The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[politicus]

wait wait wait...

what exactly is Jesus going to put Bushie in charge of once he's in Heaven?!

heaven help desk

[Sopranos Republican]

SHUT IT DOWN. SHUT IT THE F**K DOWN NOW.

AT THE CONCESSION STAND


 - I can help you, sir!


 - Oh..... I'll uh, wait for the next one


 - I can help you, sir!

 - Yes, I'd like two large tubs of popcorn, two large Cokes and 2 large boxes of milk duds

 - Actually, I'd prefer a Sprite and not a Coke

 - Oh, that's only my order. You're on your own for your order. My poor bank account and all.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

That last one has me burst out laughing twice in public just at the thought of it. Vox Populi has done it again! That's not even his best work.

[Kushahontas]

That last one has me burst out laughing twice in public just at the thought of it. Vox Populi has done it again! That's not even his best work.

Indeed, this one made me ugly laugh.

[IceSpear]

Classic bronz.

Very few. I've seen the comparison between O'Malley and Tim Pawlenty made several times on the forum and I think it's completely legitimate; tbh, Marty is simply too boring. He doesn't excite people in the charismatic fashion that Warren does, and those who love Warren tend to love her for the populist brand that O'Malley doesn't really carry.

I would love a O'Malley Pawlenty election. They will offer substance.

[politicus]

How did Bushie accidentally have sex?

He tripped and fell while she happened to be lying on the floor using a thighmaster.

[Antonio the Sixth]

In the "so disturbing it's hilarious" category:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=207968.msg4500334#msg4500334

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I haven't been this concerned for my personal safety since a former poster literally said he planned to come to Vegas just to stab me.

I don't know what I would do if Tender Branson announced he was coming here.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

It's also worth noting Nicholas's hilarious last words. The sentence was read out and he turned to his executioners and said "ayy lmao".

[Flake]

Time to do the right thing:

[Flake]

It's time to suck it to the dumb environmental groups and get building.

It's ironic that you call the opposition to Keystone dumb, considering the scientists who study these projects are against it.

Sure, I'd prefer to eliminate oil one day and be totally on renewables, but that's a LONG ways off.
 
Look, the environmentalists have no actual evidence, backed up by a study, that says that Keystone would significantly harm the environment in any situation that doesn't involve a spill, and I've already addressed why the "it's risky" argument is a ridiculous strawman. The pipeline is no longer being investigated by Nebraska Courts. We've had six years to study its possible effects - and it's clearly not the automatic, guaranteed environment ruiner that the far-left would like it to be.

Look I get that it's not some masterful economy saver and I'd like to see serious regulation of any exporting, but neither of those are big enough concerns for any sensible person to be against the pipeline. It's time for Obama to just tell the Sierra Group, and leftist Senators, and everyone else who opposes it to just give up because there aren't even the beginnings of a logical argument against the pipeline.

Obama likes to think that republicans get nothing after their big victory last year. That's not how things should work. Republicans won big, so they have earned the right to get some of their ideas passed, and it should start with this pipeline. Obama's Veto today shows that, at least on this issue, he only cares about ultra-liberal Chris Murphy, Elizabeth Warren, Jeanne Shaheen, and their allies, and doesn't care about what's popular among the people, which is the Keystone Pipeline.

[Ban my account ffs!]

If I'm ever in Minneapolis, I'm going to meet Bird too and check out the local strip clubs.

I think he dictated that post. When I say be all TD that's what I get.

[Ban my account ffs!]

It's time to suck it to the dumb environmental groups and get building.

It's ironic that you call the opposition to Keystone dumb, considering the scientists who study these projects are against it.

Sure, I'd prefer to eliminate oil one day and be totally on renewables, but that's a LONG ways off.
 
Look, the environmentalists have no actual evidence, backed up by a study, that says that Keystone would significantly harm the environment in any situation that doesn't involve a spill, and I've already addressed why the "it's risky" argument is a ridiculous strawman. The pipeline is no longer being investigated by Nebraska Courts. We've had six years to study its possible effects - and it's clearly not the automatic, guaranteed environment ruiner that the far-left would like it to be.

Look I get that it's not some masterful economy saver and I'd like to see serious regulation of any exporting, but neither of those are big enough concerns for any sensible person to be against the pipeline. It's time for Obama to just tell the Sierra Group, and leftist Senators, and everyone else who opposes it to just give up because there aren't even the beginnings of a logical argument against the pipeline.

Obama likes to think that republicans get nothing after their big victory last year. That's not how things should work. Republicans won big, so they have earned the right to get some of their ideas passed, and it should start with this pipeline. Obama's Veto today shows that, at least on this issue, he only cares about ultra-liberal Chris Murphy, Elizabeth Warren, Jeanne Shaheen, and their allies, and doesn't care about what's popular among the people, which is the Keystone Pipeline.

Rush couldn't have said it better.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

What's Myspace?

It's this thing that 14 year old Mexican girls use.

[IceSpear]

Is this one of those times when a harmless, rarely used word in the United States is simultaneously a vile cuss-word in Britain?

[Sol]

  I have been called a troll (and worse) at many forums.  But do you know what the opposite of a troll is?  A fairy.  As in homosexual.  It's too bad that so many people are only interested in homosexual conversation.  But I refuse to stoop to that level.

  There is a concept in this country called "Freedom Of Speech."  I already know that forums aren't obliged to allow it.  But the people who run forums probably personally believe in the concept of freedom of speech.  So for them to deny somebody theirs at their forums is hypocritical.  As well as showing a severe lack of decency, honor and dignity.

  You may have heard of people out there who say, "I may not agree with what you say.  But I will defend with my life your right to say it."  I already know without any shadow of doubt that this is utterly pointless.  But I challenge the people who run this forum to live up to that morality.  Even a little.  Because I have things to say that they and probably you won't like.  But if what you have to say doesn't offend some people, then chances are that what you have to say has no real value.

  It is my intent to debate people here on any point that I make.  Will this forum allow such debate?  It is a certanty that they won't.  But it is always interesting to see how long it will take, and just how feeble the excuse they give is, for them to ban me.

[Sol]

let's talk homosexual, y'all

so i was walking down the street and my grindr app notified me that another homosexual was 100 meters away from me, so i obviously use my sparkling pink boots (i am a #QUEEN) and strut over to the homosexual. now i see he's holding his nifty 2008 north carolina attorney general precinct election results with him, so i obviously think "fabulous!" and go over to talk to him. he's sporting the pink lipstick, and, them fingernails gurl. i see he'd be a fantastic butt buddy, so i invite him to the starbucks, he says "okay girlfriend" and we drive over there on my gay pride float. i feel like beyonce rn #flawless

(All of this is a made up storyline (if you haven't noticed already) because you're an attention seeking idiot)

[Enderman]

Somebody shut his sucker DOWN!

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=208057.0

but more specifically, this:

Atlas, a place where Bushie has had more sex than most

Atlas, where Eastern Ukraine is more socially conservative than the western part

^Atlas is where Eastern Ukraine is socially conservative and western Ukraine is economically conservative

[Antonio the Sixth]

"Atlas Forum, where t_host1 is seven ages for the severed economic thrust up while even my HAIR seeks restitution for the horrors of this regime."

[politicus]

Looks like the smear campaigns ("you lock up people, especially DAVE, in basements), mobbing ("you are the KRAMPUS") and misinformation ("Google-Gate") against me apparently did their work.

It didn't have to be this way.  Since you have Dave locked up in your basement, you could have just ordered him to hack the code for the forum, and make it look like everyone voted for you.

Maybe you were too busy googling underage Koreans to think of that plan?  

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

[IceSpear]

I'm too wise now to fall for that.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Cuomo. I'm not sure how many laws Boku no Pico would violate in the U.S.

Surely fewer than Cuomo

[King]

The most pragmatic center right Republicans need to reach across the aisle to the pragmatic far right Republicans and hammer out a compromise that all Republicans can support. Americans are tired of the partisan division. Republicans or Republicans, we are all Republicans, and they need to remember that rather than focus on labels that divide us.

Really, this is a leadership failure on Barack Obama. As President, it is up to him to lead the Republican Party and, for some reason, he has show no interest in doing so.

wut? Not everyone is a republican, and Obama is the de facto DEMOCRATIC leader.

[politicus]

Florida is the mentally challenged offspring of a nasty tryst between the Confederacy and Cuba, who was raised in a foster home by a well-meaning but smothering Jewish Mother from the Tri-State Area and her real estate developer husband.