The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Figueira]

Context:

Scenario B: Go back in time 100 years.

Our time machine took us to 1912. Lets see how they voted. Oh, they both voted Republican. Must have been a Republican landslide or something.

[Enderman]

Hillary Clinton, let's be honest

darthebearnc actually likes Hillary Clinton?

*Thinking Crumpet's Crumpet dies

[The Last Northerner]

In response to the Syria Refugee Crisis.

So I was planning a ~2 month backpacking trip through Europe next summer. But after reading this topic, I think I should just book a flight to Damascus instead. Seeing as how Europe will apparently become a desolate wasteland like the Middle East and all, it would save me time and money and I could get the same experience in Syria that I would have gotten in Europe.

[Joe Republic]

It appears that the problem has been solved. Dominic Holden, a deputy clerk, will just blow Davis off, and ignore any order that she gives that he is not to issue SSM licenses, and instead issue them in accordance with the court's order. I suppose Kim Davis could attempt to fire Holden, but the court will probably just issue an order that her firing has no force and effect.

Her firing wouldn't have any force because Dominic Holden is a Buzzfeed reporter. The clerk is Brian Mason.

[Torie]

It appears that the problem has been solved. Dominic Holden, a deputy clerk, will just blow Davis off, and ignore any order that she gives that he is not to issue SSM licenses, and instead issue them in accordance with the court's order. I suppose Kim Davis could attempt to fire Holden, but the court will probably just issue an order that her firing has no force and effect.

Her firing wouldn't have any force because Dominic Holden is a Buzzfeed reporter. The clerk is Brian Mason.

This may be my first post that anyone found funny.

[Illuminati Blood Drinker]

My poll has shown that I am apparently so gay according to most male youtubers that they apparently want to rape my father. I had no idea.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

An angry looking cloud of dust engulfing a barren desert.  Great imagery for the Sanders campaign there.

Hillary still has the Southern firewhale !

"Yee haw!!"

[/]

Nevada is like the Ron Paul of early primary states.

This is SO TRUE.

[Türkisblau]

Nevada is like the Ron Paul of early primary states.

This is SO TRUE.

SHARE if you agree!!!

[Mr. Morden]

The thread title sounds like a perverse sexual act.

Thank you... 

[/]

Maybe it is also irrelevant, but zen lunatic has got to be the coolest name of any poster. Perhaps, I too am a little biased.

Nah, I think you're just playing devil's advocate.

[Joe Republic]

This just in, Twitter has announced Gilmore doesn't have enough followers, he has been relegated down to MySpace

[Landslide Lyndon]

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a clock is a good guy with a clock.

[The Last Northerner]

Drought?  There's no drought.  I turn on my tap and water just keeps coming out.  As an experiment, I've had my tap in the bath on full blast for the last nine days, and the water is still coming just fine.  Droughts are other people's problem, you see.  You liberals worry too much.

[/]

(Seriously though, surprisingly little beyond on FTA's and a few of Bernie's hobby horses that don't have a hell's chance in getting past congress. Berniemania is more based on a stylistic difference IMO)

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

So far the whole thread has been comedy genius, but the following is the best post so far.

Tender: What is it, Doctor?
Scientist: Herr Bundeskanzler. I'm pleased to report that we have captured a perfect Mexican specimen.
Tender: Excellent! Show me to him

The scientist pulls a curtain.

Tender: He's a bit pale
Prisoner: I'm not even a Mexican. I'm from Florida.
Scientist: Of course he is a Mexican, Master. His name's "Chairman Sanchez".
Sanchez: Actually, it's just my username.
Tender: Well, if his name's "Sanchez", then he's obviously a Mexican. Proceed.
Scientist: Yes, Master.
Sanchez:

Two prisoners were stuffed into a machine.

Scientist: And now, Master, all you have to do is to push that button for their DNA to merge.
Tender: This is truly a historic moment (pushes the button)

After a couple of minutes, the process was completed.

Tender: (laughing uncontrollably) YES! YES! See that, Doctor? A final proof that using term "Blaxican" is not racist at all Now, all I've got to do is to post this on the Forum for the haters, that want to silence me, to stop

I told you the Blaxicans is NOT an offensive term

[ElectionsGuy]

Trump is more socially fascist, while Clinton is more fiscally fascist.

[/]

[Mr. Morden]

Only on Atlas...

Also most of them are hardcore Christians (especially, unfortunately, the 9/10 and 10/10 girls ), but then again, that just makes it more fun to debate them.

See guys, this is why I have so many friends (JK).

What is this newfangled system of rating people with numbers like that? So the girls with higher numbers are more religious and socially conservative, but I don't know what the numbers mean. Maybe they mean wealth? What's my number, and what's your number?

Are you a 9/10 or 10/10 person who cannot fit in with the other classmates your number? Maybe the less conservative types have lower numbers, like 5 or 1.

[/]

I hope Atlas can infiltrate the Town Hall debate.  We could get questions like:

-Opinion of Viktor Orban: FF or HP?
-What is your average number of internet posts per day?
-Opinion of the preceding debater's signature?
-What are you listening to right now?
-Did you agree with the opebo banning?  Discuss with maps.
-Is Miley Cyrus a virgin?

[/]

I thought dar was gay ...

Why?

Most users here are.

"Gay until proven straight".

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Time to stop being too "politically correct" and call a spade a spade, lived on the mean streets in both San Francisco and Boston, Democratic politicians were always there to cater to that element of the population, who are more than happy to free load, very prevalent in the ghettos. These balloon heads have no concept of the economy,  always something for nothing.

Come on Pubby, you know you want to say the N-word. Come on Tea Bagger, say it.

You are insulting one of the smartest posters here and furthermore, if heatmaster really was a tea party person, he wouldn't have anything nice to say about Governor Bush.

But let's get real here, the Democrats do try to win votes by offering hand-outs. Unfortunately, you are doing exactly what they want you to do - defend the welfare state and call all those who oppose the welfare state racists. The one thing tea party Republicans and the far left have in common is both appeal to less educated voters. The difference is, at least the tea party members aren't a burden on society.

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[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Heat isolated for low energy use.

Has Jeb Bush become a refugee as well?

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I laughed so hard that I actually had to run to the bathroom because I thought I was going to puke.

"Atlasia's Most Trustworthy Source of Legitimate News"
FAR-RIGHT LEGISLATOR CAUGHT IN INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP?

A photograph showing JCL with the victim

Reporters for the Atlasian Picture-Journal have uncovered that theocratic Mideast Assemblyman JCL may be in a relationship with a thirteen-year-old boy.

This message, found Wednesday, provides evidence of the alleged relationship. The victim's apparent enthusiasm suggests that the Assemblyman has been grooming his prey for months or even years. JCL thus joins, if the allegations are true, a proud tradition of extreme homophobes caught in gay sex scandals.
When asked for comment, JCL claimed he had done nothing wrong, saying:

I'm in a relationship with someone and we are happy together.

©2015 Atlasian Picture-Journal — evergreen, ed. — the Atlasian Picture-Journal takes no responsibility as to the accuracy of its content.

[/]

John Boehner for VP?

Orange is the new black.