The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Oldiesfreak must have been thinking of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Arrogant, cocky jerk, who will predictably be a hero of the usual suspects around here.

You two weren't around for his original incarnations. You can't judge him without that.

If he was anything like he is now, I'm glad I wasn't. Why isn't he banned for being a sock, by the way?

I really hope someday in the year 2024, you wake up to a beautiful sunny morning, grab your morning espresso, open up your macbook that weighs like 12 oz, and start to browse Atlas only to find that someone who registered ten months ago is calling for you to be banned.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I recommend seasonal music to accompany Update:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Bushie gave to me:

•   12 jobs a-failing
•   11 excuses boiling
•   10 hours sleeping
•   9 pins a-falling
•   8 bowls a-gorging
•   7 games a-watching
•   6 dinners attending

•   5 GOLDEN CORRALS!

•   4 ex-fiancés
•   3 church groups
•   2 sad dogs
•   And a sack of unused walking gear

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

"Both" would be preferable to him just being a run of the mill member of ISIS.  I wish all the ISIS fighters were more like Bushie, as it would greatly improve the situation in Iraq and Syria.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I don't believe so.  I believe the Antichrist will come from Europe.  Plus, outside of the United States, Jordan is Israel's biggest ally which is odd since Jordan is an Arab country.  One of the requirements for the Antichrist is he must hate Israel.  King Abdullah likes Israel, so he's out of the running.

the people who spout this kind of theology are baffling. (Bushie's just spouting back sh**t he's heard as best he can -- as do most conservative low-church protestants) any reading of Paul (they usually prefer Paul to the Gospels) shows that he degraded the concept of the redemption of Israel as (what we would call) a nation-state... Israel "triumphant with God" now cuts across the traditional Jew-Gentile boundary, Gentiles 'grafted in' as descendants of Abraham.  how could the post-1947 Israel nation-state have any theological significance?

I think it's mostly based on a decidedly non-literal interpretation of Revelation.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

First impressions happen tomorrow

please shave the mustache then

The meat manager also has a mustache.

All the more reason for you to shave yours.  Otherwise, you'll be stuck inside bad sitcom plots in which you keep getting mistaken for the meat manager, and are asked to make managerial decisions that you're unqualified for.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

? Wasn't intended to be a humorous post.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

My phone is also a Galaxy S4.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

My phone is also a Galaxy S4.

Ah... but I actually have an S5. I keep on making that mistake for some reason.

Not a big deal as there's fundamentally little difference between the two.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Anyway Candy Crush can be fun. I don't ever pay for it but it's a welcome distraction waiting for the bus or on the light rail or waiting for an Ingress portal to cool down.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

...which parts?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I know this is a cliche but I think the phrase "fitting a square peg into a round hole" fits well for someone whose personal values are just too incompatible with any aspect of the culture they were born into.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

It's amazing how much wrong there is with that post as its quite short.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

OC non sequitur comedy in this thread:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=222374.0

Isn't that basically all of his posts?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

The weirdest thing about that is the states Sanders wins.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

The weirdest thing about that is the states Sanders wins.

You mean my "Southern minority turnout high for Sanders" joke was lost on everyone? Oh well.

West Virginia?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Not as bad as the other ironic Republicans, who constantly say ridiculous (and evidently false) statements like "Bush is an electable moderate", "the Republican base would never support universal healthcare", "The future of the GOP is libertarian", "Rubio is presidential and definitely hetero" etc. merely to get a rise out of people. I mean, jeez, drop the act already.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

About Me

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[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

obvious context needed:

He should move to the FL panhandle - they evidently like him there.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Literally Beet right now:

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

"Opinion of Prince"

Some of his music was good, some not so good.  I never liked "Little Red Corvette" very much.

For some strange reason, I always thought he was black.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I'm so, so, so sad the "Oldiesfreak is black" meme died down.

Not quite. Read the first post after that one in the original thread.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

10 Things That Prove Christianity and Islam Are Basically The Same Religion


1. Jesus and Muhammad were Middle Eastern dudes...


2. ...who received messages from GOD...


3. ...who were always getting themselves into situations...


4 ...and died in their books.


5. Their followers wear funny hats...


6. ...and kill each other sometimes...


7. ...and they don't all really like gay people...


8. ...and despite their grievances...


9. ...both religions promise happiness and paradise for everyone.


10. Okay, not everyone.


(Thanks, DC.)

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

His reasoning is bizarre too. Who cares if the VP nominee is Catholic?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I've come to the conclusion that Hillary Clinton to Bernie Sanders IS the acceptable Overton Window. Absolutely nothing to the right if her or to the left of him is acceptable in any way. Actually come to think of it that sums up "all liberal all the time" pretty well...

I put it in the Bad Posts thread, because I feel like this fits better there.

I think it fits in both, with the caveat that the comedy is obviously unintentional.

Obviously unintentional?