The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[IceSpear]

I am also 100% sure that Oklahoma is the greatest state in America.

[Brewer]

With or without context:

Silvio O. Conte came to me in a dream (normal).

[windjammer]

Dem results:

Clinton 60
Biden 14
Warren 12
Sanders 5
O'Malley 1
Webb 1

So since PPP's last Wisconsin poll in April 2014, Emailgate has made Hillary gain 3 points. HAHAHA

But...but...but...this was teh worst scandal ever! It would DESTROY HER!!!!!!!! HOW CAN THIS BE!!!111111!!!!!??!?!?!?!? This must be skewed. Clearly the group that conducted push polls for Warren is biased in favor of Hillary. It's the only explanation.

[IceSpear]

Hillary Clinton: Goldwater-supporting communist war hawk who wouldn't send troops into Benghazi. She's too elderly and feeble to lead, too tech savvy and calculating to be trusted. Too weak to command respect of enemies, too mean to make friends. She's accomplished nothing but is the cause of everything.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I... just... can't...

t_host, I've recently inherited a large sum of money. Do you have any advise on how I can invest it? You are the wisest economic sage I know, so I will trust your advice.

 Well, thank you. I’m sure you understand by now that the state believes that your inheritance does not belong to you because you and your family did not build that wealth. Assuming you have met all of their tax requirements and believe in handing over unearned income to a 3rd party for enrichment, I would recommend you rethink that endeavor first.
 
 Long term, look local: Having money means you have the time to learn and study the things that you see and understand, and then create/invest into those.
 Short term, get in first on REIT’s, they’re the dividend least regulated pyramid scheme/game going. I heard that a group of Vegas casinos are organizing to split assets and gambling, it’s a crap-shoot, might work.
Or, keep your powder dry (money) safe and wait and play the rate race, cash is king.
Keep in mind that this is free....

[LeBron]

Poor Checkpoint Charlie!

Crist considering.

I take it back. Give me DWS.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Seriously, it appears on the right, just next to the "Quote" button.

It's telling you to ignore hockeydude.

Click for context.  LMAO.  Well played, droid.

[King]

from henceforth Jeb Bush should now be known as The Other Bushie

I'm not a Hillary supporter in the least (unless the other Bushie (not me) is her opponent)

[MATTROSE94]

Bernie Sanders is already basically a baby squirrel for all intents and purposes.

[Small Business Owner of Any Repute]

There is no "Dadaist theater of the absurd" thread so I'll just put this here

Dear t_host1,

I'm concerned that my sister-in-law is spending too much time at our house, but I worry that if I say anything to either her or my wife, I'll be hurting either of their feelings.  What should I do?

Sidelined in southern Nevada

 Sidelined,

 Your disposition and comfort zone compliments you. Think of it as you being a signatory of the Obama Brother’s Keeper Program. Marriage, family, in time, the memories’ become golden. Meanwhile, make the most it, like, when doing your weight lifting regiment, ask sister to pull your finger for comfort adjustment.

[Joe Republic]

Put it this way; I was not disappointed.

[Antonio the Sixth]

There is no "Dadaist theater of the absurd" thread so I'll just put this here

Dear t_host1,

I'm concerned that my sister-in-law is spending too much time at our house, but I worry that if I say anything to either her or my wife, I'll be hurting either of their feelings.  What should I do?

Sidelined in southern Nevada

 Sidelined,

 Your disposition and comfort zone compliments you. Think of it as you being a signatory of the Obama Brother’s Keeper Program. Marriage, family, in time, the memories’ become golden. Meanwhile, make the most it, like, when doing your weight lifting regiment, ask sister to pull your finger for comfort adjustment.

christ

[King]

The Way of Jao

[Oakvale]

Socialism is Kaldor-Hicks

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Mohamad has been banned for spamming advertisements.

Islamophobia

Je suis Atlas forum.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

I agree with Gustaf about a sex-related topic (!!!!!!!).

Literally everything you can do with boobs you can do with butts.

I would never ever ever suck on a butt.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

humorous for readers of Update, context unnecessary:

I voted Kenya because I'm confident Italy will win anyway without my vote,  and because African countries simply don't get enough love here.

[Sol]

Virtue Rewarded.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

First impressions happen tomorrow

please shave the mustache then

The meat manager also has a mustache.

All the more reason for you to shave yours.  Otherwise, you'll be stuck inside bad sitcom plots in which you keep getting mistaken for the meat manager, and are asked to make managerial decisions that you're unqualified for.

[Sol]

He rivals Lydia Davis:

Absolutely none.

By 13 years old, I found myself disgusted with the whole slang/hip-hop/Slim Shady culture. To me, it screams culture cringe and culture subversion.

No hoodies, no slang, no baggy pants, no fist bumps, no vibrating rap music, ect.

Perhaps that's why I am the way I am, given that was already 15-20 years ago.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Absolutely none.

By 13 years old, I found myself disgusted with the whole slang/hip-hop/Slim Shady culture. To me, it screams culture cringe and culture subversion.

No hoodies, no slang, no baggy pants, no fist bumps, no vibrating rap music, ect.

Perhaps that's why I am the way I am, given that was already 15-20 years ago.

[Sol]

Absolutely none.

By 13 years old, I found myself disgusted with the whole slang/hip-hop/Slim Shady culture. To me, it screams culture cringe and culture subversion.

No hoodies, no slang, no baggy pants, no fist bumps, no vibrating rap music, ect.

Perhaps that's why I am the way I am, given that was already 15-20 years ago.

[Lief 🗽]

I'm receiving advice on Facebook which has been proven time and time again to be some of the best advice I can ever receive.

[King]

does a lot of fitness in Italy

[retromike22]

Uh, Standing up for your rights is. Ever seen the bicep on that solidarity fist?