The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Lief 🗽]

t_host has been ON FIRE

Are you a ghost?

?, not yet.

[Foucaulf]

Why would someone who has a 99% chance of winning the nomination and a 50% chance (at worst) of winning the general not run? Unless they really don't want to be president, which we already know isn't a problem for Hillary.

Because she's been in the extremely high stress position of the national political spotlight for over 20 years consecutively and is too tired for another grueling 10 years of campaigns and governing, by the end of which she'll be nearly 80.

Because she doesn't want her grandchild to grow up with scurrilous accusations on her character like people saying she's a witch and she killed Vince Foster, etc. Because she's sick of such things herself.

Because no matter what she does the press will always treat her every move as a political calculation and will never admit that she has genuine opinions and hopes for this country, like a normal human being.

Because she's actually an incredibly smart woman who understands that just because she seems inevitable today, that doesn't mean anything come a year and a half from now.

Because she's been demonized, vilified, slandered, misunderstood, humiliated, cheated on, condescended to, and erased, and she just doesn't give that much of a crap anymore.

Because she doesn't owe anybody anything, including her "supporters" and hacks and other people in the Democratic party who want her to run for their own selfish interests.

Because she too shares the desire for a new generation to step up.

Any of those reasons might be a reason.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Why would someone who has a 99% chance of winning the nomination and a 50% chance (at worst) of winning the general not run? Unless they really don't want to be president, which we already know isn't a problem for Hillary.

Because she's been in the extremely high stress position of the national political spotlight for over 20 years consecutively and is too tired for another grueling 10 years of campaigns and governing, by the end of which she'll be nearly 80.

Because she doesn't want her grandchild to grow up with scurrilous accusations on her character like people saying she's a witch and she killed Vince Foster, etc. Because she's sick of such things herself.

Because no matter what she does the press will always treat her every move as a political calculation and will never admit that she has genuine opinions and hopes for this country, like a normal human being.

Because she's actually an incredibly smart woman who understands that just because she seems inevitable today, that doesn't mean anything come a year and a half from now.

Because she's been demonized, vilified, slandered, misunderstood, humiliated, cheated on, condescended to, and erased, and she just doesn't give that much of a crap anymore.

Because she doesn't owe anybody anything, including her "supporters" and hacks and other people in the Democratic party who want her to run for their own selfish interests.

Because she too shares the desire for a new generation to step up.

Any of those reasons might be a reason.

Hillary Clinton is too pure for this cruel world

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I'm sure among the evangelical hipster Ingress scene in Belfast, all the former Catholics who have left the church (because there's no pre existing, non-liberal evangelical community amongst scene crowds in Belfast because I live in Minneapolis and I know) and are now culturally disconnected wouldn't be asking what party to vote for or what flag to like. They'd be saying 'Jesus wouldn't care about flags' Jesus wouldn't want flags banned.

Oh wait...I'm not BRTD. Sorry about that.

[IceSpear]

Hillary Clinton is too pure for this cruel world

Finally you've seen the light.

[Brewer]

2016 : I predict that Governor Scott Walker will win the election. Why ?

I already know you're wrong, but I'll indulge you.

1. Obama Fatigue..... Democrat or Republican, you got to admit that Obama is damaged goods. So Probably Republicans will present their candidate as new and fresh and that leads me to the second one.

What political party doesn't present their candidate as "new and fresh" in an election scenario like this? Even Democrats are going to present their candidate that way.

2. Hillary Clinton. Now I have a lot of respect for her. But her age and her connections to Obama kind of puts her in a disadvantage compared to Marco Rubio should he decide to run. And  don't forget about the Benghazi thing.

Yes, forget about the Benghazi thing. Because it's not a real issue and it's not a conspiracy. If someone had run against Bush in 2004 trying to paint him as the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, they would've been laughed off the stage.

3. Governing Experience. One of the many reasons why we have dysfunction in Washington is because Obama with all due respect has no Governing record. Governor Walker on the other hand has a strong governing record.

This simply is not true, and even the most remote amount of truth in it stems back to the fact that the Republican Congress from 2010-present has essentially blocked anything and everything the President has proposed, leading us to have the most ineffective Congress in decades. Scott Walker has a "strong governing record" because he has a majority in the state legislature.

4. The Republican Party will be much more united then in 2012. In 2012, Romney came out of it bruised and tattered thanks to all the crazy canidates out their. I think that the Tea Party base will warm up to Walker more.

You realize the American electorate is not the Tea Party, right? I hope you do.
4. I know that. But having a united Party behind you gives you some boost in the polls.

What do you guys think ? And can anyone provide a map ? And who thinks should be Walker's running mate should he run ?

I have a few thoughts. First and foremost, your grammar and syntax is abysmal and embarrassing. Second of all, you have absolutely no clue how the American electorate works. They don't want a folksy, Midwestern Tea Party conservative, especially not one that openly hates unions. Third of all, your typical Fox News talking points of "Benghazi!!!" and "Obama has done nothing" are completely stale and will carry no merit come 2016.

Look. I do not support Scott Walker should he decide to run for President. He's way too extreme on Social Issues. This is only a prediction. My next prediction will be that Walker screws up the economy and will get defeated by a Progressive Democrat in 2020. And if you think that I am just some crazy Red Neck Racist from Kentucky, you are wrong. I am a Vietnamese American.

The last two sentences are what do it for me.

[LeBron]

Another jojoju1998 post.

I'll run to replace Senator Boxer in 2016 as a R.

OOC : I have no Idea how this works. Is there some guide that I could read ?

[Antonio the Sixth]

He regularly flirts with Tr'sawn, a 6'2' African American dancer famous around DC circles. Her extreme height help fuel his "I'm an oompa loompa" themed sex kink.

[JerryArkansas]

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

let the states decide

[Simfan34]

I'm not bothered by any particular person using Tinder. I mean, do whatever you like. But I don't want it to become a fixture, a swipe stamping on a human face forever. Apparently it's extremely popular among undergraduates now? My younger brother started using it as a freshman.

[SWE]

Deeply disturbing that this is getting signatures

A 15 year old soi-disant Marxist has problems with a bigger boy who's had sex and everything. Enough of the Junior Anti-Sex League.

[IceSpear]

ink you should gth youstts.

[IceSpear]

Hi, guys.  I certainly didn't mean to sound the least bit racist or bigoted last night.  Although, bigotry is not necessarily a bad thing, but I digress.  The constant probing questions was getting to me and that no one was accepting my answers and leaving it on the table.  I was just trying to make a statement, yet we got led down the rabbit trail.  I'm certainly not a racist as is no one in Oklahoma.  I am appalled by the recent posts continuing to paint Oklahoma as unwelcoming to blacks and gays.  Everyone knows what was said is not true.  We have a big black population in Oklahoma and they are not discriminated against or targeted.  Gay marriage is legal in Oklahoma and most people I talk to outside my own family are becoming more accepting of the gay community.  We don't have to agree with them, but we accept them for who they are.  Sally Kern doesn't accept them, though, and has made headlines this week with a controversial bill.  I like Sally as a person.  She is a great Christian woman and loves the Lord and loves her family, but her views are too extreme for me.  She is so far to the right that she is not even in the mainstream in Oklahoma.  That takes talent.  Anyway, just had to put that out there.  I am not a racist and neither is my state.

[SWE]

A few of my favorites are:

1. Destroying the best healthcare system in the world and lying about it ("If you like your plan, you can keep it")
2. Requiring federal funding of abortions, both in the US and abroad
3. Stifling the recovery by raising taxes on small business
4. Showing utter contempt for Israel
5. Emboldening America's enemies
6. Supporting rioters and rolling back race relations by 50 years
7. Wasting billions of "stimulus" dollars on unnecessary porkbarrel projects
8. Blaming George Bush for everything that goes wrong
9. Taking credit for Bush's accomplishments (Bailouts, capture/killing of Bin Laden, etc.)

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Rising out of his difficult circumstances, obviously.  Growing up in Kenya and all. 

[Joe Republic]

It's a bit bigoted of them to hold such prejudice against fats, but as a wise Reverend once said, "bigotry is not necessarily a bad thing."

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

"Both" would be preferable to him just being a run of the mill member of ISIS.  I wish all the ISIS fighters were more like Bushie, as it would greatly improve the situation in Iraq and Syria.

[Enderman]

Why isn't Napoleon banned?

Because only Nym can ban him, and he hasn't logged on since this was uncovered.  He's on mod review for the moment.

Wait, we put Nym on mod review?

Unfortunate mishap.  Based on past experience with moderators being put on mod review, I can only conclude that it happened because he was making fun of ponies.

[King]

The Onion has an exclusive story on Jindal's cold feet:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bobby-jindal-not-sure-he-willing-to-put-family-thr,37864/

I'm curious as to why he said two month?  I know he is being realistic, but I'm surprised he's not any more optimistic than that.

Oh, wait, that's the Onion...  Dadgummit...

[Joe Republic]

It's time to go on another hiatus.

See you on Thursday.

Good Thursday Morning.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

It's time to go on another hiatus.

See you on Thursday.

Good Thursday Morning.

lmao

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Because jokes are usually funny.

orange you glad I didn't say banana.

[Brewer]

You have forgotten "Having sex", hahahahaha.

[Lief 🗽]

Some of the best jokes are indeed not funny at all.