The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Mr. Smith]

Why do black olives come in cans, but green olives come in glass jars?
Racism! just another example of the darker ones being oppressed!
I need sleep...

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Most of Atlas prefers to force mothers to have their babies so terrorists have more Americans to kill. Not the least bit surprising.

[Ebsy]

Doesn't the body just shut down when it's legitimate child molestation?

[🦀🎂🦀🎂]

American liberalism sure is in sorry shape when you guys are actively trying to claim the biggest liberal hater of 20th Century American politics as 'the last liberal President', or whatever this insane exercise is. No, Richard Nixon's first term was not good, and neither was his second. Nixon was a criminal of the highest order whose actions resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of people in Southeast Asia. Nothing else that he was forced into enacting by the mass social movements of the time comes close to making up for the fact that he was a war criminal by any measure.

Dec 25 1991 is one of the best day in history as the Soviets fell that day

[Antonio the Sixth]

1) partisans spend all their time attacking the other side. Didn't they know George Washington didn't like political parties?

2) if David Cameron was in the USA, he would be too left-wing for the Green Party nomination. I know this because healthcare.

3) Nixon was the most successful socialist in US history. This is because he created the EPA and landed on the moon, notoriously socialist activities.

4) we should legalise weed.

5) politicians don't like understand us. They should earn minimum wage, so they can understand us better.

6) the GOP should become fiscally conservative, but socially liberal (like me lol) if it is to survive

7) the Democrats should become socially liberal, but fiscally conservative (like me lol) if they are to survive.

Both parties are the same nowadays and don't stand for anything. They are also too far apart and unwilling to compromise with each other.

9) we need a third party

10) we should legalise weed.

[IceSpear]

CrabCake is on a roll.

This map should make my feelings on the aforementioned poster extremely clear:

[Antonio the Sixth]

All I wish to add to this discussion is that 'Rusty Hicks' is the perfect name for a union boss.

[Landslide Lyndon]

I'm pretty sure OC speaks English as a 2nd language.

What's his first language?

1001101011

[IceSpear]

Now that Pataki and Santorum have formally entered the race, will they get a bump in the polls?  If they each moved up to 1%, that would be an infinity per cent increase in their support.

[IceSpear]

Colorado is Safe R with Hillary on the ticket, but remember she is far from inevitable. If O'Malley, Sanders or Warren win the nomination they could make it a tossup.

Pennsylvania has been heavily trending for the GOP recently, expect it to be lean R in 2016.

If Ben Carson is the nominee, expect DC to become a swing contest. His unique appeal to African Americans is not to be underestimated.

Kentucky, West Virginia and Arkansas are now tossups with Clinton in the running. They could even move to Lean D if Webb is the nominee.

Either Rubio or Bush will sweep California, New Mexico and Florida on the back of a Hispanic wave. Hispanics only ever vote on immigration and are otherwise ready to support the Republican Party.

Carly Fiorina could also win California, that home state appeal is strong.

Chris Christie's moderate image will allow him to reclaim New England for the Republican Party.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

Just waiting to sing "Everything is Awesome" on November 9th 2016.

[Oakvale]

cc: Sulfur Mine

I'm with Ben Franklin on this:

”Those Who Sacrifice Liberty For Security Deserve Neither.”

thats deep. i never thought of it that way

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

What about Scott Brown?

[Mr. Smith]

Context:

I demand to know where Hillary Clinton was when this accident took place. Also, we need to see any and all emails sent before, during and after the accident. What is she hiding from us now?

[Landslide Lyndon]

He's the Secretary of State, not a race horse. He's not about to be put down, Winfield.

[Donerail]

Then we can all watch the Bush/Kasich/Paul/Pataki/Ehrlichslide in the general (Hopefully Republicans don't nominate someone besides these five)

Note: at this point I'm assuming Wulfric is an elaborate parody of a moderate hero. No real human being could use the word Ehrlichslide, right?

[Ebowed]

On the contrary, I really get all the ladies when I want (turns out fros are a real magnet),

[Enderman]

Context:

It looks like a doughnut company's logo.

"O'M NOM NOM"

[Antonio the Sixth]

This is mostly funny out of context. In context, it actually makes sense and is a pretty good post. Still:

(ERROR: VAGINA NOT FOUND)

[Antonio the Sixth]

democrats claim they are pro-"stuff". Yet, they simutaneously state they are against other "stuff". How can these damn hypocrites be for some things and against other completely different things??? You can't explain that inconsistency, huh?

[Joe Republic]

I wish to formally request that this Bureau be re-dedicated to CrabCake.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Socialism is the color of dried nosebleed.

[Ebsy]

OR, just like WI and NH will always stay within 5 points with the GOP candidates, with the Dem ahead.

The same timber voters like in MN and Ia, that flirt with GOP, makes it that way. Aside from Portland metro.

Can we ban OC already?

[Illuminati Blood Drinker]

Cathcon is, as always, a magnificent son of a bitch.

Write-in: AIDS

That's a de fact vote for both, as you're pitting Miss Fancy (and/or Aunt Nancy) who could have easily fallen victim to it were he in the 1980's against the man who allowed the AIDS epidemic to spread. Tough choice.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Because while social conservatives tend to dislike the gay/lesbian/bi part of LGBT, they are actively horrified by the "T" part of it.

 ...no, Bruce Jenner is nothing more than the millennial shock jock of their current ill(s).

 It appears to me that the John Edwards “2 Americas’” by-line is evolving to a new definition and, since SCOTUS relevancy is becoming more of a joke of its own reality, like a pretzel, definitions do have meaning.

 AS for Bruce Jenner political decisions, the ballot box has no discern till counting time, however, when he straps on one of those apple watches and clicks he’s a woman, well…  apples response will be “pretzels”.