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Author Topic: The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival  (Read 237459 times)
MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #450 on: March 01, 2015, 02:03:59 AM »

Florida is the mentally challenged offspring of a nasty tryst between the Confederacy and Cuba, who was raised in a foster home by a well-meaning but smothering Jewish Mother from the Tri-State Area and her real estate developer husband.

Just came here to post it.
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morgieb
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« Reply #451 on: March 01, 2015, 04:12:21 AM »

Florida is the mentally challenged offspring of a nasty tryst between the Confederacy and Cuba, who was raised in a foster home by a well-meaning but smothering Jewish Mother from the Tri-State Area and her real estate developer husband.

Just came here to post it.
Yeah, that was great.
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SWE
SomebodyWhoExists
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« Reply #452 on: March 01, 2015, 06:37:22 PM »

I must oppose it, no matter whether I want to or not, or I am going directly against the word of god, which I am always striving to avoid.

If you see married same sex couples, some who have been together for years, decades even and they are caring for each other, supporting each other, nursing each other through illness and death, do you see in that 'sinful acts'?

When my husband was in hospital and I held his hand as he went under general anaesthetic and he came out of it, do you think that was a sinful act? When I changed his bandages and washed his scars was that a sinful act? I did these things because I love him more than I've ever known how to love. Was it the result of 'sinful' lust?

Gay Marriage is a sinful act. Now, caring for someone else is fine, and spousal hospital visitation rights are something  I'd be willing to allow under a civil union.

Homosexuals should be able to resist the urge to enter a full fledged marriage. I don't consider being/acting homosexual, or entering into a civil union that has clear differences from a marriage,  a sin. Caring for homos is not a sin, and I don't support conversion therapy or discrimination against homosexuals in education, employment, or provision of non-wedding-related services.

But once you enter into a full fledged gay marriage, or a gay civil union that is indistinguishable from a gay marriage, you are sinning and should be ashamed.
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Anti Democrat Democrat Club
SawxDem
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« Reply #453 on: March 01, 2015, 06:43:32 PM »

But once you enter into a full fledged gay marriage, or a gay civil union that is indistinguishable from a gay marriage, you are sinning and should be ashamed.

Hilarious!
Sin is never hilarious. It is filthy and abhorring to the eyes of god and all good christians. No one is perfect and everyone sins sometimes. But it is something that all good christians should strive to avoid.
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IceSpear
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« Reply #454 on: March 03, 2015, 04:36:01 AM »
« Edited: March 03, 2015, 05:56:06 PM by IceSpear »

I wonder if she asked Obama to run in 2008 so that she could be nominated as Secretary of State and then cause the Benghazi attack to happen so that it would distract us from Obama improving the economy so that she would be such an overwhelming favorite in 2016 that she would have enough power to push her longtime nemesis and sworn enemy Mikulski out of the Senate.

I wonder if she asked Obama to run in 2008 so that she could be nominated as Secretary of State and then cause the Benghazi attack to happen so that it would distract us from Obama improving the economy so that she would be such an overwhelming favorite in 2016 that she would have enough power to push her longtime nemesis and sworn enemy Mikulski out of the Senate.

She also set up Bill with Monica, both to garner sympathy for herself, as the wronged wife, and to make sure that Bill's troubles would tarnish Gore somewhat, so that he'd only be able to fight Bush to about a draw.  Because that wasn't enough, she designed the butterfly ballot, to make sure that Bush made it to the White House, setting up an 8 year failed presidency that swept Obama in as president (and her as Secretary of State) in 2008.

The problem was that she couldn't be sure that Bush would fail so badly, so she made sure to sneak Osama bin Laden out of Tora Bora, stole Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction and dumped them in the ocean (where they would years later accidentally shoot down MH370), and redirected Hurricane Katrina towards New Orleans.  To insure that Kerry lost to Bush in 2004, and to make sure that he would be sufficiently discredited so that Obama wouldn't pick him for SoS over her, she also staged Senate votes for Kerry to vote for the $87 billion before he voted against it, and asked him to tell a botched joke about getting stuck in Iraq.

Still, she never really forgave Bill for enjoying his time with Monica as much as he did, so he swiped her stained dress and had its shadow included in Bill's official portrait, then took an overexposed picture of it that looked to some people like black and blue and to others like gold and white.  The ensuing world debate over the dress's color managed to distract voters from the scandal over how she had used a private email account during her tenure at the State Department, in order to write personalized thank you notes to all of the henchmen she'd used to pull off these diabolical schemes over the years.
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politicus
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« Reply #455 on: March 04, 2015, 02:00:13 AM »

Context:

No, unfortunately J.J. no longer posts here.
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They put it to a vote and they just kept lying
20RP12
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« Reply #456 on: March 04, 2015, 08:13:14 AM »

I might've laughed a little too hard at this one:

Being a Jew means being a minority. When they became a majority, they stopped being Jews.

To quote Tsar Nicholas II's last words: "AYY LMAO"
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Sol
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« Reply #457 on: March 05, 2015, 10:13:02 AM »

The worst Left in history, I hope they all die in a fire.
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SPC
Chuck Hagel 08
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« Reply #458 on: March 05, 2015, 12:30:33 PM »

In other words, another potential Dem office holder to give Chris a thrill up his leg and a tingle in his thighs.
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Brewer
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« Reply #459 on: March 05, 2015, 04:26:20 PM »

Well I can't fault those voters who were suckered into believing that the anointed one, pretty much got a pass and won the presidency by pretending to be something that he wasn't; would he been elected running in a bad economy after 8 years of someone like Al Gore; Obama was elected, not so much of who he was, but rather because he sold the idea he was "different"; not really, he race baits,  if you criticise him or his policies, very good at that "chip on the shoulder act, you could say he is not so much as a uniter as a divider; doesn't understand the private sector and wants something for nothing,  he learned well, when he was a "community organizer" in the Chicago ghetto. Yep with that kinda background,  time to reinvent ones self, and pretend that one is not really a leftist liberal,  who  to "spread the wealth", another example of the ghetto mentality.
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windjammer
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« Reply #460 on: March 05, 2015, 07:04:39 PM »

Why would the great (and entirely crazy, but that's honestly part of the appeal) nation of Italy want to annex that famously dull and notoriously boorish suburb?

This.

If anything, Staten Island should be returned to the ocean.
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Panda Express
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« Reply #461 on: March 05, 2015, 07:18:13 PM »

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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HHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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IceSpear
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« Reply #462 on: March 06, 2015, 04:48:28 AM »

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Enderman
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« Reply #463 on: March 06, 2015, 05:57:26 PM »

One could say that his term has been quite a bore so far.
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True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)
Ernest
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« Reply #464 on: March 06, 2015, 06:42:25 PM »

Sometimes dreams can come true!
For the Republican primary, its actually on April 1st.

Your joke is dumb, so I'll ruin it by pointing out that April 1, 2016 is actually a Friday, so it can't be "Super Tuesday".  Tongue

Thanks for squashing my dream of being on the witty one-liner thread,

HP.
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Anti Democrat Democrat Club
SawxDem
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« Reply #465 on: March 07, 2015, 10:05:42 AM »


We should all be so fortunate as to have shaken hands with the greatest Prime Minister that Canada has ever been blessed with.
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King
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« Reply #466 on: March 07, 2015, 02:24:50 PM »

BTW, I'm not a conservative. I'm just someone who sees the world for what it is.
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Simfan34
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« Reply #467 on: March 08, 2015, 09:38:31 AM »

SJW vs. MRA would probably be a better comparison. As far as I can tell, the Red Pill is really just a self-improvement cult with ties to the latter. It has its own vocabulary and method for making sense of the world, but it's more focused on the behavior of its members than it is on effecting any wider change in the style of a social movement.

One thought that occurs to me in response to this thread is that "game" makes more sense as a framework for dealing with voters than it does as applied by Red Pillers. Running a find+replace to this effect on any Red Pill screed about women yields amusing results:

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Simfan34
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« Reply #468 on: March 08, 2015, 09:48:36 AM »

This guy is good... maybe too good:

Only women working in unionized factories producing tractors or working in the coal mines count, fools.

Tractor ? Such machinory is expensive and frivolous ! Why make tractors when we could be using that money to help the poor ? Obvious servants of the bourgeois ! The true worker farms with stone tools ! And coal ?! Any proud middle class commie knows is damaging to the environment ! Obvious slaves to the bourgeois global-kapitalist-earth-killers ! True workers work in fields, make glorious potato for politburo !

International Women's Day ?! How can one be woman if not make potato ?!

In all seriousness, thanks for reminding us what this holiday is really about. Men like you telling women what to do with their lives.
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tik 🪀✨
ComradeCarter
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« Reply #469 on: March 09, 2015, 03:06:14 AM »

I regularly dole out 5 point infractions when my real life friends engage in excessive hyperbole.  This doesn't sound so bad, until you learn that each infraction point takes the form of a punch to the face.  A close friend is now on mod review, and I sent him to the hospital.  Sad
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They put it to a vote and they just kept lying
20RP12
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« Reply #470 on: March 09, 2015, 05:13:05 AM »

Context:

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Clarko95 📚💰📈
Clarko95
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« Reply #471 on: March 09, 2015, 11:07:59 AM »

The forum has really been on a roll this month. I couldn't breathe after some of the posts on this last page.

This whole thread is pretty good as well:
Because non-working women are also deserving of consideration?
Housewives and mothers are slaves to the patriarchy and will face the guillotine for hording their children from collective ownership of course.

Though housewives actually are working women. The lack of salary doesn't mean it's not work.

So through the First Law of Sage, since the working woman feeds the working man, the working woman controls the working man. Therefore, there is no patriarchy, and in fact, the matriarchy is a form of misandry. Checkmate, feminazis.
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Enderman
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« Reply #472 on: March 09, 2015, 11:45:28 AM »

This conversation is quite hilarious, but Morden just tops it all off.

Posting here has made no difference whatsoever to my friends.

I have never even mentioned that I post on here.

Tender Branson's friend: What are you doing?

Tender Branson: Oh, nothing.  This is just...uh....a website devoted to election maps.

Tender Branson's friend: What do election maps have to do with a topless Angela Merkel?

Tender Branson: What?  I thought that was a picture of Kim Jong-un's sister.

It's getting a bit old now ... Tongue

Really?  I don't think it's that old.  Maybe 15 years old, tops.

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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
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« Reply #473 on: March 09, 2015, 12:11:26 PM »

Okay dudes, I have an economic plan. 10 points. Saves America

- No more taxes. Taxes are dumb.
- Create a cheese subsidy. I like cheese bro.
- Let's bomb Uzbekistan. $$$
- High tariffs on North Korea and Russia. HAHA
- Change our currency to Nickles and only Nickles. Keep em in storage.
- Tax God (HAHA)
- Burn all of the banks using alternative resources
- Get everyone a job
- Fight inflation with guns!
- What do you think guys?

Oh and I forgot to tax ISIS. MAD REVENUE
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windjammer
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« Reply #474 on: March 09, 2015, 05:44:43 PM »

I'm a big fan. It carries the upside possibility of wiping out all life on earth, which would be great since there would be less awful, awful people.
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