The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Antonio the Sixth]

I guess I'll be the asshole who asks it first: how will this affect the election?

Wouldn't be surprised if Ross and Cooper were sunk at this point.

MormDem, I knew Talleyrand.  I was here when Talleyrand posted regularly.  Talleyrand was a friend of mine.  MormDem, you are no Talleyrand.

[Mr. Smith]

I guess I'll be the asshole who asks it first: how will this affect the election?

Wouldn't be surprised if Ross and Cooper were sunk at this point.

MormDem, I knew Talleyrand.  I was here when Talleyrand posted regularly.  Talleyrand was a friend of mine.  MormDem, you are no Talleyrand.

Gotta admit, that was actually pretty funny.

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

Eh, Rubio was leading by a lot before this; he has quite the buffer of goodwill and popularity to blow through, and Patrick is a terrible, scandal-prone politician; I doubt he can take advantage of this.

PA and NH were already being lost, and of course Burr and Blunt are very endangered. It isn't all sunshine and roses.

I just hope Rubio wins, in part because I really like the guy, but mostly because of all the haters on this forum. I want them to have to deal with him for at least the next six years.

Even if he's elected we really won't have to deal with him all that much due to the amount of time and votes he skips out on.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Context

What would Jill Stein do after this? Flee to Moscow?

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

WTF? How is Trump leading in Los Angeles?

[Joe Republic]

Trump better call for a total shutdown of the McMullin campaign until he can find out what's going on!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context:

What would Jill Stein do after this? Flee to Moscow?

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

I won't believe it until BhuttoPoll confirms it.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I might be repeating what others have said (new to the forum), but I would like to chime in.  I am a born again Christian.  I believe in God the Father and that he sent his Son Jesus Christ to die for us and our sins (not to condemn us all to hell).  Do we as Christians, REALLY live like Christ? No, we ALL fall short of the glory of God.  We ALL have sinned and need to ask forgiveness everyday.  With that being said, let me compare Trump and Hilary a little.  Trump-Pro-life.  Hilary-supports Pro-choice (while I understand it is a woman's right to do what she wishes with her body, it is STILL wrong to kill an unborn HUMAN being.  Let the child LIVE and put it up for adoption).  Trump-Cusses and degrades women (Not Christlike at all but has apologized and been remorseful).  Hillary-a liar and full of deceit(even the FBI has been involved-email scandal-makes you wonder what else she is hiding that could destroy humanity).  This is to just name a few.    Neither of them seem to be the right choice, but if you check the platforms and vote for your choice, whether or not you like either candidate, make your decision on what YOU believe in and what YOUR stance is on issues.  From what I've done based on my beliefs, Trump is the better candidate.  Do I really want to vote for him, not exactly. But I WON'T vote for Hillary.  I would prefer to do a write in candidate, but it won't matter anyway and I couldn't "complain" about who gets into office because I really didn't voice my opinion and vote.  Ask God to direct your decision!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

LOL, yeah.

I can draw up all 50 states + DC on a blank map too, name all their state capitals, their current Governors and their current 2 Senators ...

Well for someone who can draw all the states, your avatar is one of the worst drawings of Kentucky I have ever seen.

[mencken]

Why has Statespoll not been banned?

you should be banned, not me

Ebsy, are you OK? Make a noise if you survived that burn.

[Landslide Lyndon]

I'm calling it now - Bill Clinton will loose this election in a historic landslide. I doubt he'll win so much as a single vote on election day.

[Sopranos Republican]

What is Einzige, the magazine?
 
 
 

He was a literal nazi and sex offender who used to post here.

But don't worry, he used to be fiscally conservative, socially liberal. (like me, lol)

[Fitzgerald]

Never have I seen such a breathtaking lack of self-awareness:

I'm glad that SOMEONE is giving Seriously? and StatesPoll something to jack off to every morning.  Don't want those two backed up on election day and then feeling the need to volunteer as poll monitors in their nearest "urban" precinct.

Excuse you? Was that really necessary?

[DINGO Joe]

Do you want Isis 2.0.? Because that's how you get Isis 2.0.

ISIS 2: ELECTROCUTING THE INFIDELS BOOGALOO

[heatcharger]

Context: Jan Brewer, Arizona

A moment of clarity for her alcohol-soaked, sun-baked brain! She's not wrong, but maybe things will change.

I wonder if Georgia Democrats could enlist Jan's services for lobbying the Clinton campaign and the DNC to do the right thing? We could pay her in fifths of whatever they drink out there and tacky plastic lawn furniture.

[Mike Thick]

Perhaps Trump can repair to Atlasia to work on his 100 day plan.

That would be the right course of action.

By the way, this is not over. He can still pivot at any time during the next week, even after Halloween for a strong effect.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I know everything in all communities. I'm friends with all cultures.

I love this so much.

[LLR]

Context:

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Why wasn't DWPerry listed as an option here?  It looks like he tied for second place in the earlier poll.

Goddamn it I knew someone would find out. Let this be a lesson kids, don't lie - commit voter fraud instead.

So you admit that DWPerry was left out of this debate simply because he failed to register with the FEC?  More proof that the system is rigged, and this entire "favorite poster" series is built on lies.

[Figueira]

in summary

Alabama: Basically all of Alabama's are boring, should pass easily. Most of Alabama's historic amendments are along the lines of "tell Random County (Pop : 12) they must rename the position of "Chief Dogcatcher" to "Dogcatcher-in-chief" or "remove Oxford comma in article 7, paragraph 4", so its no wonder the legislature has decided to clamp down on the previous requirement to hold statewide votes on random county issues with Amendment 3. RIP to that bloat. Oh yeah, and a vote on right to work (the state already has it, but eh, why not add it to the constitution?).

Alaska: automatic voter registration when Alaskans sign up for their oil money cheque. This makes sense in a state like Alaska, and is endorsed by Murkowski, Sullivan etc.

Arizona: Min wage + Marijuana

Arkansas: prevents the Lt Gov declaring a coup when Gov ambles across the state border, and also (for some reason) two medical marijuana bills, which by their powers combined ... are both failing badly. Sad!

California: Loads, pretty much all moronic, only placed on the ballot for political machinations or the work of crazy rich people and deep lobbies (who knew Big Plastic Bag was so devious?)

Colorado: although single-payer is predictably failing (COLORADONS WOULD YOU LIKE TO JUMP INTO THE MYSTERY VOID! YOU WILL END UP AS SWEDEN!), there is some interesting stuff. Like banning slavery (!) and legalising youth in asia. Also min wage, tobacco tax and open primaries.

Florida: Amendment to get medical weed (opposed by ever lovable plutocrat Sheldon Adelson) and a "pro-solar" amendment designed to strangle non-utility-owned solar power (like, literally a utility executive was leaked doing the whole "mwahaha I am fooling these fools" speech).

Georgia: nothing very interesting. An attempt to save failing schools, presumably by setting up a board of paid consultants to shake their heads and say "ah this is bad", some stuff about helping sexually abused children (presumably an attempt to estimate how many Georgians are irredeemable monsters who would vote NO, I guess) and taxing fireworks.

Hawaii: Two amendments. Both are very important issues that reflect the changing focus of the finances and ... zzzzzzzzzz

Idaho: giving the legislative branch more power over bureaucratic rules, backed by Otter, opposed by AG.

Illinois: blacks transport funds from being used for anything else. I always find these bills pretty dumb especially for a state in a budget crisis, but eh. I'm not a member of the Illliois State Legislature who has to deal with half the budget being locked up prematurely! I'd feel real bad for anybody who had to deal with that irl!

Indiana and Kansas: both states want to make it a protected right to f-ck animals. Oh wait, f-ck with animals, sorry. They want to Hunting and Fishing to the constitution as a protected right.

Louisiana: bunch of amendments, none very interesting. setting a corporate flat tax? k.

Maine: fun wedge issues, like min wage, weed, IRV, universal background checks and income tax rise on all the rich people who decide to  live in Maine (Stephen King, err, ...)

Maryland - vacancy filling stuff. not interesting.

Massachusetts: Some sexy topics here guys! Weed! Anti-Factory Farming! Casinos! more charter schools!

Minnesota - sets up one of those tedious legislative pay boards to rubber-stamp $500,000 salaries.

Montana: victim's rights bill, a ban on snares (the animal trap, not the drums; although I wouldn't be opposed to the latter), more medical memes

Nebraska: voters will probably block the legislature's repeal of the death penalty, something I knew even before I just looked up a poll.

Nevada: m a r i j u a n a, universal background checks, repeal of tax on medical equipment and a ban on energy monopolies.

New Jersey: more casinos (casinos? In New Jersey? What a novel idea!) but away from Atlantic City. Weirdly the added revenue would then be diverted back to Atlantic City.

New Mexico: All bonds, aside from an amendment on bail reform that was neutered midway through by the industry.

North Dakota: medical marijuana, raise the tobacco tax (how many states are basically financially dependent on chain-smokers now, anyway?), one of those silly laws that require state legislatures to live in their districts and not Norway or something etc.

Oklahoma: some classic stuff for the Oklahoma bashers of Atlas. A measure to enshrine the death penalty in the constitution ("Welcome to Oklahoma: We Will Kill You")? A "right to farm", whatever that means? Finally allowing full-strength beer in the state? And best of all, Question 790, which will "Repeal prohibition on public money being spent for religious purposes".

Oregon: 6 bills, nothing interesting aside from Measure 97, a huge rise on tax on big companies, which Governor Brown really wants passed. Oh yeah, and banning the trade of the products of 12 endangered species: rhino, cheetah, tiger, sea turtle, lion, elephant, whale, shark, pangolin, jaguar, ray, and leopard.

This is a pangolin btw:



what a cutie. if you vote against this after seeing him, you have no soul, soz.

Pennsylvania: judicial retirement age, lame.

Rhode Islands: bonds, casinos, and setting up an anti-corruption agency that will investigate legislators.

South Dakota: some interesting ones like a redistricting commission, introduction of non-partisan elections (which is opposed by the GOP, although state Dems have stayed silent), public financing of election, repealing right-to-work on the sly and regulation of payday loans.

Utah: This is a big one, folks. Amendment One will change the official Oath Of Office to mention the word "Utah" as opposed to "this state". You know, so elected officials don't accidentally think they've been elected in Ohio by mistake. They just want clarity!

Virginia: will push through right-to-work. Whether the state's new Democratic wave will bring about some new love for unions is anyone's guess. (I doubt it)

Washington: some new gun control, a carbon tax that has been abandoned by almost every state environmental group because they have "a better one" for the 2018 ballot, but has shuffled into the ballot via inertia anyway, "democracy vouchers" (basically public financing of campaigns), one of those quixotic attempts to change the federal constitution via state ballot (irt Citizen's United) and a minimum wage increase. There is also the latest chess move in a weird battle between libertarian think tank Freedom foundation and the trade union SEIU, about whether SEIU can keep their member list under wraps or something.

Wyoming: a bill to allow more state funds on the stock market. Thanks for the climactic finish Wyoming. Why did you get to be last in the alphabet anyway?

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Robot Devil Belzebot  YaBB God ★★★★★ Posts: 3158

Would you consider these lyrics anti-Robotic? « on: October 22, 3003, 11:12:51 am » You must be logged in to read this quote.

[Joe Republic]

Next at 11 Hillary Clinton's symbolic shattering of the Javits Center's glass ceiling leaves 3 dead, 110 wounded.