The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[King]

If Bush is the nominee, I hope a Nigel Farage candidate emerges for a third party run.

[Maxwell]

Hopefully Hostettler will run and save the Indiana GOP from Mourdock Part II.

Hilarious!

[Türkisblau]

Have to admit that "From Hope to Higher Ground" is an excellent slogan.

And an important policy for a Huckabee administration that won't believe in climate change.

[Joe Republic]

I have predictions of another kind, although mine are way too obvious:

1.  Someone will say something like "Remember, in 1992, the exit polls famously declared Labour the winner."  I have two problems with this:
     a.  This person won't mention that there have been 4 elections since then, nor will anyone do an analysis of how accurate the exit polls have been since then.
     b.  If you look at the video, you'll note that the first BBC announcement in 1992 actually predicted that the Conservatives would be the largest party, not Labour.  (Although, to be fair, the exit poll did completely miss that the Conservatives would get anywhere near a majority.)

2.  The news media will spend much of the first hour reporting on some voting irregularity, such as missing postal votes or people being turned away when the polls close.  The media will go on and on about how this can't be allowed to happen in a functioning democracy, and then they will promptly forget about the topic for the next five years.

3.  Someone--probably Shirley Williams, if she's still alive--will confidently predict that their party is winning in Cardiff Central, Buckingham, Dundee East, Ohio, and Mars.  Some of these predictions will be slightly optimistic.

4.  Politicians of all parties will attempt to explain how it's morally impossible for their opponents to form a government.  In particular:
a.  Labour politicians and their allies will demand to know how David Cameron can possibly stay in office one minute longer, when the voters have clearly rejected both him and his coalition partners by robbing him of his majority.
b.  If Conservatives get the most votes and/or seats of any single party, they and their allies will demand to know how Labour could even consider trying to form a government when the people clearly prefer the Conservatives.
c.  Whatever the placement of the top two parties, I predict that those on the Right will demand that Ed Milliband immediately denounce any possibility of any agreement, formal or informal, with any party that might threaten to break up the United Kingdom at any unnamed date in the future.  (Unless, of course, the Conservatives think they have a chance of forming a coalition with the SNP, at which point they will recognize how wonderful the Scottish people and culture are, mentioning how they look forward to working with the duly elected representatives of a people who are such an integral part of the UK.)

[Zanas]

http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/alberta-election-2015-ndp-sings-for-joy-harper-s-caucus-like-morgue-1.3063472

Some CPC MP has resorted to calling their biggest stronghold "Albertastan". Keep on insulting the electorate, eh?

The actual -stans (Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, etc) are oil-rich kleptocratic one-party states which maintain their power by rewarding cronies and resorting to a combination of patronage, fear-mongering, and vote-buying to win elections.

Wait a minute...

[IceSpear]

My son used to be a libertarian, we took him to god and he finally understood. Pray the Libertarian away worked. His "liberomo" friends came over and tried to do liberomo things with him. Now he sits in his room with tissues and lotion. Tissues for the tears of missing Rand, and lotion to cover the windows with so the government drones can't peek in.

[Joe Republic]

Question for those more familiar with UK politics: why is Scotland so liberal and how long has it been more liberal than England?

Immediately followed by...

Goddamn americans.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

I was expecting something more like this:

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[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Freedom Decision. When we have users exhibiting clear signs of mental illness, it's probably wise to at least give them some time away from the forum.

Without mental illness this forum would not exist.

That's not a very nice thing to say about Dave.

[Bacon King]

me whir nerd mad  me hate woman  me can't stand this bitch

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Bernie Sanders can't win rural whites.

[All Along The Watchtower]

Florida is basically the envy of the nation right now.  Job growth is skyrocketing. Population is growing. 

[Mopsus]

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Why would whites vote MORE Dem??? When the trend is the other way. If whites in MS fear losing power, they will vote GOP at close to 90% not 80%.

Also in state races and for US Senate the GOP has gotten up to 35% of the black vote.

Even likeable Thad Cochran last year didn't get 35%. And Republicans maxed out with white vote. Very slowly, but more and more whites will adapt to the idea that elected Black (most likely)  Democrat as Senator (or Governor, for that matter) is far from being "apocalypsis". They already adapted to large number of Blacks not only voting, but sitting in Legislature... It will take considerable time (that's why i think about 2040-45), but it WILL happen.. If Thomas Pickens Brady would be resurrected now, only 40 years after death - he would, probably, be so amazed about what happened in his beloved Mississippi, that he wouldn't have any non-profane words for it...))))

Trent Lott use to get 35%. But the GOP doesnt need that much to win every election. 15-20% will do.

Source?

I guess if you dont like the stat you can demand the source. But people quote numbers here all the time and no one asks for a source. So your demand is arbitrary and capricious. Lott use to get 35% of the black vote and if you dont like it tough

[MATTROSE94]

He will just campaign in jail. Already Sabato has a predicted map
As you can see the swing vote of Officer Pruski, and Officer Anderson may make the difference. As Ness and Lockpick O'Leary are staunch non-cigarette tax voters. And of course Gibson O'Leary with his hardcore progressive ideals with his own rattled political dynasty. The Incarcerated Black and Latino vote have already expressed support for the Democrats, it is an uphill battle for Christie in Newgate Prison 2016.

[free my dawg]

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CO-6 2012 Results:

President: Obama +5
U.S. House: Coffman +2

CO-6 2014 Results:

Governor: Hickenlooper +3.5
U.S. Senate: Gardner +3.5
U.S. House (against an excellent democratic nominee): Coffman +9

If that doesn't demonstrate great ability to win over swing voters, I don't know what does.

For all the praise that Gardner still gets in terms of his strength as a candidate, he was effectively generic R. His narrow statewide margin showed that he didn't win because he was "republican jesus", he won because of:

1) The wave
2) Udall's terrible campaign
3) Local media being in the tank for him

You take any of those away, and Udall wins. Seriously.

If the CO GOP wants a gardner-like candidate who needs a lot of luck to win, Scott Tipton is the one. But if they want a candidate that not even the 2012 climate could take out, Mike Coffman is the guy to choose, and the only reason the atlas dem mentality says he isn't a great candidate is because they know he's a great candidate and think not admitting it will make him less great.

[Enderman]

Context somewhat needed:

It should be mentioned that, along "I voted" stickers, each voter receives a complimentary vomit bag. This lovely gesture is in use for making the voting process more comfortable for willing participants nationwide.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Also I just can't imagine a metal band ever including an insert like this in one of their records:



or any metal lyricist willing to call out himself for sexist behavior like in this song. Because this is EXACTLY the type of stuff that I saw people on metal forums make fun of in their "haha let's all laugh at those PC idiots in hardcore" threads that I saw reported on some of my forums all the time...

5. That kind of direct, painfully earnest disclaimer for one's own irony generally functions as ass-covering for doing the irony poorly. Honestly, I'd be with the metalheads in making fun of this, only in my case it'd be for its form rather than its content.
6. It also reads like an excerpt from a Dr Bronner's soap bottle.
[...]

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Greatest post ever

The left has no self control. Look no further than OWS. They had good ideas, some with popular support. But they werent really interested in financial reform. They were consumed with hatred for the USA. They would rather riot, plot bomb attacks and crap on police cars.

At their heart, the left hates the USA and wants to dismantle it. Coastal elite liberals will go for this, but not middle America liberals. Which is why the GOP if they can stop being the part of the C of C and support more populist economic policies, will get 70-75% of the white vote. The near unanimous support for TPA by the GOP shows they have a way to go.

[SWE]

Anyone else sick of Computer09 stating his opinions as black and white facts in the tone of someone who literally bought and read a history textbook to gain all of his understanding?

Anyway, Grant and Coolidge are underrated.  Wilson and LBJ are overrated.

Most of my American History opinions came from a history textbook.

[Türkisblau]

Anyone else sick of Computer09 stating his opinions as black and white facts in the tone of someone who literally bought and read a history textbook to gain all of his understanding?

Anyway, Grant and Coolidge are underrated.  Wilson and LBJ are overrated.

Most of my American History opinions came from a history textbook.

This is too hilarious. Can't be real.

[King]

youre mentally ill.

[RFayette]

I'm sure all the left-wingers on here would be ecstatic that that neoliberal warmonger bitch was defeated by a true champion of the people and non-intervention like Scott Walker.

[#CriminalizeSobriety]

Worse than something phwezer would post? Man, you've failed.

[Beet]

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That's what I mean by in your face. Their celebrations have to be public. What is the purpose other than to taunt people?

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Neither, marijuana wasn't banned yet so they wouldn't even need to become libertarian in the first place.