Update XVII: I Ate The Strawberry (The REAL, AUTHENTIC Update)

[Flake]

Before I get back to work, I must announce that as of midnight tonight there are only 100 days til Christmas!

lol

[Flake]

[Flake]

$7000 over ten years? Why that long? How much are the interest payments?

[Flake]

King, I know for a fact that there are changes I need to make.  I am confident in my abilities, but I still need to improve to be a valuable team member.  I also acknowledge that I will not find an easier opportunity.  Things definitely have to change and I need to work CAD into my day.

Morden, I know I need to treat the job search as my full time job.  For the most part I do.  I usually search for a job from 8:30-17:00 and then keep my phone on until 20:00 for after hours calls.

You must practice more on your skills and read up on your CAD books and practice with the program, hell, do it during commercial breaks of  football games if you really can't cut that out of your life. If you want to continue in this field then you must be willing to improve.

[Flake]

Hey Jeff, have you ever considered a career at Walmart? I genuinely think it'd be a great opportunity for you. You may recall that until recently I was a Customer Service Manager there, and I can honestly say without hyperbole that you would have been far more capable and much easier to work with than at least two-thirds of my former colleagues among that management team.

Assistant Manager is the lowest salaried position with pay starting at ~$40,000 per year (i.e., after taxes, you would get around $1200 every two weeks). You also get full benefits and an annual bonus tied to store performance that is generally in the ballpark of $5,000 to $15,000. There are eight assistant managers per store, and it takes time to fill vacancies, so at any given time it's actually fairly likely for a store to have an opening in the position. You can get hired in directly as Assistant, although some store managers prefer to promote them internally (if you're hired in any hourly position, you can apply for an Assistant Manager spot after IIRC 12 months).

It's a job that would compensate you well and plays towards your strengths (and wouldn't really have as much of a way for your weaknesses to interfere). It'd be very easy for you to ensure job security and become a favorite candidate for promotion; just follow these steps:

1. Take to heart the stuff they teach you about Sam Walton's vision and philosophy in your orientation, because quoting from them is an insta-win trump card when dealing with your superiors
2. If you're doing your job right you'll be doing very little actual work- when you are told to do something by your own boss, you're supposed to "delegate" and tell your minimum wage underlings that they have to do it.
3. You have no reason to be scared of difficult customers because you are literally told to give them everything they want so they go away and stop bothering you
4. Walmart Corporate grades stores and allocates bonuses using specific performance metrics, and the store manager has to focus on those numbers above all else. If you ignore all other concerns, problems, and complaints so that you can look at the store's statistics page and find the red numbers, then do something to make the red number become green numbers, and brag about how you fixed what was obviously a serious/pressing issue, you will be looked upon as a walmart wizard and management genius.

Also, you will probably like this part, before you officially become an Assistant Manager you are grouped with other new Assistant Managers and you all stay at a hotel for four weeks so you can learn how to manager by taking an easy class in the conference room. For this 28 day period all of your meals are payed for in full by Walmart and you can eat literally anywhere you want. I've heard stories from four different manager class things, and in every single one a competition developed to see who can spend the most of Walmart's money on their extravagant restaurant purchases

But for real, I think this is the kind of job you'd like to have, I think you'd be successful doing it, and the fact that you have a college degree means you'd automatically be on the top of the pile of job applicants. Also free food!

Let me know what you think; if this is something you'd be interested in I'm totally willing to help you on this 

Bushie, this seems like a great opportunity! Why don't you go apply to some walmarts?

http://jobs.walmart.com/

[Flake]

Bushie, why don't you try to get a pizza delivery job? It's the easiest $12/hour ever. Plus you get to eat garbage for free. And you can still watch all the tv you want on your own time. No boring personal development required. It's perfect.

This is a serious suggestion. Will you consider pizza delivery?

If I get desperate.

You will, you always are. Cooking isn't that hard, bruh. I already cooked a boca meatloaf filled with fresh veggies for our dinner, with a side of green beans with almond slices. All me, all in an hour.

That sounds really good.

BushOklahoma, have you thought about being a D.J.? All you have to do is click a button on a computer, drape some headphones around your neck and repeatedly bob your head up and down. You don't have to get up and you'll get tons of girls.

Only problem with that, is the repeated head-bobbing would create a migraine above all migraines and then I'd have to call into work...

lol

Bushie I could never see you as a DJ

[Flake]

Maybe we're going in the wrong direction here. None of these job ideas seem to be working, minimum wage grunt work is beneath Bushie and going on disability probably is too.

That leaves an option that many men in his situation have pursued: find a reasonably industrious woman who is stably employed and also suffers from low self-esteem; convince her she needs you and you're the best thing that ever happened to her even though you're a broke, overweight, unemployed schmuck, and let her go out and bring home the bacon while you sit around the house all day doing whatever the hell you want. Dump some of your seed in her, make her have a kid by you and you two will officially be irreversibly entangled.

Poor black and white men with few skills or ambitions all across the country have gotten the steady income and roof over their head that they need by becoming Common-Law Husbands/Baby Daddies to women who deserve better but lack the self-respect to actually dump those losers and find someone else.

Jeff would do well to find a woman who is a nurse's aide or has some other comparable stable, working class job, who came from a broken home and has daddy issues. They tend to set their standards lower than they should and the fact that Jeff has no priors and doesn't use weed/meth/etc already puts him at the top of the heap. She'll pay the rent, cook and clean while you sit around all day. 'Tis the white trash way of doing things.

This is perhaps the most awful post I have read on the forum. It makes sense, yes, but it is a truly terrible proposition. To ever sentence a woman to such a fate would be utterly tragic.

I'm pretty sure it was a joke

[Flake]

Yes, even back in my hometown of Austin, where Whole Foods was literally invented, it seems that more and more Wal-Marts are springing up, one now just a five minute drive from my house (just a ten minute drive from downtown!), wiping out entire shopping centers, and people seem to do the majority of their shopping there. My girlfriend lives in Chester County, Pennsylvania and they do their groceries at the Wal-Mart five minutes away. More and more, Wal-Marts seem to be the social and economic heart of American communities (unless you're in very densely populated urban centers of course). It wouldn't surprise me if politicians started holding campaign rallies in Wal-Mart parking lots.

Chester has fallen?!  We have a few Wal-Marts up and down Rt. 130 and towards the city in Camden and Burlington counties over on the NJ side, but it's hardly the "town center" and are more there for toys and cheap sports equipment.  I suppose it's not long until NJ is completely infested by that disease, too.  Ugh... might have to high-tail it to Hoboken sooner than I thought.  Progressive urban centers in the NJ/NY area are obviously intelligent enough to understand the destruction and despair that would befall them by dropping ol' Sam's big box store into the neighborhood. 

Yeah, one big difference I've seen with New Jersey and Florida is that in Florida you're never more than a fifteen minute drive from a Walmart.

[Flake]

walmart literally carries everything

...

[Flake]

Why not become a Minister and perform marriages marketed to Lesbian/Gay couples?

[Flake]

Don't television stations and radio stations alert people when there is very severe weather in Oklahoma? And people using the internet also have access to weather.com so you don't have to constantly update people on it, just say "hey there's going to be some harsh weather from this city to this city, god bless" or something like that.