The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Figueira]

I don't think New Hampshire costumers are representative of the state as a whole. They're less likely to buy into Trump's rigged economy shtick, since they're be getting more and more business as Halloween approaches.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I read it. I don't understand how my 'bitching about it'--i.e. expressing that I'm unenthusiastic about this candidacy rather than shutting up and saying three Hail Cecile Richardses or whatever it is you think I should do instead--concerns you in any way.
 . . .
Saying that somebody is 'bitching and moaning' is not 'talking about their motivations'. It's just being miffed that we're not saying our requisite Pater NSAters. The neoliberal future is already so bright you've gotta wear shades; why the hell do you need us to make it brighter?

[Joe Republic]

That was essentially unreadable.

The correlation between Nathan's perception of the intellectual gap between himself and his debate opponent, and the level of pretentiousness he employs against them, is near perfect.  I suppose it's an effective strategy, as anybody reading it must just assume that Nathan won the argument.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

That was essentially unreadable.

The correlation between Nathan's perception of the intellectual gap between himself and his debate opponent, and the level of pretentiousness he employs against them, is near perfect.  I suppose it's an effective strategy, as anybody reading it must just assume that Nathan won the argument.

1. Repeatedly say that I have no sense of humor and lead a 'gray life'
2. Insult me when I make jokes and puns that I enjoy and find funny
3.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

God bless the freiwal! Such a beautiful freiwal, folks, like none you've ever seen. And it's going to grow BIGGER in the next few cycles, BELIEVE me.

So what are you saying ..... that the Firewall just got two feet higher ?

BUILD THAT WALL... BUILD THAT WALL!

We're gonna build a 322 EV freiwal.  AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE REINCE PRIEBUS PAY FOR IT!!

The wall just got 5 EVs bigger!

[Sorenroy]

Guys, he's just trying to reach out to women.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Our resident Russian troll proves to have a sense of humor:

Noone knows how Trump' lewd video  was obtained. I'd like to clarify the situation: it was leaked on Putin's order.
I understand that most of Americans consider Trump  to be Putin's favorite and strongly believe that the Russian president's aim is to help Trump win the election. They are badly mistaken. Putin's intention is to make a mess of the election, to show the whole world how unstable is the USA,  how inadequate are its leaders. Trump being finished,   his next move is to kick off Clinton .  In a couple of days a new leak about Clinton will take place that will provide convincing evidence of her ties with terrorists sufficient for her indictmen. Clinton  will envy Trump's fate. 

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Ugh just spend two hours labouring over a Shepards pie- I remember now why my cocking doesn't extent beyond Pasta

[Antonio the Sixth]

Let the record show that BRTD called jfern an FF before Gully Foyle said that Hispanic was a race on the census!

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Another one!

Ftr, resume alone doesn't make one automatically "qualified"

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Another one!

Ftr, resume alone doesn't make one automatically "qualified"

I was originally going to do Pontius Pilate, but I couldn't find an image of him (without Jesus also in it) that was immediately recognizable enough.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Nathaniel- perhaps from a film? Gary Oldman or the guy that looks Polish from "Passion of the Christ" could do.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context:

That alone would make her presidency worthwhile, yes.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

No, I do not wish brain-death on anyone.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Context

Discuss with maps

Haha

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Unintentionally funny, but funny regardless:

Here is the best-case 2018 scenario:

R+16

And, the best case 2016 scenario is R+1 (NV the only flip), but that would probably put Trump over the top, making this 2018 map impossible, so we will use 2016 being EVEN (with Kirk losing) as a benchmark.

That gives us a Senate for the 116th Congress of 70 Republicans and 30 Democrats, plenty enough to override any veto.  But, this would require us winning literally any conceivably winnable race.  With that said, the 10-seat margin of error is promising to me!

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Really want Teachout to be stopped. Makes me sick when an extreme progressive moonbat wins a swing seat. The bright side is that they are easier to knock off.

Agree, But the same is true when ultra-right winger wins swing seat. Ultra-rightists and ultra-leftists have more then enough possibilities in "safe" seats. Swing seats "belong" to reasonable moderates))))))

I'm tempted to make a joke about those half-dozen parentheses, your obsession with reasonable moderates, and bronz's obsession with soothing Midwesterners.

Do it. And i will make a joke about "progressive obsession" - absolute confidence that only they know what's right, their unsatiable desire to "make happy" all other people (even when these people absolutely don't ask for their "help"), and number of other "progressive features". The "idealistic left" is second category i dislike most (after fanatic right)....

P.S. The only question - what for??? I like progressives in progressive districts, conservatives - in conservative, and moderates - in swingy. IMHO - that's much more natural then somebody's desire to get everything, and then "to show much favor" (according to OWN standards) reputedly "to all"))))))))

[Joe Republic]

The stock response to "is your campaign okay with sexual assault?" seems to be "we're gonna get ISIS".

Maybe they'll mix the two subjects soon...

"we'll grab ISIS by the pussy!"

[evergreenarbor]

This is incredible. I cannot believe it. My friend just called me on the phone, and he was telling me, mindcracked, you've got to hear what people are saying. Now let me explain something, this guy—you'd know who it was if I told you his name, tremendous expert, studies words for a living, and has many friends in the Trump campaign. This guy, he was saying you would not believe what I'm seeing here, it's incredible, unbelievable.

He told me that, just recently, people are saying Donald Trump snorts cocaine. Disgusting drug. Pure, uncut Columbian cocaine. You would not believe it. But people keep saying it. And old Snifflin' Don, what has he done? Nothing. Si-lence. If all these people—good people, honest people—are saying that he's doing this certain drug, cocaine, and Snifflin' Don won't say anything, there must be something to it.

But Trump supporters, or as I like to call them, paid Putin stooges, who are trying to rig this election for Snifflin' Don by the way. All these supporters of his, they can't shut up about it. They're saying there's no sniffling this, there's no cocaine that. Look, I get it, he's their guy and they've got to cover for him. So my friend—here's the incredible part—he's looking at all these people who are just asking a question, and all these furious Trump people trying to shut them up. You've got one group saying Trump snorted cocaine before the presidential debates, and the others saying he didn't. But, let me ask you, where do these Trump supporters choose to get their polls after the debates? "The Drudge Report." Folks, I've seen some stupid polls before, but "The Drudge Report" has to take the cake. Where do they come up with this stuff? So my friend, who studies words, who knows words, he said "we've got to dig deeper on this."

And this is the unbelievable part. Too huge to be a coincidence, people are telling me. He puts the words "The Drudge Report" into his computer and runs a program on it. What else can these letters spell, he asked it. The first result—you aren't gonna believe it—the first thing his program tells him is that these letters spell:

"the reported drug"

So "The Drudge Report" equals "The reported drug," i.e cocaine. You heard it here first folks. You can't make this stuff up. Unbelievable. No wonder Snifflin' Don doesn't want to touch this. And if their guy didn't snort cocaine before the debates, why are all his people running to the site with "The reported drug" in its name? We've got to get answers.

[Joe Republic]

Note: This question is only for Trump fetishists (supporters)

Lately my dog has been sweating really badly lately and I'm not sure what to do. I was wondering how you all were dealing with this?

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

did anybody see the title and think Torie had founded a really niche dating site?

[Landslide Lyndon]

Voters under 30 in UT...

McMullin: 33%
Clinton: 27%
Johnson: 15%
Trump: 13%
Stein: 2%

Trump is in 4th with kids in Utah?

Don'the worry. In ten years, he'll be dating them.

[Crumpets]

Voters under 30 in UT...

McMullin: 33%
Clinton: 27%
Johnson: 15%
Trump: 13%
Stein: 2%

Trump is in 4th with kids in Utah?

Don'the worry. In ten years, he'll be dating them.

Stupid auto-correct. This is what I get for trying to post from a tablet.

[Landslide Lyndon]

Voters under 30 in UT...

McMullin: 33%
Clinton: 27%
Johnson: 15%
Trump: 13%
Stein: 2%

Trump is in 4th with kids in Utah?

Don'the worry. In ten years, he'll be dating them.

Stupid auto-correct. This is what I get for trying to post from a tablet.

I didn't put it here because of the grammatical error, I thought it was actually funny.

[Maxwell]

I think political correctness is a big problem in this country so I don't care if Donnie's offended by SNL making fun of him.