The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context

When my parents were born, the same woman was head of state as when I was born.

[IceSpear]

yeesh she should take off the bio-degradable tinfoil-substitute hat

[Landslide Lyndon]

My god, don't you people get what this means? Trump can unite bigots of every creed and color: the Nation of Islam, the KKK, the Neo-Nazis and Black Panthers, Neo-Confederates and Black Separatists, Holocaust Deniers and the Westboro Baptist Church! A new coalition for the Republicans of every color, creed, and type of hatred!

Tagline: They already knew how to hate, but Trump taught them how to love.

What a winning coalition.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

imspired by the resounding sucess of his American counterapart, the host of the Apprentice Lord Alan Sugar rejoins Labour, ousting Corbyn with his famous catchphrase "you're fired" (well someone else's famous catchphrase, anyway) and promises to bring Labour the greatness he brought to the British electronics industry.

Not to be outdone, the Tories turn to another celebrity peer, the Ray Kroc of musical theatre himself Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber who has some reality TV show experience of himself. He cities foreign policy experience (Evita), deep respect for religion (Jesus Christ Superstar, Joseph) and transport policy (Starlight Express)

Frontbenches of the Conservatives:

Simon Cowell - Talent Sec
Charles Saatchi - Public Relations and Women's Issues
Gary Barlow - Minister of Tax Havens
Julian Fellowes (Downton Abbey) - Work and Pensions, renamed as "Upstairs and Downstairs Sec"

Labour:

JK Rowling - Education
Stephen HAwking - Intergalactic Issues
Patrick Stewart - as above
Stephen Fry - Minister of Trivia

Laughed out loud (for real) at the bolded part.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

I used to like all of them when I was younger. Then, about five years ago, my autistic brother learned how to use a computer and became addicted to nostalgia. Watched every movie on the list every day, one movie at a time, over and over and over again. I can't stand any of them now.

Worst part is, he won't sit down on a couch and watch them on TV. He has to watch them solely on a computer. If he'd watch them on the TV, I'd gladly sit down and watch them with him. But when he watches them on the computer, he becomes engrossed in what he is watching and starts screaming and kicking when you even enter the room.

[Murica!]

I used to like all of them when I was younger. Then, about five years ago, my autistic brother learned how to use a computer and became addicted to nostalgia. Watched every movie on the list every day, one movie at a time, over and over and over again. I can't stand any of them now.

Worst part is, he won't sit down on a couch and watch them on TV. He has to watch them solely on a computer. If he'd watch them on the TV, I'd gladly sit down and watch them with him. But when he watches them on the computer, he becomes engrossed in what he is watching and starts screaming and kicking when you even enter the room.

How the fyck is that funny? Jesus fycking Christ, do you have any compasaiom for other humans?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Oldiesfreak, nobody appreciate your "contributions" to this thread. You really should've get the memo a long time ago.

[Simfan34]

Sanders supporters need to tread with care - it was behavior like this that hurt Sanders in Virginia and probably cost him CD delegates. Check out this exit poll:

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

WTH are transgender movements?

It's a novelty dance song popular in the west, based on a clarinet sample from Beethoven's until now lost fourth movement (Transexualia) of the Fifth Symphony. Pretty stirring stuff.

It's the latest dance craze and it's sweeping the nation
Stick your hands in the air  for an emasculation.
Use all the money you've saved for rent
An endocrine splurge for the transgender movement


Has a great Eurobeat sound.

[Goldwater]

Probably not his intention, but I found this post amusing.

I am still sure that gays does not exist.

Then you are an idiot.

Prove that gays exist.
See, you can't. They are only effect of fairy tales created to scare naughty children.

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

Actually LOL'ed at this one

i pronounce it *snorrrrrrreee*

[Joe Republic]

I'll admit I had my doubts going into tonight, but Marco Rubio really outperformed all expectations and shocked by finishing in the top four in Mississippi and Michigan, and it looks like he may even finish in the top three in Idaho.  Coming off of his weak showing on Saturday this really indicates the maturity and never-say-die attitude of his campaign.  The man worked hard and thoroughly earned his moment in the sun tonight, and hopefully this victorious Tuesday will give him the momentum to spring forward into the primaries next week.

I would also call on Cruz, Kasich, and Trump to drop out.  You three did well tonight but history and momentum are clearly not on your side.  America will elect its first president whose father was a bartender and whose mother was a maid.  I can already hear the adoring squeals of teenage girls in the crowd at the convention, and the distant echos of the stadium miles down the moonlit Cuyahoga River as the fans cheer into the balmy Cleveland sky, RU-BI-O!  RU-BI-O!  RU-BI-O!

I know I've been hard on the guy in the past for having such a tiny penis, but you have to hand it to him, he really knows how to pull of a victory when the chips are down.  Congratulations Rubio.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

If he keeps on this momentum, he might even finish third in Florida! That would be a clear sign that he's on track to win the nomination.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

The irony of all of this is that Kasich is the one whose strategy of losing primaries might actually pay off!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Yep, everuone is sure to miss those times when Tender nailed girls

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context:

[MT Treasurer]

Uh, none of these are swing states. PA, MI, and OH are SAFE TRUMP no matter what, CO will also be SAFE TRUMP unless Bernie gets the nomination, then it will be SAFE BERNIE. NH is safe D no matter what, even DC would vote Republican first. NC is safe R no matter what, it would be LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE for it to flip even though it just did 8 years ago. WI is safe D because of Scott Walker. VA is safe D because MUH NOVA!!!! and Terry McAuliffe will always steal it for the sketchy bitch if things look bad. IA is white and therefore safe R. FL and NV along with AZ are safe D because muh Hispanics. My election map:

The true swing states:

Vermont - Bernie PUMAs
New York - Trump is loved there!
Utah - Mormons
Arkansas - Bill Clinton's saxophone

[Joe Republic]

I am disgusted by Chicago right now.

I cannot believe they only put mustard on their hot dogs, no ketchup.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

It wouldn't surprise me at this point, and Atlas would probably still blame the victim

Imagine a "Will Hillary/Sanders/Cruz/Rubio/Kasich be shot at this week?" thread. The forum would simply crash.

In which state is Trump more likely to get shot? Virginia or Florida?
In which city is Hillary more likely to get shot? Denver or Boulder?

[Mike Thick]

Context: Posted in the "Opinion of OC" thread

If the GOP nominate Trump not only they will lose the 272 blue wall, McGinty will be elected for sure, but Strickland will be elected too

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Truly the gift that keeps on giving!

Thommy Thompson was talked about Vosem. They said Strickland was a Thommy Thompson. I was rejecting that statement. I dont use blue wall anyone.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I already felt a minor loss when OC deleted the "MADAM CLINTON" picture from his profile. Now all of it's gone.

Madam Chelsea is better, as Chelsea will be doing more for her mom on the domestic side, as Clinton loves to work with Taiwan, S Korea and Singapore and Israel to tie our economy together.

[Mike Thick]

Forget OC, this should be "The Kataak Bureau of Funny Post Archival." Here's why.

Wulfric/Wulfric because I am non-married.

Holes do not magically open after marriage, my friend.

But non-marriage sex is sin you dummy.

But you are surely planning to have sex at least at one point in the future. Would you exchange that perspective for Wulfric?

I am not sure. Wulfric sounds more fun than "sex".

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Virginia's on the roll

I don't know whether to be frightened or crept with this.

Wulfric really has this effect on people. This man is prepared to sacrifice his future pleasures for a taste of the Wulf Master.

[This account no longer in use.]

Forget OC, this should be "The Kataak Bureau of Funny Post Archival."

A typical OC post (and a typical CrabCake post, for that matter) make me laugh much more often than a typical kataak post.