'll be back to Tulsa Sunday.  I'll have my laptop and I'll put the resume on the cloud so I can still job search during the days Thursday and Friday.  If by some chance I have an interview one of the two days, I'll come back up here in the morning and go back after the interview.  Then, I have a weekend vacation to see my uncle in Kansas City next weekend.  We'll leave Friday and come back Sunday.

I live in Kansas City. How about meeting for breakfasts, lunch or dinner (just one, not all three)?