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Author Topic: The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival  (Read 237461 times)
Illuminati Blood Drinker
phwezer
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E: -9.42, S: -7.30

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« Reply #775 on: June 17, 2015, 05:03:10 AM »

idgi Huh
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Bacon King
Atlas Politician
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E: -7.63, S: -9.49

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« Reply #776 on: June 17, 2015, 05:23:01 AM »


Tesco got caught putting horse meat in those
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SUSAN CRUSHBONE
a Person
Junior Chimp
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« Reply #777 on: June 17, 2015, 05:42:35 AM »

you gotta be kidding me. hillary beat jeb?  tell me you are serious,  have you heard about the email situation,  her tenure as secretary of state...not one mention of that period @ the state department,  wonder why? maybe the poll data she's getting is telling her it's toxic, what other attributes can she call on? hmm!  her honesty & trustworthy nature,  nah! her warm personality? not! her husband bill,  maybe...but i think not. her record of accomplishment, er what record?  her incompetence knows no bounds (e.g. health care fiasco during hubby's presidency) & even using her position at state department to help her brother's has blown up in her face. jeb for his part has a record of success in florida...tax cuts & education reform,  his outreach to the hispanic community, is a true testament to competence and skills earned in the private sector. he doesn't need a relative to bolster his chances, unlike someone else we both know.  doesn't hide away from the media on a habitual basis.  jeb bush can lock down florida, he brings that to the table. he can hold texas in a general election (cruz & perry territory), kentucky (paul) & arkansas (huckabee ) so hillary, when you come down to it, is a more iffy prospect & the idea of her being inevitable is ridiculous.

(emphasis added)
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Enderman
Jack Enderman
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« Reply #778 on: June 17, 2015, 04:31:39 PM »

Jeb Bush should be the first president to have multiple Vice Presidents (knowing the sheer awesomeness of the one and only Jebbers, I bet he could find a loophole somehow) :

-VP 1: Marco Rubio, in order to appeal to Hispanics
-VP 2: Ben Carson, in order to appeal to African-Americans
-VP 3: Carly Fiorina, in order to appeal to women
-VP 4: Barry Goldwater, in order to appeal to Jews who vote for non-Jews with Jewish-sounding names
-VP 5: John Kasich, in order to appeal to Ohio
-VP 6: Jeb Bush, in order to appeal to Florida
-VP 7: Bob McDonnell, in order to appeal to Virginia
-VP 8: Cory Garnder, in order to appeal to Colorado
-VP 9: Joni Ernst, in order to appeal to Iowa
VP 10: Brian Sandoval, in order to appeal to Nevada
-VP 11: Kelly Ayotte, in order to appeal to New Hampshire
-VPs 12 & 13: The Koch Brothers, in order to appeal to the Koch Brothers
-VP 14: Dave Leip, in order to appeal to the peoples of Atlas Forum
-VP 15: Small children, in order to appeal to Dennis Hastert and Catholic priests
-VP 16: Hillary Clinton, because she deserves it
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Bacon King
Atlas Politician
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Posts: 18,822
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E: -7.63, S: -9.49

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« Reply #779 on: June 18, 2015, 07:19:52 AM »

classic naso

I don't think anyone here is "against" transgenderism. What does that even mean?

Who the ****  knows and who the **** cares? These people are ****ing insane. Off the deep end.

But my "traditional values" are extreme, right?

Do your "traditional values" include the traditional Navajo Nadleeh (3rd gender)?

No but they include the traditional 3rd gender of Wally Gator.


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True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)
Ernest
Moderators
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« Reply #780 on: June 20, 2015, 10:53:16 PM »

If the Dems automatically get 47%, this is the 41% that automatically goes to the GOP, plus the additional 6% that won't respond to the polls because polls are obviously used by the federal government to brainwash innocent American citizens and they know that.

That 41% includes 36% of Democrats and 41% of Independents.

Romney Democrats
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Antonio the Sixth
Antonio V
Atlas Institution
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E: -7.87, S: -3.83

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« Reply #781 on: June 23, 2015, 03:39:40 AM »

Instead of having to go through a controversial vote on this, wouldn't it be easier for everyone if there were, say, an accident.

Sometimes, when you're just taking a smoke outside the South Carolina Capitol, and you know, you just happen to flick your cigarette 30ft into the air, and sometimes, some kinds of fabric just happen to react, you know?  Especially when somebody else just accidentally splashed kerosene on it while climbing a nearby ladder, but I mean, how on earth are you supposed to prepare for terrible coincidences like that?
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MATTROSE94
Junior Chimp
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E: -5.29, S: -6.43

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« Reply #782 on: June 23, 2015, 11:35:24 AM »

I can vouch for this.  In my social circle, we regularly sing songs, or write poetry, about the fabled exploits of Gov. Haley.
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Anti Democrat Democrat Club
SawxDem
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« Reply #783 on: June 23, 2015, 04:27:14 PM »

If the shooting actually happened, his punishment should be having to watch racial cuckold porn on rerun forever. But, I'm of the opinion that this whole thing was a false-flag. Way too many things don't make sense about this incident. The kid had a black friend who said he never said anything racist, the FBI "just happened" to be having an active shooter drill in Charleston on the exact day of the "shooting", and the victim's family members just look like terrible actors. Seriously, how are you going to tell me that their family members were just slaughtered?

Not to mention, this story conveniently checks all of the boxes on the agenda of government control.

Justification for gun control? Check.
Justification for govt control of the Internet ("I wasn't raised racist, I became radicalized online!")? Check.
Justification for defining domestic citizens as "terrorists" ("this shooting was an act of terrorism, it's absolutely critical that we recognize and describe it as this!")? Check.

And to top it all off, the family members of the "victims" are being given $29 million by the Federal government. You seriously think they would give that much just to "help them recover"?

I could be wrong, but this whole thing just seems way too sus.
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RR1997
Sr. Member
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« Reply #784 on: June 23, 2015, 04:46:16 PM »

Jet fuel can't melt black churches. Wake up sheeple.
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Mr. Smith
MormDem
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« Reply #785 on: June 24, 2015, 03:37:37 PM »

Three girls once walked into my room while a picture of IceSpear kissing Hillary Clinton was on the screen. As a result, I literally had to alt-tab as quick as I could and act like they walked in on me looking at porn - because let's be real here, it'd be much easier and much less shameful to explain.
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Ebsy
Junior Chimp
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« Reply #786 on: June 24, 2015, 05:13:12 PM »

There's a 5.8% chance of him being a FF and 94.2% chance of him being HP. Now, I am not calling him a HP. You cannot attack me for this because this is NOT an opinion nor is it a prediction.
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Anti Democrat Democrat Club
SawxDem
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« Reply #787 on: June 26, 2015, 05:29:30 PM »

Not so fast kids. Two of your side should've had to recuse. Traditional Marriage and the rights of the states win 4-3
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Mr. Smith
MormDem
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« Reply #788 on: June 27, 2015, 06:10:51 PM »

It's never too early to pick Hillary!

Sincerely,
Hillary '08 supporter

Also, Al Gore is looking old.

He looks like he has aged 30 years since the 2000 election.

Well, he was elected President by the American voters.
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SUSAN CRUSHBONE
a Person
Junior Chimp
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« Reply #789 on: June 28, 2015, 03:45:56 PM »

This issue is not settled. 4-3 Traditional marriage wins because the advocates of marriage supremacy (gay marriage) have no honor in recusing over conflict of interest.

In that case the vote is 1-0 in favor of marriage equality as everyone besides Kagan has had a heterosexual marriage, creating a conflict of interest.
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Sprouts Farmers Market ✘
Sprouts
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Posts: 14,751
Italy


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E: -4.90, S: 1.74

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« Reply #790 on: June 29, 2015, 08:04:39 AM »

I've been offered a job in Madison. This would allow me to simultaneously check two boxes off my bucket list: get a new job, and leave Houston.

I'd like to see Atlas Forum change its policy and not allow people to change the user names.
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Joe Republic
Atlas Legend
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« Reply #791 on: June 29, 2015, 10:17:36 PM »

John Tyler was widely considered top 10 when he left office

Well, when he left office he was by definition in the top 10, so that doesn't tell us much.
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Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook
The Obamanation
Junior Chimp
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« Reply #792 on: July 01, 2015, 01:01:57 AM »

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Badger
badger
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« Reply #793 on: July 02, 2015, 04:02:42 PM »

The "pick an Atlas roommate" thread

Gramps, but only if he already had a paid caretaker. I've got stuff to do, I can't be changing catheters all day.

Haven't laughed that hard in days. Grin
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Anti Democrat Democrat Club
SawxDem
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« Reply #794 on: July 03, 2015, 01:41:44 AM »

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Mr. Smith
MormDem
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« Reply #795 on: July 08, 2015, 11:37:29 AM »

On the subject of whether the U.S. flag:

Represents a country comprised of humans. As such, it's irreversibly tainted. Horrible flag.
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Anti Democrat Democrat Club
SawxDem
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« Reply #796 on: July 11, 2015, 05:33:15 PM »

I've got a groundbreaking business concept: I want to produce state-shaped dildos for politically interested nerds!
Which states do you think should I choose as models? The most obvious choices are, of course, California, Oklahoma and Florida. (And to be honest, acting as butt plugs is the only reasonable role those states could ever have).

But what state shapes could be else used for dildos? Do you think Nevada would be too hardcore?
Do you think Minnesota could be used as a stretching tool? And Ohio as an anal ball?

I always have an open mind about new ideas.
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Beet
Atlas Star
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« Reply #797 on: July 12, 2015, 10:36:25 PM »

Look, guy, I'm sorry that you care more about the feelings of beltway hacks like Jonah Goldberg and Charles Krauthammer than you do about the well-being of working Americans who are desperately crying out for a champion, who understands them and their issues, the working Americans who can't write a $5 million check to Jeb Bush's Super PAC every time they need something. These people have no voice, and Donald Trump is finally, FINALLY giving them one. Donald Trump is the great American success story. He worked hard, got great grades, and then he went out and made a fortune, a tremendous fortune, a fortune that bozos like you probably won't even be able to understand when he releases his disclosures. Unlike Bush, who is an unemployed loser, let's be frank, Donald Trump isn't beholden to anyone. He's not going to open the borders and let in another forty million illegals like Jeb's idiot brother did, just because the Wall Street fatcats told him to.
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Maxwell
mah519
Atlas Star
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Posts: 28,459
Germany


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E: -6.45, S: -6.96

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« Reply #798 on: July 12, 2015, 10:38:49 PM »

Damn it, I was coming over here to post that.

I read the fortune part of it as Donald Trump, it made it even funnier.
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True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)
Ernest
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« Reply #799 on: July 13, 2015, 07:50:47 PM »

The same party as Centrist Zionist Nazis.

I'm pretty sure that this already exists and is called the Likud Party. 
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