Update XVII: I Ate The Strawberry (The REAL, AUTHENTIC Update)

[Joe Republic]

[Joe Republic]

I hope you doused the whole plate in barrels of syrup!!

[Joe Republic]

Normally when things like this happen to you, you give us a bit more to go on so that we can send prayers/well-wishes in the right direction.  I can't imagine that the mondale threat would extend as far as this.

[Joe Republic]

What?  That's not what I'm saying.  In the past you have specified which family member was undergoing what particular crisis, so that we could keep them in our thoughts.  I figured you were being intentionally vague this time because you were concerned that mondale would troll your family somehow.

[Joe Republic]

The Family Crisis That Must Not Be Named

[Joe Republic]

Time to quit these delusions of grandeur and just accept your lot in life.  Become an overnight security guard at a storage unit complex.

[Joe Republic]

Surprised that less people have clocked this and subsequent related posts:

I am excellent with dates.  I can remember exact dates from my childhood and even before I was born.  I can even name what day of the week the event happened.  I have a virtual calendar in my head so without looking at a real calendar, I know what day a particular date fell on or will fall on.

I'm no expert, but that's a really classic (to the point of cliché, even) sign of a certain something.

Ten minutes to Wapner.  Uh oh.  Ten minutes to Wapner.

[Joe Republic]

Good advice for workers:  be first to work, last to leave, no music, head down, don't watch clock, show up every day, don't suck.

You catch on fast, newbie.  The Update is an excellent ongoing education on How To Not Live Your Life.

[Joe Republic]

^ Go easy on him.  You make it seem like he should be an expert with computers or something

[Joe Republic]

The fortunate thing about WalMart is they have those motorized machines that help push the line of shopping carts, so that Bushie won't have to.  All he needs to do is steer the carts while the machine pushes them for him.

[Joe Republic]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_1y_avH20Q&list=PLLE0YYaxTcEKxDJZ6nd3dLRh6u55MbnXo

[Joe Republic]

I panicked for a second when I saw that Bushie would be designing 'tanks'.  But then I guess there's still a market for the type of tank that Bushie would design.

[Joe Republic]

Dragging your dad into driving you on a 200 mile round trip (in which he'll obviously be paying for the gas) to pick up some bills (that he is also going to be paying) and your arthritis and gout remedies (that a Native American tribe pays for)?  I'd be mortified to be you, but as you said yourself, you're not even remotely ashamed!

[Joe Republic]

Sounds like you may have the bronchitis.

It's certainly possible.  I need to get it cleared up fast.  I have a vacation in 5 days!

Vacation from what? 

taking 2 naps a day and watching 12 straight hours of tv can be exhausting.

I could never do that. I just don't think I have what it takes to do that kind of hard stress work.

It's not as bad as it sounds, since he takes breaks to post on Atlas.

Seems like it pays pretty comfortably too, since he can afford a car, rented apartment, phone, computer, tablet computer, frequent meals out, and occasional motel stays when on necessary business trips.

[Joe Republic]

Applying for free healthcare from an Indian tribe he shares 3% heritage with: "It's my right as an Indian citizen to take advantage of the benefits they have made available to me."

Applying for disability allowance to compensate the laundry list of physiological and psychological disorders he suffers from: "I'M NOT DISABLED I HAVE TOO MUCH DIGNITY AND YOURE ALL LIARS"

[Joe Republic]

CONFIRMED: Oklahoma City is populated solely by people scamming one another.

[Joe Republic]

I suspect self-deportation cleared Oklahoma of the gays many years ago.

Hmmm possible.  Whether or not that's true, you just know the mobs are going to ransack and burn the one Urban Outfitters they have in the state anyway...

You give Oklahoma too much credit even for that...

[Joe Republic]

[Joe Republic]

Can you post a picture of Nancy?  We want to see him!

[Joe Republic]

......

[Joe Republic]

Is Albuquerque the model train capital of the central United States or something?

[Joe Republic]

He can always just explain to the pizza customers that due to the inclement weather, he'll need to make a pit stop at a motel for the night first.  They'll get their pizzas in due course.

[Joe Republic]

J-Mann... totally off-topic, but how are you planning to vote next month? 

[Joe Republic]

The Onion gives us a flashback to Oklahoma, circa 30 years ago...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-more-americans-saving-money-for-childs-unem,37191/

[Joe Republic]

Change of plans.  We're going to have more Mexican tonight.  We can have Chili's any night in Oklahoma.  Even better, we're going to WALK over there!

Bullsh[Inks].  Pics or it didn't happen.