Update XVIII: 15 Miles From Lunch

[memphis]

I think I'll read through that website once I have a few more bourbons. Can I register on their forum without any restrictions?

I recommend starting here.

A reference to Millington. Rural northern Shelby County. Not too surprising a place for this guy to visit.

[Joe Biden 2020]

BushOklahoma, do you eat the chili at Golden Corral? A man found a rat head in his chili at Golden Corral in Florida. What are your thoughts?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/florida-man-claims-golden-corral-chili-rat-head-article-1.1981988

I do not eat the chili there, so I can't really comment.

[they don't love you like i love you]

The weirdest thing about that endtime site is all the stuff they have claiming global warming is a hoax. But why would people obsessed with believing the world is about to end think global warming isn't real? If anything they should cite that as more evidence. It's kind of weird to be saying "Yeah look at all these vague signs...the end is coming! Oh except global warming, that's a complete hoax and has nothing to do with the end of the world."

And unlike evolution, it's not like global warming even contradicts a truly literal reading of the Bible either. There's no reason for fundies to doubt or dispute it, unless they want to basically disbelieve all science on principle or something...which also isn't exactly Biblical either.

[Joe Biden 2020]

The weirdest thing about that endtime site is all the stuff they have claiming global warming is a hoax. But why would people obsessed with believing the world is about to end think global warming isn't real? If anything they should cite that as more evidence. It's kind of weird to be saying "Yeah look at all these vague signs...the end is coming! Oh except global warming, that's a complete hoax and has nothing to do with the end of the world."

And unlike evolution, it's not like global warming even contradicts a truly literal reading of the Bible either. There's no reason for fundies to doubt or dispute it, unless they want to basically disbelieve all science on principle or something...which also isn't exactly Biblical either.

Yeah, I don't exactly get why they focus so much on global warming.

[memphis]

The weirdest thing about that endtime site is all the stuff they have claiming global warming is a hoax. But why would people obsessed with believing the world is about to end think global warming isn't real? If anything they should cite that as more evidence. It's kind of weird to be saying "Yeah look at all these vague signs...the end is coming! Oh except global warming, that's a complete hoax and has nothing to do with the end of the world."

And unlike evolution, it's not like global warming even contradicts a truly literal reading of the Bible either. There's no reason for fundies to doubt or dispute it, unless they want to basically disbelieve all science on principle or something...which also isn't exactly Biblical either.

The organizations behind Christian fundamentalism are completely bought and paid for by conservative big money types. Religion is little more than a complex fraud handed down from the rich and powerful to the poor and gullible. Same as it ever was.

[Panda Express]

I don't know exactly, but I believe it will occur at the Battle of Armageddon when the world's army has pushed the Israeli army to the brink of elimination.  Jesus, who is Israel's Savior, will come down at the last moment riding in on a white horse and every Christian around the world will ascend into the air toward Jesus and the White Horse, receive their transformed bodies, and fight with Jesus and defeat the world's army and rescue Israel.  The Christians will then go into heaven without having tasted death, and the world will be ushered into the 1,000 year reign of Jesus when Satan is bound and put in prison for 1,000 years and all the world governments will be overthrown and the entire world will be ruled by Jesus and His church, the ones He raptured.  During that 1,000 years there will be not one war and there really will be peace on earth, good will toward men.  At the end of the 1,000 years, Satan will be loosed to wreak havoc for a season and then be permanently cast into the lake of fire.

I realize it seems like a fairy tale and I may be wrong on some aspects of this, but this is how I envision it to take place.  I'm not going to be silly and claim I'm right and everybody else is wrong, because the only one to know exactly how it will happen is God Himself.

[memphis]

But really, Bushie is ever so smart, just lazy and manipulative

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

Bushie... read this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-carey/revelation-2012_b_1168906.html

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How about listening to this actual trained theologian?

[memphis]

Bushie... read this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-carey/revelation-2012_b_1168906.html

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How about listening to this actual trained theologian?

This is true for all the Old Testament prophets as well. Not that anybody bothers to notice.

[King]

God has spoken to Bushie and told him to be a premillenial Raptureist and a few hours of playing around with the Bible while watching football has confirmed these views.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Our Dear Friend is quite sore over tonight's goings-on at the Dallas football stadium. 

[© tweed]

The weirdest thing about that endtime site is all the stuff they have claiming global warming is a hoax. But why would people obsessed with believing the world is about to end think global warming isn't real? If anything they should cite that as more evidence. It's kind of weird to be saying "Yeah look at all these vague signs...the end is coming! Oh except global warming, that's a complete hoax and has nothing to do with the end of the world."

And unlike evolution, it's not like global warming even contradicts a truly literal reading of the Bible either. There's no reason for fundies to doubt or dispute it, unless they want to basically disbelieve all science on principle or something...which also isn't exactly Biblical either.

The organizations behind Christian fundamentalism are completely bought and paid for by conservative big money types. Religion is little more than a complex fraud handed down from the rich and powerful to the poor and gullible. Same as it ever was.

the End Times ministry doesn't get any "conservative big money", it's very much on the edge of the mainstream of the itself-not-quite-mainstream paranoid cultural-evangelical protestant "movement".

the reason for their belief that the global warming is a hoax is likely related to New World Order conspiracy theories; that a world government, which will eventually be led by a charismatic antiChrist, is inventing the global warming crisis in order to gain control over everybody's daily life under the guise of limiting carbon emissions (think of it as the "mark of the beast", though that's usually reserved for the forthcoming UN-issued mandatory ID cards).

[Lief 🗽]

Wouldn't they want the world government to take power ASAP so can Jesus can come back?

[© tweed]

You guys also forget that the Bible is literally the only book he has ever chosen to read.  Nothing else even on a related subject; e.g. theological research.  It's no wonder his specific beliefs are so bizarre.  He's virtually illiterate.

this is far from a unique phenomenon: estimates put the number of functional illiterates (people who technically have the ability to read, but never use it) at over 100 million.  Chris Hedges wrote a book about it, titled Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle.

[© tweed]

Wouldn't they want the world government to take power ASAP so can Jesus can come back?

it depends.  if you're a Post-millennialist, you believe that Christ will return (and the Rapture will occur) only after the Great Tribulation, so even the saved will endure plenty of pain.  and even if you're a pretribulationist, your good heart could fear for the billions that will be Left Behind, so the clock's ticking to save as many souls as you can.

[© tweed]

...and we've quite a cameo on our hands, brothers and sisters.

[Ban my account ffs!]

And yet others believe, in line with jmfcst, that the first half of the tribulation will be benign and go by mostly unnoticed by all until an enormous globally spanning natural catastrophe occurs and God literally rescues some people while he leaves others who are saved to witness the whole tribulation.

As for the thousand years... Remember free will.  Jesus' reign for 1000 years on earth won't be perfection, even if he is perfect.  Some people will still turn against God and Satan will be loosed one final time for the final battle before Satan is done away with for good.  Apparently at this point sin will finally die away.

[Brittain33]

...and we've quite a cameo on our hands, brothers and sisters.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I wouldn't call Bushie crazy for this as it's a common cultural line of thinking in the South. It's premillenialism. Jmfcst is a postmillennialist, a more practical yet nihilistic approach.

As far as I can tell, the determining factor in whether an Evangelical is post or pre is whether or not they are a powerful wealthy male with a hot wife. Jmfcst is fairly well off so he doesn't mind have to die in a bloody 1000 year Armageddon as atonement for his splendor.

A postmillennialist?!  Oh, King.  May you live forever.  But, have you not read?

I do not subscribe to the “Left Behind” scenario when the Rapture occurs at any moment and is followed by a 7 year “Tribulation” where the AntiChrist reigns and is rejected by some who then convert to Christianity and are killed.  That is called the “Pre-Trib” rapture.  Those who believe in the “Left Behind” series are pre-tribbers.

(note:  I consider pre-tribbers my brothers in Christ, this disagreement is NOT a matter of salvation)

Instead, my belief is called “Pre-Wrath Rapture”… so I am not “pre-trib” “mid-trib” or “post-trib”, rather I am known as “pre-wrath”…In the “pre-wrath” scenario, the “Tribulation” doesn’t start until mid-way into the final 7 years and the “Tribulation” ends prior to the end of the 7 years.  The church is not raptured until sometime during the second half of the 7 year, immediately following the “Tribulation”.  Christians having the Holy Spirit will reject the AntiChrist and many will be put to death.  The rest of the world will be deceived by the AntiChrist.  But before all Christians are killed, the Rapture occurs and the Wrath of God begins to fall on the earth.  There is no one saved after the Rapture.  Anyone “left behind” has no hope.

…I know…it is a sad picture.

Welcome home jfmsct.  

[King]

Jmfcst's tale at least makes narrative sense.

Snowguy, free will or not, all people on Earth who "turn to Satan" do so because of doubt whether or not the Christian God exists. If freaking Jesus returns and is there in the flesh to rule for 1000 years, you'd have to be a complete idiot to not convert to hardline Christianity at that point because the ambiguity of man's place in the universe is gone.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Things sure are going off the deep end this season. I didn't think people actually read sites like that, much less take them seriously. Then again, I guess that's how these groups make so much money.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Mind you, I only read them, and I certainly don't give them any money.  So, at least I'm not throwing away money.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Did your work documents arrive yet?

[Joe Biden 2020]

Did your work documents arrive yet?

The account manager is out of the office today.  I should get them around lunch time tomorrow.  My results came back good, though.  My recruiter had to take her daughter to the doctor today and she's still not in the office, yet, but her coworker does expect her in.  I hate a wasted day like this...

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Did your work documents arrive yet?

The account manager is out of the office today.  I should get them around lunch time tomorrow.  My results came back good, though.  My recruiter had to take her daughter to the doctor today and she's still not in the office, yet, but her coworker does expect her in.  I hate a wasted day like this...

This makes me nervous.