Update XVII: I Ate The Strawberry (The REAL, AUTHENTIC Update)

[Mr. Morden]

Did you cook the roast beef and baked potato yourself?  Have you used your oven or stove yet?

[Mr. Morden]

then I'll watch two episodes of Big Brother (Sunday and Tuesday).  No games on tonight.

Yes, same here!

You guys are practically the same person now.  Phil should be Bushie's understudy, in case the latter ever gets sick, and needs a last minute replacement for an Update performance.

[Mr. Morden]

I haven't been to the store since late last night, so I didn't have anything

Since late last night?  So you ate everything you got from the store in less than 24 hours?

[Mr. Morden]

I'm still confused about how not having been to the store "since late last night" meant that you had nothing to eat for lunch.  What did you buy at the store?

[Mr. Morden]

but im guessing it is something like his grandmother's second cousin's husband's godson came down with appendicitis.

Given the interbreeding in Oklahoma, the grandmother's second cousin's husband's godson could be Bushie himself!

[Mr. Morden]

Could be an unplanned pregnancy.

[Mr. Morden]

Could be an unplanned pregnancy.

I'm not sure Oklahoma has planned pregnancies. 

OK, let me rephrase.  Could be a pregnancy of an unmarried.

[Mr. Morden]

Could be an unplanned pregnancy.

I'm not sure Oklahoma has planned pregnancies. 

OK, let me rephrase.  Could be a pregnancy of an unmarried.

In Oklahoma it only becomes wrong if the mother is still unmarried when the baby comes out (hence the need for shotgun weddings)

Hence the need for secrecy now, while they negotiate such things.

[Mr. Morden]

When will Bushie break the news? Did he give us a timetable or is he just going to hold it over our heads for a while longer?

It's the big mystery for this season, meaning that we'll get some clues in subsequent episodes, but the big reveal won't come until the season finale (presumably a few weeks from now).

[Mr. Morden]

Can you take the color blue out of the sky?  Can you grab the mountains and put them in a pocket?  Can you sit down at a table with a knife and fork and try to eat a rainbow?  Can you catch a falling star without burning your hand?  Can you say to an earthquake..'hey hold still for a second'?  No!  Such is Mango.

[Mr. Morden]

Thursday through Monday

How many hours of football have you watched in the past week?

EDIT: Also, out of curiosity, do you ever attend any games in person?

[Mr. Morden]

"Release mechanism", "Cleaning up the meat", "Loving on kids", etc.  Why do so many Update-isms sound like sexual innuendo?

[Mr. Morden]

I just googled "loving on kids" and the fourth search result was this thread:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=196041.0

[Mr. Morden]

But yes Jeff, "loving on kids" sounds horrifyingly creepy to anyone outside of your bubble.

Fortunately, this forum is the only venue in which he ever has to converse with someone outside his bubble.

[Mr. Morden]

Of course, there are many people in the world whose faith is as strong as Bushie's, yet who are poor, unemployed, starving, tortured, whatever.  Christian faith isn't a guarantee that your bills will be paid or that you won't go hungry.

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie quitting this job at this point because he thinks he might get fired seems like an echo of him breaking up with Allison over a joke because he was afraid that she was going to dump him.

If he's happy there, it seems kind of silly to jump ship at this point.  Who knows whether the next job will be any better.  How many jobs that only lasted a few weeks do you want him to have on his resume?

[Mr. Morden]

Yeah, I'm largely with J-Mann.  Jumping ship seems premature.  Even if you're on shaky ground, I wouldn't give up and assume that I'm out, when there's still a chance of a turnaround.

[Mr. Morden]

I agree with J-Mann, too.  I'm not going to give up yet again when there's no sign of danger, yet.

Well, I also wouldn't say that there's no sign of danger.  It sounds like there *are* signs of danger.  But I would use that as incentive to prove your value to the company now, while you have the chance, rather than an incentive to quit.

[Mr. Morden]

If I take a call center job, no matter the nature, it's a matter of time before we sing this same song again.  My old man told me this evening not to ever go back to customer service!!

While I think he's right in this case, this looks like yet another case in which you're letting your dad live your life for you.  He had you move back to OK, when you were more or less happy staying in Utah, he tells you what jobs you should and shouldn't take.  Wasn't he the one who actually encouraged you to take the CADD class in the first place, or am I misremembering?

[Mr. Morden]

The closest I can find is that Tulsa Public Schools are looking for Bus Drivers, but I'm pretty sure his Tourette's would prevent him from getting the necessary license to drive a bus.

A job that involves driving would work as long as it never ever snows.

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie….assuming you *do* get fired, then you should definitely treat your next stint at unemployment differently from your last.  Behave as if you still have a full time job, but your new job is looking for a new job and studying CAD.  You should be doing that, 9-5 every day at the very least.  If it helps, you can post here every day "I spent this many hours job hunting today, this many hours studying CAD, this many hours watching TV, etc." to keep you honest.

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, serious question

Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist?

I repeat my question.

Are you a chronically bored or an ironist?

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, why don't you try to get a pizza delivery job? It's the easiest $12/hour ever. Plus you get to eat garbage for free. And you can still watch all the tv you want on your own time. No boring personal development required. It's perfect.

This is a serious suggestion. Will you consider pizza delivery?

If I get desperate.

You will, you always are. Cooking isn't that hard, bruh. I already cooked a boca meatloaf filled with fresh veggies for our dinner, with a side of green beans with almond slices. All me, all in an hour.

Reading comprehension….

[Mr. Morden]

You don't have to get up and you'll get tons of girls.

So *that's* how you get girls?  Why didn't you ever tell us that when you were The Professor?  All you ever talked about was what *won't* help us get girls.

[Mr. Morden]

Anyway, it's interesting that Update could significantly change the course of Bushie's life. Has this happened before?

Well, Update stopped him from taking a scam job that could have landed him in jail.