The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9eSUhbznkM

I have this saved now.  Sorry, "Reaganfan"

[Flake]

We laugh, but demographic targeting may soon create political campaigns targeted towards furries. Watch out for political analysts tracking the swing in the "Fur Vote", candidates making pledges promising cuts in the sales tax of animal costumes and campaign literature adorned with erotic Sonic the Hedgehog characters. This is your future America. One day President Shadow_The_Wolf_272 will sign the oath dressed as a fox, with his VP his own alternative personality.

[Lief 🗽]

I kept suffering from a recurring sore throat when I was in high school, but my approval ratings didn't go up.

[IceSpear]

In a sense, Rubio was the party's rebound fling after getting dumped in 2012. It was a fun flirtation with diversity but in the end they will go back to their true love (some white guy)

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I hate when I don't notice it's t_host and start reading the thread like normal, and at some point I'm just like, "Uhhh, what?"

...well, you did OK, 14 post in and you still seem alright. You'll do better next time.

[Flake]

Priceless.

[King]

If someone doesn't understand how the remedy of specific performance works, they need not burden the rest of society with their moral pronouncements.

You forgot to post your lucky numbers.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Look, I would vote HP, but I get the sense that his distant ancestors in the 19th century talked some sense, see? Clear FF

[Joe Republic]

The government is spying on us through webcams and gaming systems, particularly the XBOX One. Thus I have my webcam covered with masking tape and refuse to purchase a gaming system. If I ever disappear it will likely be due to the government.

[free my dawg]

I disapprove of his tenure for many reasons:

...

9. Benghazi

[Joe Republic]

Got a problem with MIT, eh?  Not surprised; if you had been built there instead of Northwest Arkansas Institute of Technology, you probably wouldn't be quite so buggy.

 Ya no, IF; the thing about theories, for sure in this case, we’ll never know. Do I have any regrets… hum, my buddy and I, HS senior law class thought we were a couple wisenheimers – wasn’t helpful, at all. It was a couple of years later learning the why. Do I want to recall the details? No, todays been depressing enough already  I’m tired   

[badgate]

I almost died during the power outage in February. I was curled up in my bed freezing and in tears when I learned the train wasn't running to take me home/to a friend's school. I didn't even make it 4 hours (I did use a payphone twice during this time - that's how desperate I was). My phone died at 1pm and I booted up my computer at 4:45. I eventually wasted most of the 4 hours of my computer's life on Civilization when I finally thought it was the end. Then there was another hour after with no technology until one building finally got electricity at 9:30, and I didn't leave technology the rest of the night - college basketball streams until 2 AM. I don't think I would have made it. There was literally nothing else to do.

This can never happen again.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Project BushOklahoma (and later, the broader caricature known as Update/The Update) is a machination formally created in 2005 with two key objectives in mind, which later evolved to include several more. BushOklahoma has served several purposes over the years, including (but not limited to) providing moderators with the ability to safely troll the forum, monetizing the moderator position, keeping forum members docile by focusing their attention on unbelievable stories, providing a shadow government through which moderators' powers were preserved, and preventing potential future coups against the moderator team.

Originally a pilot program by Nym, The Vorlon, Alcon, Gustaf, Al, Peter, ATFFL, Supersoulty and the rest of the team, Backup Used Smartly to Hedge Internal Exigencies (henceforth referred to as “Bushie”) was designed to be a perfectly-reared entryist candidate for moderator, in order to serve as an ultimate “backup” for the original Mod Team's power in the event one or more of them were removed from power. It was also designed to be an unknown variable that could simultaneously exert various forms of stability and instability throughout the forum, with the end result being a preservation of total moderator authority over Atlas.

Bushie's two original prime objectives were the result of the moderator hierarchy being threatened in early 2005 with a (then) unprecedented number of complaints against the moderator team in regards to insults, crude behavior and dictatorial policies. At the time, Dave's level of responsiveness to individual complaints and concerns from forumites was sufficient enough to worry many of the original Mod Team that they might easily be replaced if enough complaints were focused at them individually.

Nym and all the moderators at the time had control over the Bushie apparatus, with Nym possessing the email account associated with Atlas account used to create it. Originally designed to be an amalgamation of the original Mod Team's inner self, Bushie lacked consistent posting habits outside of generic electoral evaluations; in essence, he was designed to be the ultimate SOCK that could never be traced to any one person based on behavior (but would never be subjected to IP checks in the first place). This sometimes results in crude behavior and commentary when one particular moderator or another is having a bad day, but it has amazingly never resulted in the project's unveiling (in part because the behaviors have been radically standardized over the years). In the event that one of the moderators were to lose their powers at some point in the future, Bushie ultimately would be a gateway back to wielding power – whether direct or otherwise – over the rebellious forum populace. Over time, the moderator team's ranks exponentially grew; it remains unknown in the modern era which particular moderators (if not all) have access to the Bushie construct.

Bushie has always been able to create skepticism, incredulity and confusion wherever he appears, which is mostly through Update in the modern era. This destabilization of normal, logical expectations functions as an auxiliary form of power, in that it keeps most posters so confused, enamored and frustrated that they never have any time to realize the true nature of the forum's power structure. By doing so, Bushie draws attention and intrigue from forum members, which helps generate a stabilizing effect alongside this and may even swell the forum's ranks; many recent posters have expressed doubt as to whether or not they would even continue visiting the forum if not for Bushie and its subsequent implementation of Update.

After two years of somewhat-careful positioning (2005-2007), albeit with some small hiccups along the way (such as inebriated insults, bigoted replies and posts that seemingly were on the verge of nervous breakdowns; all made by various moderators and all quickly edited/deleted by other moderators with Bushie access), Bushie was made moderator in the spring of 2007. This opportunity was strategically planned, as The Vorlon – believing that he would be made immortal once Bushie was installed – effectively gave up his moderator position through the illusion of inactivity, clearing the way for Bushie's appointment by Dave. With practically unanimous recommendations given to a now fairly-inactive Dave for Bushie by the moderators and Nym (save for some trivial opposition, staged to make things seem more realistic), the moderators' plan had come full circle; a method of self-preservation was guaranteed. Never, however, did a decision make so little sense to the posters at-large.

I know this has been discussed before, but it just continues to alarm me.  usually some degree of competence is necessary to hold such a position.  apparently not here.

For roughly two more years (2007-2009), every past and then-present moderator's power was preserved without incident through the Bushie project, alongside virtually no organized poster-moderator conflicts. While Bushie would retain moderator power for roughly another year after that, the latter dynamic suddenly began to change. With an increasing amount of regulation upon forum conduct being handed down by Dave (due to newer restrictions on sites with respect to search engine rankings and those with affiliate ad-based revenue components), much of the forum community began to grow restless. Many forms of behavior that had long been tolerated were now being restricted or repressed, and this caused the biggest period of unease since before Bushie's inception. As such, the project took on two new objectives (internally referred to as Focuses).

The first was the creation of The Update (2009). For some time, social media profiles for Bushie had existed as a way to comport legitimacy of the existing persona; this was not a factor that had to be legitimately considered when the program first began. Much like with all facades, meticulous details of Bushie were provided through these outlets to ensure there was no doubt of the persona's legitimacy - to the point of appearing obsessive-compulsive. Update was to be an on-forum extension and continuation of both this and the original stability/instability objective. While starting out slow (with only 3 pages of responses in its first week), Update soon captivated the energy of the forum. It had grown to 8 pages by the end of the second week, and 17 by the end of the third week. Much of the prior forum angst previously expressed in FC had abated. Update was considered a success. Less than one week later, The Update 2 began, but was not a hit among the forumites like the first one. With the instability mostly resolved, The Update was placed on the back burner for the short-term, until its reincarnation in early 2010.

After months of managing this ever-growing conspiracy, the Mod Team realized that they were spending copious amounts of time maintaining their power through extensive, detail-oriented commentary, and needed financial compensation to make up for time lost.

I must have missed something. His threads always end up being way too long to read. I've thought he was fake for a long time, though...

The second was the decision that an attempt to monetize the Bushie project would be made. In what ultimately became known to Atlas as the “Ameriscam” fiasco, the moderators sought to cash in on the forum's popularity by convincing – who they thought through their existing successes – gullible fools to join the MLM effort. Unfortunately, this would constitute the biggest setback for the project, as arguments over how to divide the MLM payouts suddenly created conflict. Some on the minority side of the debate (which primarily consisted of some original moderators who no longer had formal moderator power, and as such, were being offered smaller cuts) began to out “Bushie” for his actions to the forum, as a spiteful way to cease the behavior and ruin the money-making opportunity for everyone. This ultimately created so much attention and unrest that the plug had to be pulled on Bushie's moderator status, effectively resulting in a silent coup that purged roughly a dozen “former” moderators from the inner circles of power.

Later attempts to monetize the project through covert means were more successful; the most successful avenue (and perhaps most referred to on the forum, oddly enough) is the sourcing of the Update concept and material to satire publications such as The Onion.

Since the summer of 2010, only actual moderators retain any direct moderation capability due to the Ameriscam fiasco and subsequent demoderation of Bushie, but the Bushie project was soon realized to have power in and of itself, and the Mod Team had an innate understanding of its effects on the forum. Efforts to accelerate Update production intensified, and led to a relative era of piece and docility for three years.

In fact, the team now knew that it could create controlled chaos by purposefully withholding Update from the forum, which was seen in its most prominent example in late 2013. The longest Update hiatus to occur since it began (from 10/29/13 to 1/11/14) was part of a coordinated plot to create chaos that would result in a) Inks being removed from the Mod Team and b) opebo being banned. Inks, being the most disliked mod at the time, was creating a series of image crises that threatened moderator control. A huge wave of anti-moderator sentiment began to permeate the forum during this hiatus, with calls to demod Inks (and then others) intensifying. This period ultimately set into motion an irreversible call for Inks' removal (which finally occurred several months later). Knowing the inevitable outcome and just a few days after opebo's banning, Update magically returned.


We are now seeing another apparent hiatus from the entity many refer to as “Our Dear Friend”; I can only state that this is certainly a planned action to consolidate more power/achieve additional nefarious ends, and that we are certainly in for dark times ahead.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

I know Democrats believe in slavery, but you need to slow your roll. There are plenty of non-fundamentalists in business.

[Vosem]

Got a problem with MIT, eh?  Not surprised; if you had been built there instead of Northwest Arkansas Institute of Technology, you probably wouldn't be quite so buggy.

Ya no, IF; the thing about theories, for sure in this case, we’ll never know.

[Flake]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=203954.0

[politicus]

Context:

it's a false dichotomy that taketh not into account cops that stone themselves.

[Flake]

Context:

NOM warned us, and did we listen?!?

[Grumpier Than Thou]

there is apparently a portal at the funeral home, I think that's a questionable design decision

[Joe Republic]

An another German?
Cool
Welcome!

A familiar phrase for some of you, eh?

[Paul Kemp]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=204101.0

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Age:23
Gender:Alpha Male
Race/ethnic compostion:Italian
Religion:Christian
Height:Maxed out BUFF AS HELL
Weight:
Location:NY ING CITY
Where you were born:NYC
Occupation:BODY BUILDER, WEIGHT LIFTER, PERFECT ALPHA MALE
Person you most admire:MYSELF
Favorite Band:NONE THEIR AALL WEAK
Favorite President:NONE
Favorite Sports team:THE ING METS
Your other interests:BODY BUILDING, BANGING HOT CHICKS, FLOPPING OUT, BEING BUFF, BEING RIPPED AS HELL/THE ALPHA MALE

[solarstorm]

The most incongruous error pic ever:

Here's a pic from her funeral:

[free my dawg]

Governor: Quinn

Senate: Durbin

Representative: Foster

Attorney General: Madigan

Secretary of State: White

Comptroller: Topinka

Treasurer: Cross

State Rep: Fortner

[IceSpear]

Governor: Quinn

Senate: Durbin

Representative: Foster

Attorney General: Madigan

Secretary of State: White

Comptroller: Topinka

Treasurer: Cross

State Rep: Fortner

What's funny about this?