The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

We all remember what this poster did right? Despicable imo.

It should be noted that I’ve engaged in respectful conversations with every single person who’s disagreed with me here, as far as I know. That said. In 7th grade, I took an SAT test without preparing for it at all, it was spur-of-the-moment, I knew about it about an hour ahead of time and didn’t do any research or anything. I scored higher on it than the average person using it to apply for college in my area. An IQ test has shown me to be in the 99.9th percentile for IQ. This is the highest result the test I was given reaches; anything further and they’d consider it to be within the margin of error for that test.

My mother’s boyfriend of 8 years is an aerospace engineer who graduated Virginia Tech. At the age of 15, I understand physics better than him, and I owe very little of it to him, as he would rarely give me a decent explanation of anything, just tell me that my ideas were wrong and become aggravated with me for not quite understanding thermodynamics. He’s not particularly successful as an engineer, but I’ve met lots of other engineers who aren’t as good as me at physics, so I’m guessing that’s not just a result of him being bad at it.

I’m also pretty good at engineering. I don’t have a degree, and other than physics I don’t have a better understanding of any aspect of engineering than any actual engineer, but I have lots of ingenuity for inventing new things. For example, I independently invented regenerative brakes before finding out what they were, and I was only seven or eight years old when I started inventing wireless electricity solutions (my first idea being to use a powerful infrared laser to transmit energy; admittedly not the best plan).

I have independently thought of basically every branch of philosophy I’ve come across. Every question of existentialism which I’ve seen discussed in SMBC or xkcd or Reddit or anywhere else, the thoughts haven’t been new to me. Philosophy has pretty much gotten trivial for me; I’ve considered taking a philosophy course just to see how easy it is.

Psychology, I actually understand better than people with degrees. Unlike engineering, there’s no aspect of psychology which I don’t have a very good understanding of. I can debunk many of even Sigmund Freud’s theories. I’m a good enough writer that I’m writing a book and so far everybody who’s read any of it has said it was really good and plausible to expect to have published. And that’s not just, like, me and family members, that counts strangers on the Internet. I’ve heard zero negative appraisal of it so far; people have critiqued it, but not insulted it.

I don’t know if that will suffice as evidence that I’m intelligent. I’m done with it, though, because I’d rather defend my maturity, since it’s what you’ve spent the most time attacking. The following are some examples of my morals and ethical code. I believe firmly that everybody deserves a future. If we were to capture Hitler at the end of WWII, I would be against executing him. In fact, if we had any way of rehabilitating him and knowing that he wasn’t just faking it, I’d even support the concept of letting him go free. This is essentially because I think that whoever you are in the present is a separate entity from who you were in the past and who you are in the future, and while your present self should take responsibility for your past self’s actions, it shouldn’t be punished for them simply for the sake of punishment, especially if the present self regrets the actions of the past self and feels genuine guilt about them.

I don’t believe in judgement of people based on their personal choices as long as those personal choices aren’t harming others. I don’t have any issue with any type of sexuality whatsoever (short of physically acting out necrophilia, pedophilia, or other acts which have a harmful affect on others - but I don’t care what a person’s fantasies consist of, as long as they recognize the difference between reality and fiction and can separate them). I don’t have any issue with anybody over what type of music they listen to, or clothes they wear, etc. I know that’s not really an impressive moral, but it’s unfortunately rare; a great many people, especially those my age, are judgmental about these things. I love everyone, even people I hate. I wish my worst enemies good fortune and happiness. Rick Perry is a vile, piece of sh**t human being, deserving of zero respect, but I wish for him to change for the better and live the best life possible. I wish this for everyone.

I’m pretty much a pacifist. I’ve taken a broken nose without fighting back or seeking retribution, because the guy stopped punching after that. The only time I’ll fight back is if 1) the person attacking me shows no signs of stopping and 2) if I don’t attack, I’ll come out worse than the other person will if I do. In other words, if fighting someone is going to end up being more harmful to them than just letting them go will be to me, I don’t fight back. I’ve therefore never had a reason to fight back against anyone in anything serious, because my ability to take pain has so far made it so that I’m never in a situation where I’ll be worse off after a fight. If I’m not going to get any hospitalizing injuries, I really don’t care. The only exception is if someone is going after my life. Even then, I’ll do the minimum amount of harm to them that I possibly can in protecting myself. If someone points a gun at me and I can get out of it without harming them, I’d prefer to do that over killing them.

I consider myself a feminist. I don’t believe in enforced or uniform gender roles; they may happen naturally, but they should never be coerced into happening unnaturally. As in, the societal pressure for gender roles should really go, even if it’ll turn out that the majority of relationships continue operating the same way of their own accord. I treat women with the same outlook I treat men, and never participate in the old Reddit “women are crazy” circlejerk, because there are multiple women out there and each have different personalities just like there are multiple men out there and each with different personalities. I don’t think you do much of anything except scare off the awesome women out there by going on and on about the ones who aren’t awesome.

That doesn’t mean I look for places to victimize women, I just don’t believe it’s fair to make generalizations such as the one about women acting like everything’s OK when it’s really not (and that’s a particularly harsh example, because all humans do that).

 I’m kind of tired of citing these examples and I’m guessing you’re getting tired of reading them, if you’ve even made it this far. In closing, the people who know me in real life all respect me, as do a great many people in the brony community, where I spend most of my time and where I’m pretty known for being helpful around the community. A lot of people in my segment of the community are depressed or going through hard times, and I spend a lot of time giving advice and support to people there. Yesterday someone quoted a case of me doing this in a post asking everyone what their favorite motivational/inspirational quote was, and that comment was second to the top, so I guess other people agreed (though, granted, it was a pretty low-traffic post, only about a dozen competing comments). All that, and I think your behavior in this thread was totally assholish. So what do you think, now that you at least slightly know me?

[Santander]

Virginia, as she quickly established herself as a respected and prolific poster.

Virginia is quite remarkable, isn't she?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Virginia, as she quickly established herself as a respected and prolific poster.

Calm down.

[Kingpoleon]

I'll never be ready for Hillary, but I am ready to keep Trump out of the White House.

[mencken]

Seem to fit the narrative that Romney was a Western Republican and Trump is an Eastern Republican.

A bit of a brick joke.

[Frozen Sky Ever Why]

Unintentional o/c, but still gold:

I honestly have no idea what an Ashkenazi is, I've heard Stefan Molyneux use the term a few times.

Stefan is a hack but it's an interesting broadcast. I knew that Ashkenazi is a term for a certain type of Jew, I just don't know any specifics.

[LLR]

Unintentional o/c, but still gold:

I honestly have no idea what an Ashkenazi is, I've heard Stefan Molyneux use the term a few times.

Stefan is a hack but it's an interesting broadcast. I knew that Ashkenazi is a term for a certain type of Jew, I just don't know any specifics.

Ashkenazi: European Jews
Sephardic: Spanish Jews (although, in general, Mediterranean because of 1492 and stuff)

[Virginiá]

I remember when Hamilton made his own forum and posted there as "Dave Leip"

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Alaska has voted for Texas. Just let that sink in.

who is texas?

He'd probably be a better president than Trump.  But I don't think he's eligible, since word is that he was born in Mexico.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

We are told that Leip created the Forum, wrote The Terms of Use and sent his message to be delivered unto us by his faithful prophets. But in these latter days even the most faithful of His followers have been disturbed by on onslaught of evildoers: spam bots, socks, trolls and hacks have descended upon us. Surely to believe in a benevolent Leip is a childish fallacy, when we can clearly observe His failures to protect the forum that he supposedly cherishes?

Note, I am not arguing from an aleipist perspective. That would clearly be wrong. We can tell that that divine messages have been passed down by a deity referring itself as Dave Leip. This is obvious. What I propose is that this deity is neutral or even malevolent to the forum inhabitants. It can be the only explanation.

Regards
CRABCAKE

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Using actual science (ie fact) makes it pretty clear.

[Mr. Smith]

Its like my great aunt who has been lutheran, jehovahs witness, and Catholic.  It was quite amazing how fast she just adopted the tenants of each religion...but damn she can cook and she's a hoot to boot!  Can you cook beet?  Are you any fun?

[Kingpoleon]

Describing my ideology:

Conservative.

[bagelman]

I have decided to live a life of celibacy.

Going for the full Atlas lifestyle. Brave.

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

Cuomo. Dunham is a misandrist pig.

TEH FEMINAZIS

[Kingpoleon]

BRTD was an exemplary example of a reasonable

[Mr. Smith]

Of course. It only changes for temporary periods once in awhile to honor a poster.

Are you honoring Famous Mortimer right now?

[MT Treasurer]

Context:

Ha, ha. Cena would be a good candidate actually. He does appeal to Italian and Irish enclaves!

[Virginiá]

Context: Has Anyone on Atlas Ever Dated Another Atlas Poster?

Yeah, that's a shame.

These women are missing out on something: In fact, I'm a very gentle and thorough lover.

Well sorry, but women don't want that. We all know what women, a diverse group of people with many different personalities, interests, thoughts, and traits, want.


A man they can peg and dominate.

These threads always seem to bring out the best in Atlas

[The Dowager Mod]

Context: Has Anyone on Atlas Ever Dated Another Atlas Poster?

Yeah, that's a shame.

These women are missing out on something: In fact, I'm a very gentle and thorough lover.

Well sorry, but women don't want that. We all know what women, a diverse group of people with many different personalities, interests, thoughts, and traits, want.


A man they can peg and dominate.

These threads always seem to bring out the best in Atlas

That's why I stay well away from those threads. heh

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

One of the things I went on about in my drunken election night rant to the unfortunate friends who had to suffer me was that I had no f**king clue what the J. stood for. Then I learned it stood for John. John, for f**k's sake! The guy can't even be bothered to have a mildly interesting middle name.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

One of the things I went on about in my drunken election night rant to the unfortunate friends who had to suffer me was that I had no f**king clue what the J. stood for. Then I learned it stood for John. John, for f**k's sake! The guy can't even be bothered to have a mildly interesting middle name.

Not really related but if I ever have a son I'm considering "Joseph Stanislaus".

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

I assume that she could make it as far as the end of the driveway before her handlers caught up. Hopefully not much farther than that, especially if traffic is heavy.

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

Meh, Minnesota seems alright, if a bit too cold ... but BRTD's ward/precinct/whatever can  off.

What about the 2000 other people that have to suffer from his presence.

Send in the evacuation team.

Sorry BRTD, I couldn't resist.

[Virginiá]

Context: Why the pessimism about Donald Trump here?

For one, it's now irrelevant.

For another, yes, she had flaws. Especially as a campaigner. But she had a long history as an effective establishment technocrat bureaucrat.


As someone opposed to the status quo, the choice between Clinton and Trump seemed to be the choice between bus drivers. The bus is heading to a place I don't really want to go. Clinton would have kept going the same (wrong) direction. Sure, she might have pocketed an extra 5 cents per ticket, or delayed some non-critical maintenance. But she also would have kept the passenger compartment a civilized place. And she would have kept the bus on the road, in its lane. It might even have been a pleasant drive.

Trump, by comparison, is a drunk driver waving a gun with an unknown number of bullets. Some passengers wonder if he's got a bomb vest under his jacket. He raves at other passengers that they should throw people off the bus. He's put the pedal to the floor, and forget the staying in the right lane, we'll be lucky to stay on the road. There are noises coming from under the hood, and he tells everyone to ignore them, it'll be fine. He says the same thing about the cop cars outside, and threatens to shoot anyone who points out that he's wearing a hat that has "State Mental Hospital" printed on it instead of "Bus Driver". Then he says he's the best bus driver ever, in a slurred voice.