The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Grumpier Than Thou]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=205657.msg0#new

The rare thread where Solarstorm is the voice of reason.

Or the one guy that has to ruin a Facebook post where an Onion article is taken seriously by saying "you know this is satire, right?"

[Miles]

Looks like Mike Beebe...
....was a little unhinged

[Sol]

Some Countries will ban it, and some already have, but the bigger risk is someone like Marine Le Pen or Nigel Farage rewriting it and replacing Jews with Muslims.

Anyone rewriting it would probably remove the Lebensraum portion of the book, as it's much more dated the rest.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Every single poster has a troll-like cynicism that is mean spirited. I know the internet is full of those and has been for a long time, but this forum was always lacking in that which made it rather appealing. I've seen posters call the Police "Pigs", I've seen statements invoking terms like "Kristallnacht" with regards to the social issues going on the last few months, and even outward viewpoints which could come across socialistic and communist.

[IceSpear]

What's the point? This place has more dudes than retromike's fantasy.

[SPC]

Pat Quinn appointed Frederick Ruiz to the office of Acting US Senator on January 26th 2012, three days after Kirk was admitted to hospital.  Ruiz, a Democrat, allowed the Democratic Party to temporarily expand their Senate majority during the 112th Congress.  He left office when Kirk returned to work in January 2013.

[Antonio the Sixth]

#RepublicanProblems

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

It gets better with context:

The next train to arrive at this station will be the 10:32 to Birmingham New Street         Calling at      Wellington                Telford Central                Wolverhampton            Smethwick Galton Bridge    and    Birmingham New Street                

[politicus]

Well, I put the context in the Deluge, but it is actually funny enough to cross-post here:

God forbid that the democratic will of the Slovakian people is different to that of the white schoolboys on Atlas! How dare they!

You do realize no one is arguing against their right to hold the referendum or saying the result shouldn't be respected?

Crabcake has openly and callously hurled vitriol towards the people and constitution, and others on this forum also hold this hostility. They shall not be vindicated!

You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.                              You are a prick.

There will be no vindication.                     There will be no vindication.                                  There will be no vindication.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context required

It's best not to put Santorum in the same sentence as a brown substance.

[Paul Kemp]

It's like the forum has become a cesspool of mean and spiteful 18 year old Pajama-boys from Europe sprouting their radical views in hateful ways.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

wait it gets better:

I can't speak for the 2016 board because every presidential election board almost two years prior to the election is going to be terrible. The rest of the Forum has been overrun by the Pruders. It's a very sad thing.

It's like the forum has become a cesspool of mean and spiteful 18 year old Pajama-boys from Europe sprouting their radical views in hateful ways.

Like Antonio?

Have you seen the "Post a Picture of Yourself" thread recently?

[King]

Though I disagree on why Reaganfan is taking on the Atlas Forum Anti-Sex League, his actions are no doubt noble FF.

[IceSpear]

I think "Uncertain" would make the best GOP nominee.

[Sol]

Just the thread title:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=205817.0

[politicus]

If God was physically going to lift you to reach your full potential a) he'd have already done it and b) he'd need a reinforced crane.

[🦀🎂🦀🎂]

Vox populi/Aizen/PandaExpress again proves himself to be best poster:

Tom Wolf awoke to the sound of a flurry of bats. He groaned and got up. He longed for the days when he was governor.

"I long for the days when I was governor" Tom Wolf muttered.

His beard was very long and he was very unkempt. It was the year 2020.

In 2016, Hillary Clinton ran for president. She picked New York Governor Andrew Cuomo for her running mate. Immediately upon being taking the oath of office, she cackled maniacally. Hahaha, you fools! I was once a registered Republican! And I still am! And my running mate is a Republican too! Now all you Democrats will go the way of the dodo! My right-hand man, Andrew Cuomo, will see to it that all Democrats are expunged from this land!



 All Democratic lawmakers were given a choice - covert to the GOP or die.　Many chose death, although a few converted. All Democratic governors were rounded up and shot (there was only like 5 remaining Dem governors in 2016, but still) and replaced with Andrew Cuomo goons. From state senator to mayor to dogcatcher, all Democrats were purged.

Tom Wolf clenched his fist into a ball. "Cuomo! Damn him!"

FLASHBACK - February 2016

Philadelphia was in ruins. Fire and explosions were everywhere.

"Governor Wolf, they're coming! The Governor's Mansion is under siege!"

"Yes, this could be the end. If you want to leave, now is the time."

"No way sir. You are a massive baller. I'll go down with you"

The door broke was kicked in. Suddenly, a bunch of Rethuglicans in riot attire entered the room with guns pointed at Wolf.

Tom Wolf kicked the gun out of one of the goons hand and took it and shot him. He killed all the GOP goons all cool like.

"Haha, the GOP has got nothing on me!"

"Wow, Tom Wolf, you're amazing."

Just then, a shadowy figure entered the room.

It was Andrew Cuomo.

They engaged in hand to hand combat, but Andrew Cuomo blocked every one of Tom Wolf's attacks.

Tom Wolf began panting heavily.

(Oh, and Andrew Cuomo plucked out Tom Wolf's eye during the fight. So he now wears an eyepatch btw)

"You were a tough nut crack, Wolf. But it's over. Any last words?"

Tom Wolf threw a smokebomb and escaped into a cave. He's been living there ever since.

"Run. Run away and never return!"

Tom Wolf was the last Democrat. The GOP now ran everything. Because of this, the USA was in shambles.

Just then Andrew Cuomo heard a knock on the door. He opened it up.

It was a woman in a cloak.

"Tom Wolf?"

"It's been ages since I last heard that name... but yes, I think that's what they used to call me"

"My name is Zephyr Teachout. And I need your help to overthrow Clinton and Cuomo, defeat the GOP and restore the Dems to power."

Tom Wolf clenched his fist into a ball. "Cuomo! Damn him!"

"Ok, let's do this"

[King]

In response to a poll done by the Women's Voice Action Fund

I dont think we are gonna win WVa, we should spend our money in CO and OH. But, WVA is a microcosum of EAST OHIO, she definately plays well there, in OHIO.

[Mr. Morden]

In response to a poll done by the Women's Voice Action Fund

I dont think we are gonna win WVa, we should spend our money in CO and OH. But, WVA is a microcosum of EAST OHIO, she definately plays well there, in OHIO.

I just came here to post that.  Do we also have a WTF non sequitur mine?

[Lief 🗽]

Anyway, I was tested at a 142 IQ and spent my entire elementary, middle, and high school careers in gifted and honors programs.

[Enderman]

Context:

X Lief

And if the moderators "accidentally" ban him in the process... well, mistakes happen!

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

I literally burst out laughing in public yet again. Thanks Lief.

It's terrifying how realistic this is. I wouldn't be surprised if this all happened exactly as you have written it. Bravo old friend.

[Lief 🗽]

"Euro Socialism SYRIZAOklahoma"

[Ebowed]

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he logged back on the forum. A crowd soon gathered in IRC and he started posting with them. As he was typing, the moderators of the forum and the ban brigade brought a woman who had been caught in the act of trolling. They put her in front of the forum.

"Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of trolling. The site's Terms of Service says to ban her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and started playing Candy Crush on his phone. They kept demanding an answer, so he posted again and said, “All right, but let the one who is without infraction cast the first death point!" Then he stooped down again and played some more Candy Crush.

When the accusers read this, they started logging off one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was on the forum with the woman. Then Jesus started posting again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and troll no more.”

[windjammer]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=205921.0
This thread completely .