Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Independence Movement

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

My fellow citizens, it is clear that the very structures of Atlasian society - our democratic traditions, our cross-regional unity, our commitment to fun - are collapsing around us. While Sen. Deus and I may not agree on everything, we both agree that the Northeast is a damn fine region and anyone who says otherwise should be shot. That is why the Northeastern Liberation Army has seized control from the current regional government, as well as from the federal government, of most of Western New York as of 7:00 PM today. Deus and I believe in a Northeast free from either government oppression of business or from corporate oppression of the working class. We haven't yet decided.

More on this story tomorrow, probably.

[President Tyrion]

I intend to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I intend to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.

I intend to resist your tyranny (Tyrionny?) to the fullest extent of my abilities.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

My fellow citizens, I come to you again today with a most urgent and liberatory message. As of now, the Northeast People's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Liberation Army is marching due south, or at least in a vaguely southerly direction. We shall continue to march thusly until the great city of Pittsburgh and the great state of Pennsylvania have been liberated. I encourage all my fellow citizens to rise up and rebel against the tyranny of oppressive governments and enter a new age of justice and freedom.

Fax mentis est incedium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Presidency, Rochester, New York(Provisional Northeastern Capital)

Seeing that the cowards currently calling themselves the "regional government" have fled to a small town in Delaware, I am hereby declaring the Free Northeastern Republic to be an independent nation, consisting of the former Atlasian states of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Delaware and declaring myself the President thereof. Deus Naturae is also permitted to assume the title of President if he so chooses - after all, he is the Father of the Revolution and the Hero of the Eastern Front. A full-on declaration of independence might follow, or it might not. I've still got homework to do. For now, the Western People's Liberation Army or whatever it's called will focus on taking Pittsburgh and New York and the Eastern PLAOWIC will do whatever it does. Boston, maybe?

Fax mentis est incedium gloriae.

[Lincoln Republican]

General Winfield arrives to take command of the Rhode Island Federalist forces





General Winfield and the Rhode Island Federalist forces shall defend Rhode Island from the secessionist usurpers to every extent possible.

We shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills,
we shall never surrender!  (WC)

We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us a time of struggle. You ask, What is our policy? I will say; "It is to wage war with all our might and with all the strength we have, to wage war against a secessionist tyranny. That is our policy." You ask, what is our aim? I can answer with one word: Victory - victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival."
(WC, paraphrased)

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I regret to inform you, Gen. Winfield, sir, but my armies are not in New England. We are busy continuing fortifications along the Central New York line and extending our control of Pennsylvania. Deus is in charge of New England.

Also I find it mighty ironic that you are appropriating the image of noted secessionist rebel George Washington and his ilk.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[Lincoln Republican]

Oh, don't be such a killjoy.

[Lincoln Republican]

"President" Jones, I have a question.

How long do you expect this secessionist activity to last?

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I'm not being a killjoy, I'm simply saying that Rhode Island is not under my jurisdiction as of yet. You can come up to Central NY/PA if you'd like and we can duke it out.

In other news, I am officially announcing the creation of the Northeastern Catholic Church and establishment thereof as the state religion of the Northeast. We have no creed other than utter devotion to the Pope in all religious matters. I am the Pope.

Papal decree 1: don't be mean

Papal decree 2: that is the sum total of the doctrine of the Church

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Naming Process

Seeing as "the Northeast" defines this great land in relation to another nation, it is hereby resolved by His Holiness Pope Alfred, President of the Nation Formerly Known as the Northeast Region, that this region is to cast off the chains of Atlasian oppression completely and totally. Therefore, we shall unshackle ourselves from being simply "the place northeast of Atlasia", a name given to us by our oppressors, but instead we shall return to the true name of this land, the land of the first peoples to build their longhouses here. From this day forth the Free Northeastern Republic is now known as the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, or Ganonsyoni for short.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[Lincoln Republican]

That's still not answering my question.

Anyway, starting with banning freedom of religion is not the way to establish a new nation.

You need some better political advisors.

By the way, how long do you expect get banned from forum activity for?

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Terribly sorry about not answering your questions, Gen. Winfield, I know it must be so tiring fighting for the losing side. The revolution will last until the proud people of Ganonsyoni are liberated from the shackles of Atlasian oppression.

And I'm not banning freedom of religion. I'm simply saying that the government of Ganonsyoni simply recognizes Northeastern Catholicism as the official state religion. There is total religious freedom here, except for Scientologists because Scientology is not a religion. You can even be a Mormon.

If I am to be a martyr, I will be a martyr for justice. I will do so for however long it takes.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[Lincoln Republican]

Thank you President, er, Pope, er, Martyr, er, whatever.

I don't know if anyone ever told you, or if you even realize, but establishing a state religion is inequitable by its' very nature, and in matter of fact does establish all other religions in that jurisdiction as inferior.

Not the way to go about founding a new nation, especially when you are the one always demanding justice from your oppressors.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Well, obviously the NCC is the one true church, but you are free to believe whatever you want. It's like Unitarianism, but run entirely by me. Also, you may call me Mr. President. Are you a citizen of New York or Pennsylvania, though? Because while I am technically the President of the entire nation, only those states are partially under my control.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Bunker, Deep Beneath The Earth In An Undisclosed Location in the Greater Rochester Area

The counterrevolutionary forces have pushed back against our great movement, fellow Ganonsyonians and/or church faithful. Nick Tahou's has been burned to the ground in a flagrant display of hatred for both our great country and our great city. In other news, seeing as the entire doctrine of the Northeastern Catholic Church has been set in stone by myself, I am resigning as Pope and handing the title to Kalwejt. All shall worship and glorify Kalwejt. Or not. Do whatever you want, it doesn't matter. Henceforth, I shall merely be the President of our great and most definitely free republic. Shipment of food and military aid is encouraged, as we are running low on food and I don't want to eat the remaining lasagna because it's a month old and our only weapon is a handgun with three rounds left. Go to Messinger Hall on Gibbs Street and tell Margaret the password.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

My fellow Ganonsyonians, I am pleased to announce that our best diplomats have been sent to Quebec for the purpose of enlisting the aid of their military or whatever it is they have and I am eagerly awaiting a reply. Together we shall crush the tyrant scum.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I thank President Alfred for his trust and humbly accept. In my first act as your Pontiff, I declare his brave actions to crush the tyrant scum as Holy and just, and whoever joins the efforts, will be rewarded in afterlife. And those not joining the Holy Plight does so at pain to being eternal dicks.

Pope Kalwejt I of Northeast

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

His Holiness the Pope is already shaping up to be a worthy successor. I wish Pope Kalwejt great success in all matters physical, mental, and spiritual.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

The doctrine of the Northeastern Catholic Church has been set in stone by the Pope Alfred.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

As the new Pontiff, I hereby proclaim this Encyclical to specify two particular points:

You must be logged in to read this quote.

Go in Peace.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I congratulate Pope Kalwejt on his fine interpretation of the Holy Scriptures. He is a good student of the teachings of our great church. In Presidential news, I am declaring my support for the revolutionaries in Old New Spain. The people of Ganonsyoni stand with King King and with his people. With the momentum of the Rochesterian people on our side, we have managed to repulse the counterrevolutionary forces from their attempted conquest of our capital and have regained control over most of the Greater Rochester area.



Ganonsyoni-controlled territory
Territory where fighting is quite fierce

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

It is announced that one Chandler No Relation Woodcock of Maine has been martyred at the hands of the oppressors while fighting, along fellow patriots, for the Ganonsyonian cause. Those savages subjected him to five hours of loud Justin Bieber music. Brother Woodcock, however, refused to betray his Church and his Republic, so his head exploded. But his immortal soul lives on.

It is therefore proclaim Brother Woodcock is canonized as Saint Woodcock, Patron of Good Music. And his pagan murderers shall suffer an eternal eclesial punishment of never getting laid again.

Go in Peace.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Update on Cosmetics and Suchlike

It is my decree, as President of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, that in casting off the chains of Atlasian oppression, we must cast off the symbols of our forefathers and begin anew as Ganonsyonians, together. The first order of business is the motto: none of this torch bullsh**t anymore. Henceforth and forthwith the official motto of our great nation shall be The People Forever, which is quite a nice motto. The second order of business is the flag: it shall be a rectangle the sides of which are to be in the golden ratio, or approximately 1:1.618. The flag shall be a horizontal tricolor with a stripe of purple on top, a stripe of red on the bottom, and a stripe of white in the middle (all stripes of equal width). This is to represent the people of this land both past and present, the blood we have shed and will continue to shed (if so necessary) for our freedom, and the noble spirit of our citizenry, respectively. That is all. May Ganonsyoni forever be free.

The People Forever.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Limbo in Reality

So with the ascension of Mr. Cranberry to the Presidency (a regretful turn of events for such a nice gentleman), we are left without a source of knowledge on the progress of the Revolution. In the meantime (until a GM is appointed), the military forces of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, having already secured most of Western New York, will march on Pittsburgh again, attempting to establish a foothold in Pennsylvania once and for all.

[Dr. Cynic]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Limbo in Reality

So with the ascension of Mr. Cranberry to the Presidency (a regretful turn of events for such a nice gentleman), we are left without a source of knowledge on the progress of the Revolution. In the meantime (until a GM is appointed), the military forces of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, having already secured most of Western New York, will march on Pittsburgh again, attempting to establish a foothold in Pennsylvania once and for all.

Over my dead body. I will be calling the Mayor and will be asking Governor Talleyrand to dispatch National Guard units to my home city to protect the good people there from this violent nonsense.