The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Vichy regime as OK, but the Vicky regime was awful.

Truly

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

I'm relatively confident NoVA can sweep Peebs into the Governors mansion

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

So... a regular poster on the Atlas forum, who announced his campaign for 2016 about ten years ago, won a state in the nomination process for the nation's third largest party.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Your Obsession With Maggie Hassan Is Unhealthy: A 2020 Mini-Timeline
November 8, 2016: Trump has won New Hampshire. Ann McLane Kuster has been defeated by 2014 candidate Marilinda Garcia. Frank Guinta and Kelly Ayotte have won re-election. Chris Sununu has picked up the open Governorship. In her concession speech, Maggie Hassan announces that she will not run for President in 2020. Despite all this, you are still obsessed with Hassan running for President in the year she decided not to.

Donald Trump (R-NY) / Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) - 292/47.3%
Former Secretary Hillary Clinton (D-NY) / Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) - 246/47.4%
December 8, 2018: Former Governor Hassan re-iterates that she will not be running for President. You still aren't convinced, while literally everyone else is.
January 18, 2020: Going into Iowa, the Democratic field has been narrowed down to five.
Senator Elizabeth Warren (MA)
Governor Gina Raimondo (RI)
Senator Tim Kaine (VA)
Senator Mark Warner (VA)
Senator Martin Heinrich (NM)
June 16, 2020: The Democratic primary ends with no presumptive nominee.
July 15, 2020: Trump is renominated, but with Jeff Sessions retiring, he picks 77-year old Newt Gingrich.
July 22 - 24, 2020: No candidate is victorious at the DNC. The voting goes on for 16 ballots before former Governor Hassan is reluctantly drafted as the nominee. In her so-called acceptance speech, she announces that being nominated, she will not run, and if elected, she will not serve, instead endorsing Amy Klobuchar for the position. They misunderstand this, and nominate Klobuchar as VP.
November 3, 2020: As predicted, due to the one-way race, Trump sweeps.

President Donald Trump (R-NY) / Former Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA) - 535/66.8%
Former Governor Maggie Hassan (D-NH) / Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) - 3/32.7%

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

One of the best! I really don't think he deserves a single negative vote here. I can't see what the justification would be.

Also:

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Is there some famous person or TV/movie character named Tim Turner?

sup bruh


 no, but seriously, Massive FF, great poster.

That's Timmy Turner, there's a difference.

What's the difference? Haven't you ever seen Timmy Turner use Dave's Redistricting App? He loves doing that offscreen!

"I wish New Hampshire had smaller precincts!"

*Gets run over by angry women*

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

220 years down the line, they'll come out with a hit musical titled "Hillary", detailing Clinton's career and how it came to an abrupt end in a fatal duel with her longtime rival Dick Gephardt.

You mean Jerry Brown?

The twist in the 3rd act is that they were both characters in masks played by Al Gore.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Why are you bringing Enver Pasha into this?

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Kal is so skilled at good old-fashioned Atlas humor... The sheer dominance of this thread by him is proof.
Not even a sock of Groucho Marx could dethrone him! (though he could convince Dave to unban Snowstalker)

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Kal is so skilled at good old-fashioned Atlas humor... The sheer dominance of this thread by him is proof.
Not even a sock of Groucho Marx could dethrone him! (though he could convince Dave to unban Snowstalker)

Why would anyone want Snowstalker unbanned?

The sock of Groucho Marx is powerful to persuade!

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

There actually has been a rumor that Tammy Baldwin is likely to announce a switch before the new Congress is sworn in.