The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Crumpets]

Context: Do Biden and Sanders need each other?

They're probably decent friends.  Maybe even occasional buddies.

But a relationship?  I think that's really going too far.  I think these girls are more Joe's type anyway:

[Crumpets]

Instead of using the wrong bathroom, cross-dressing, and pumping your body full of the wrong hormones, get a therapist.

Funfact: Most of them recommend gender transition for those who fit the criteria for Gender dysphoria.

That woman who thought she should have been "born blind" found a therapist willing to pour drain cleaner in her eyes. Does that make it any more ethical?

"get a therapist"
"well most therapists recommend transitioning"
"who gives a shıt what therapists think"

lmbo

[Crumpets]

There seem to be new socks named Nebraska and Nebraskas.

Indeed. They have been muted.

Yet another -- username TNVolunteer.

EDIT: Yet another, username Assemblyman CXSmith

This is only the tip of the iceberg. I have it on good authority that Torie is in fact a sock for irregardless, who has worked tirelessly for over a decade to infiltrate the highest levels of Atlas.

If you don't hear from me after this, know that I tried to warn everyone!

[Crumpets]

*2006 me falls out of my time traveling backyard oak tree*

Me: What the #*@(?
2006 me: Oh hi Ginny! I didn't think this would work! I'm here! Wow, this is a nice garden.
Me: Thanks. What do you want?
2006 me: This is important. I don't have much time - Did that Obama guy actually run for president?
Me: Oh yes, and he won too, and in a whiny fit, the GOP brought the govt to a halt for the next 6 years!
2006 me: Wow, that's terrible!
Me: Hey, can you hand me that shovel and quick lime over there?
2006 me: Sure, here you go. What's it fo...

*thump*
*crack*

me: Sorry ginny, can't have another me running around out here getting into trouble. I have a good thing going here!

*steals past me's shoes*
*begins digging shallow grave in garden bed*

..... 4 months later .....

me: This tomato is delicious! I never thought time traveling humans would make such great fertilizer!

[Crumpets]

he means article 12 of the u.d.h.r.:

You must be logged in to read this quote.

the stubby-fingered rapist is gonna cede the u.s.'s sovereignty to the united nations, guys, you heard it here first #wakeupsheeple #(((globalist)))insheepsclothing

[Crumpets]

At this rate, I'm just waiting for the story where pigs fly.

Wait no more:

[Crumpets]

This just in: Trump says charity was 'just being sarcastic' when it paid for his legal problems

[Crumpets]

Voters under 30 in UT...

McMullin: 33%
Clinton: 27%
Johnson: 15%
Trump: 13%
Stein: 2%

Trump is in 4th with kids in Utah?

Don'the worry. In ten years, he'll be dating them.

Stupid auto-correct. This is what I get for trying to post from a tablet.

[Crumpets]

Still can't help feeling the media will find a way to blame Clinton for this.

Well she was first lady at the time it happened. Why didn't she stop it? She's had 30 years in politics to stop child rapists, and what has she done? Nothing. This shows that Trump understands child rape. He alone knows how to fix it.

[Crumpets]

[Crumpets]

Context: Colorado Republican congressman leaves his own town hall early

Allen West made it clear that he was packing heat at his town halls. I went to almost all of them. They were brutal, ugly, nasty affairs for everyone unfortunately involved.

rofl

Sounds a lot like Hobbes's description of life in a state of war.

[Crumpets]

Absolutely no context needed, (sorry LLR):

I usually get Asian women...

[Crumpets]

Context: Have you met another Atlasian?

Yes, Sunrise.

when

in the morning, duh

[Crumpets]

Context: The "How many siblings do you have?" thread

I think this should be merged with this thread.