The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Goldwater]

It's extremely offensive.  I much prefer to use the term 'niental'.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

If I were sober parts of this post would actually really upset me but I'm not so they're funny

Why are you so against Catholics? Many of your ancestors were likely Catholics. Even the WASPs weren't this obsessed with hating them.

Not "likely", at least 25% were. That I have some Catholic ancestry is something I've never hid, in fact I've emphasized it, why would I care what my ancestors were? I have Catholic, mainline and evangelical  ancestry. How can I identify with any of those "culturally" being that mixed?

In this case I wouldn't want to be mistaken for something non-liberal.

Hah! American Catholics are very liberal! You should see my grandparents!
Heck, even by you, it was the east Iowa Catholics that delivered the state for our heroic President.

But save your breath..women priests...yada yada...gay marriage...yada yada...Ingress in church...yada yada yada

See you can flippantly mock those things but the fact is they are very important to me. And far more important to me than "OMG CULTURE" or ethnic heritage. That doesn't matter in 2015.

I'll say more when I'm off mobile.

Alright, here's my elaboration.

The Catholic Church is obviously not liberal. So why would or should someone liberal stay in it? The only response I've heard is just some rambling about "culture and tradition".

Well I can't comprehend this. Seriously I just can't. It's like trying to get your calculator to divide by zero. It's also somewhat contradictory, since value of tradition is a cornerstone of conservatism, why would someone with liberal politics remain attached to conservative traditions (this includes Columbus Day by the way) because of conservative reasoning? After all maybe the reason I can't comprehend it is because I am so liberal.

But there's something about me that's a bit deeper in regards to that. And that's my scene, yep my music. Which so many mock and flippantly disregard. Here's what I think those people don't understand: This is not just about music. For example, see the description of the fest here. That's just one example. Many people in the scene have done crazy things and sacrificed big time for it, and it's all for the community we share. There's countless band speeches and zine articles writing about why go on tour. It's very emotionally draining, it doesn't make the bands tons of money, and if they just wanted to have fun playing music they could easily do so at home without having to sleep on the floors and couches of people they just met in person that day. It's a community that requires a very high level of commitment unlike Taylor Swift fans. I have many stories of things I've gone to some big lengths for for the scene, including going to Dude Fest, wasn't easy or cheap! This is a popular scene tattoo (yes it's a lyric):



So here's the thing: I know that people in the scene will be accepting, and not full of bigotry or reactionary politics. I can't say the same for someone who just happens to share the same ethnic background as me. Who do I have more in common with, an Italian-American who goes to hardcore shows in NYC, or some Swedish-German in the Twin Cities suburbs who has never been to a show?

So imagine I were Italian-American from a Catholic family. What reason would I have to care about that? Why would I march in a Columbus Day parade or go to a Catholic mass on Christmas/Easter (assuming I was only that type of Christian) instead of a progressive church that might share my values? Why would I care more about that instead of my progressive values and my community in the scene? The people I actually associate with, do things with, and have sacrificed for, and had some of them do so for me. That binds people FAR more than just having happened to have ancestors from the same country.

And your flippant dismissal actually shows why I adhere to SJW values. Because those things matter to me because they matter a lot to other people. What about a woman born into Catholicism who wants to be a priest/pastor but can't without leaving the church? What about people who are gay born into it? To them I say: Leave. As many do. After all if your culture and heritage doesn't match your values, then it DESERVES to be thrown away.

And the scene culture IS the most respectful and positive one I've ever encountered. For example note this record insert:


So for that, I will stand for something. I will not stand simply for sharing a similar genetic strain to someone else.

[they don't love you like i love you]

...which parts?

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

...which parts?

'To them I say: Leave. As many do. After all if your culture and heritage doesn't match your values, then it DESERVES to be thrown away.'

Yes yes I know you'll probably point out that I am technically Episcopalian but there have been things going on in my religious life lately that might lead me in directions you would definitely not approve of.

[Simfan34]

...which parts?

'To them I say: Leave. As many do. After all if your culture and heritage doesn't match your values, then it DESERVES to be thrown away.'

Yes yes I know you'll probably point out that I am technically Episcopalian but there have been things going on in my religious life lately that might lead me in directions you would definitely not approve of.

This sounds good!

[they don't love you like i love you]

I know this is a cliche but I think the phrase "fitting a square peg into a round hole" fits well for someone whose personal values are just too incompatible with any aspect of the culture they were born into.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I know people have said that before but...

This has to be Peak BRTD.

[politicus]

With or without context:

On the other side of the political spectrum, the Free Raspberry Ripple and Knickerbocker Glory Party gets a surprisingly high 9% of the vote; the cause of this is believed to be the anger about Jeremy Corbyn's refusal to pledge to nationalize the ice cream industry.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

I doubt Sanders would be progressive enough to go as far as to endorse interspecies relationships.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Jerusalem is obviously a great tune, but I personally can't take it seriously ever since someone told me that the appropriate answer to it is "no, no, no, no and get it yourself".

[Crumpets]

Context: Do Biden and Sanders need each other?

They're probably decent friends.  Maybe even occasional buddies.

But a relationship?  I think that's really going too far.  I think these girls are more Joe's type anyway:

[Antonio the Sixth]

oh for god's sake

[Landslide Lyndon]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=221550.0

[Sumner 1868]

I like the Rand Paul version myself:

Hi my name is Rand Paul and I have short brown hair like Ann Rand (that's how I got my name) with short back and sides that reaches my mid-neck and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Murray Rothbard (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Les Paul but I wish I was because he's a major f.cking hottie. I'm a libertarian but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a Senator, and I go to a magic school called Congress in America where I'm in the second year (I'm fourtynine). I'm a Republican (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love the Tea Party and I get all my talking points from there. For example today I asked if people would like it if the government forced everyone to buy broccoli. I was going on about the Commerce Clause and the New Deal. I was walking outside Congress. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of dems stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Rand!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Barack Obama!

"What's up Barry?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

[Thunderbird is the word]

Can't find the exact quote here but in the "who would fictional characters vote for" thread somebody said that Sonic the Hedgehog would vote for Gary Johnson because Johnson would "let him run wherever he wants."

[#CriminalizeSobriety]

How about you don't be a finksing narc and you go off to your Zumba class and listen to Jimmy Buffet or something, mom.

[Thunderbird is the word]

How about you don't be a finksing narc and you go off to your Zumba class and listen to Jimmy Buffet or something, mom.

Jimmy Buffet? Nobody listens to Jimmy Buffet except for frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the south!


https://youtu.be/FUXK53PGFi0

[they don't love you like i love you]

It's amazing how much wrong there is with that post as its quite short.

[Figueira]

From the same thread (context):

I want to see former Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry to be considered as well. He has been undervalued in the party, and he should be considered for vice president.

Yes but if Hillary picks him, Gov. Mary Fallin will replace him as former governor with a Republican.  Personally I don't want to see Former Governor Sally Kern (R-OK) any time soon.

[Figueira]

CrabCake once again reminds us why this thread is named after him:

I used to quite like coloured socks, but have recently been buying black ones for the sake of utility (no need to match them, if they're all the same). So that's one issue I'm more conservative on. I'm more liberal in my choice of pizza, because I used to only have pepperoni, but now my palate has expanded and I often get anchovies, capers, artichoke, mushrooms etc.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

...which parts?

'To them I say: Leave. As many do. After all if your culture and heritage doesn't match your values, then it DESERVES to be thrown away.'

Yes yes I know you'll probably point out that I am technically Episcopalian but there have been things going on in my religious life lately that might lead me in directions you would definitely not approve of.

So you are basically a totally average Episcopalian

I'm only half joking, but BRTD had contempt for the WASP heroes.

That's not at all what I'm getting at.

[Mr. Morden]

OC non sequitur comedy in this thread:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=222374.0

[they don't love you like i love you]

OC non sequitur comedy in this thread:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=222374.0

Isn't that basically all of his posts?

[DavidB.]

Tbh I and others have made the answe many times on both Atlas forums, a collective wealth of words that has been ignored by Atlas's "community" of neckbeard rapist misanthropists, a community consisting soley of you, you piece of human trash. Responding to reasoned argument isn't fun for a little drip like you, I guess, so you continue to breather on as if you are the world's densest most impenetrable being. I don't buy that act, you inbred POS. Jump in a lake and logoff forever you useless loser.

Even when making personal attacks Crab is hilarious XD

[🦀🎂🦀🎂]

Tbh I and others have made the answe many times on both Atlas forums, a collective wealth of words that has been ignored by Atlas's "community" of neckbeard rapist misanthropists, a community consisting soley of you, you piece of human trash. Responding to reasoned argument isn't fun for a little drip like you, I guess, so you continue to breather on as if you are the world's densest most impenetrable being. I don't buy that act, you inbred POS. Jump in a lake and logoff forever you useless loser.

Even when making personal attacks Crab is hilarious XD

Lol thanks. That was done partially under the influence (but at least I didn't go "full politicus").