The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

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So much for Sanders having trouble raising enough money to be competitive. Hillary is not inevitable! Start crying, IceSpear!

This news is so cataclysmic for IceSpear, that it burned a hole in the spacetime continuum, and led to him leaving the forum weeks ago.

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Context:

Scenario B: Go back in time 100 years.

Our time machine took us to 1912. Lets see how they voted. Oh, they both voted Republican. Must have been a Republican landslide or something.

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1 (normal)

Context needed.

First time being posted here, yay!

But this post from the same thread really needs to be here:

Would it have voted for Obama or Romney in 2012? Are they more fiscal conservatives or moderate populists? What is the emoviolent scene like?

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From the same thread (context):

I want to see former Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry to be considered as well. He has been undervalued in the party, and he should be considered for vice president.

Yes but if Hillary picks him, Gov. Mary Fallin will replace him as former governor with a Republican.  Personally I don't want to see Former Governor Sally Kern (R-OK) any time soon.

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CrabCake once again reminds us why this thread is named after him:

I used to quite like coloured socks, but have recently been buying black ones for the sake of utility (no need to match them, if they're all the same). So that's one issue I'm more conservative on. I'm more liberal in my choice of pizza, because I used to only have pepperoni, but now my palate has expanded and I often get anchovies, capers, artichoke, mushrooms etc.

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WWIII would probably help shift the narrative to national security, which could only help Rubio.

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I support the free market.  Whatever you want and can afford is what you get.  You pay for only your own health care, or give to charity if you are so inclined.  Health care should never be considered a right.

Good to see one of our resident sociopathic teenage white boys bequeathing his wisdom onto us.

"Ugh, lazy bums who want healthcare from the government. Why can't they just ask their parents for coverage like I do?"

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https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=228549.0

All of Vox Populi's posts in this thread, as well as Castro's post.

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Context

I attended plenty of Socialist Alternative meetings a few years ago.

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I'm not really sure where to put this, but it was funny, so I'll put it here.

For context: Ten years ago I was 12 years old in sixth grade and I was a big fan of the Apprentice.

[2006 me steps out of DeLorean]
2006 me: Hey! Wow, your hair is super short!
Current me: Yeah, it's not pleasant to go backpacking with hippie hair.
2006 me: You go backpacking? That's so cool!
Current me: Mhm. Plus, in the next ten years, you get to travel all over the world, so that's pretty awesome.
2006 me: Wow! I can't wait. So, you should be just about to graduate college, right?
Current me: Yep. UW.
2006 me: Ugh! Barf! UW, really?
Current me: Well, it was either that or St. Andrews in Scotland.
2006 me: YOU COULD HAVE LIVED IN SCOTLAND AND YOU STAYED HERE? I HATE YOU! Oh, and that reminds me, you know how Harry Potter ends! Is it awesome?
Current me: It's pretty great, yeah. Plus, they're still doing some stuff with the series, like they're making a movie of Fantastic Beasts and a play about Harry's son.
2006 me: Ooh. That's cool. How has the world changed? Are there any new inventions?
Current me: Well, you know that phone that Apple's making? They've made a bigger, worse one that everyone thinks is great. Also, they have these electric skateboard things that everyone seems to like. Electric cars have gotten way better. Also, MySpace has been replaced by a different site called Facebook which is much less creepy. Oh, and there's a thing called Netflix now, where you can watch pretty much all of your TV shows whenever you want without having to buy the DVDs.
2006 me: So, pretty much the same?
Current me: Yeah, but I think we're supposed to be talking about politics, which have gotten really interesting.
2006 me: More interesting than Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face?
Current me: Well the election this year is probably going to be between Hillary Clinton and - get this - Donald Trump.
2006 me: OH MY GOD DONALD TRUMP?! That's awesome! Who are you going to vote for?
Current me: Well, Trump's running on this freaky platform that involves punishing women for abortions, deporting all undocumented immigrants and their families, and banning all Muslims from entering the country.
2006 me: What? Donald would never do that!
Current me: I think he's kind of playing a character to get votes.
2006 me: Yeah, probably. So what else has happened?
Current me: Well, gay marriage is legal nation-wide and we have a black president.
2006 me: Wow, really? So, is everybody just like hunky-dory with everyone else and there's like no social conflict?
Current me: No. Gay rights just became way more mainstream around 2012-2013, and the Supreme Court made it nation-wide last year. Obama (that's our president) ran in 2008 against Hillary Clinton, who everyone thought would win, but managed to pull out an upset. Then the economy collapsed in the fall, and he won pretty easily on economic and Iraq War resentment. He made Hillary his Secretary of State in the end.
2006 me: So, is he a pretty good president, then?
Current me: He's gotten better. He started off with complete control of the legislature, but only managed to pass a healthcare law. Since then, Congress has gone back to the Republicans, but he's actually managed to get through some small but decent reforms in the past few years.
2006 me: So he won re-election in 2012. How did that go.
Current me: Not a super interesting election. There was a funny bit when the Republican, who was this super rich guy, got caught on film saying that half of America has no sense of personal responsibility and think they're victims because they're poor.
2006 me: Ha!
Current me: Oh, and Bush's brother also ran for President and did terribly in the primary.
2006 me: Not surprising. Isn't he super conservative? I can't imagine the Republicans voting for someone that right-wing.
Current me: No, he actually lost because he was seen as too moderate and weak.
2006 me: Wow. So, how did the wars go?
Current me: Well, Obama ended the war in Iraq, but then Syria had a civil war and this group called ISIL formed as a merger between Al-Qaeda and a couple other groups and have taken over a bunch of Iraq. Fortunately it looks like they're kind of on the retreat right now. We did manage to get Bin Laden, but he was in Pakistan all along, and actually in a city right down the street from a military academy and not in a cave in the mountains.
2006 me: Haha. Really? Anything else interesting going on the world?
Current me: Well, Putin discovered his inner Napoleon and has invaded two countries in the last eight years.
2006 me: Dang.
Current me: But on a good note, we're normalizing relations with Cuba, and you actually got to go there.
2006 me: Oh man, that's awesome. And North Korea and Iran?
Current me: North Korea gets the bomb, but hasn't really done anything with it. Kim Jong-Il dies and is replaced with his weird son. Iran has a bunch of protests in 2009, but they don't really amount to anything. They get a new president in 2013, who's a lot better than Ahmadinejad and we just negotiated a deal with them on their nuclear program, so that good. Also, one thing you probably don't see coming is that there's a huge wave of democratic protests in the Arab World in 2011. 
2006 me: Oh, so it's like 1989 all over again? That's great!
Current me: Not quite. In Tunisia, it's been pretty smooth, but Egypt has had like two or three revolutions and is under a military dictatorship now, the President of Syria gassed his own citizens, Yemen's an absolute catastrophe, but Libya managed to overthrow Gaddafi in a civil war (with some help from NATO) but they're still pretty much at war amongst themselves.
2006 me: Yikes, well, at least it sounds a bit better than it is now.
Current me:  There's also a problem from all of the refugees from these conflicts coming into Europe. The far-right groups have been really playing on people's fears of terrorism and have been doing scarily well.
2006 me: That's not good. How far right are they?
Current me: Meh. They're not Hitler-Mussolini levels of bad, but they're way to the right of Cheney and Bush.
2006 me: I don't even know what that would be. So, the world's just about as bad off as it is now.
Current me: Yeah. But I'm pretty optimistic. It's not like we're going to war with China, and Russia's just kind of being petulant right now. Terrorism still exists, but it doesn't have the constant fear-inducing nature that it did in the 2000s.
2006 me: Okay. Well, at least we haven't gone to nuclear war, and that's all you can really ask for, right?
Current me: Yeah. Well, I guess that's about it. Oh, and before you go, one last thing!
2006 me: Yeah?
Current me: Middle school can be terrible. Be nice to your friends, since they're pretty much all the same friends you have now.
2006 me: Sounds good! Bye! [Flies off in DeLorean]
Current me: Why didn't they have time-traveling, flying DeLoreans when I was in middle school?

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Our resident genius just predicted the outcome of the 2094 election in NJ!

If he can't  win NH or Iowa, he wont win and NJ, in a close election in 2094,  was D+6.

There aren't any regularly scheduled Senate elections that year in NJ if I did the math right. Does OC know something we don't!?

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The current HUD secretary looks a lot like the congressman for TX-20.

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Guys, getting your ass handed by Lyndon doesn't justify this bizarre obsession. Just ignore him and quit spamming the Bureaus and Mines. It's getting embarrassing.

I mean, it goes both ways, but I have to agree.

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Guys, getting your ass handed by Lyndon doesn't justify this bizarre obsession. Just ignore him and quit spamming the Bureaus and Mines. It's getting embarrassing.

Lyndon has never handed anyone his or her ass.

Yeah, I should have clarified, I don't agree with that part.

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Context: Opinion of Louisiana

Needs more shrimp and rice and less vegetables/spices in their gumbo. Also responsible for the best beignets in America. Obvious FF.

I want to talk to the chef! This gumbo is a ripoff! Mr. JBE, where are the jobs shrimp?!

Thanks for posting this directly into this thread.

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Fiorina lied, my laptop died!

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STOP WRITING HIS NAME anything IN CAPITAL LETTERS

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The entire last page or so of that thread can be posted here honestly.

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Tossup between Graham and Underwood. Lean Graham, due to his being real.

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I'm afraid the cultural Marxists will have you thinking otherwise. They're slowly encroaching on Warsaw: my proof? The party PiS. If you replace 'p' with 'c' you get "cis", the word for someone who is not trans (I.e. Which with the best of efforts from the Euroferalists, will be a majority by 2030). There are 12 letters between 'c' and 'p', the same number of letters and punctuation marks as there are in the common expression "transgender!". So really electing that "right-wing" government was just a trap (like transgender people trap straight men into becoming gay and lesbians into becoming straight). I'm sorry, but you can't deny such clear evidence of the Marxist takeover of Poland.

Also it's 2016.

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I'm relatively confident NoVA can sweep Peebs into the Governors mansion

I'm imagining someone stepping into NoVA and then immediately getting sucked into the air and transported to Richmond.

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Crumpets: Sup, God?
God: Yo, sup?
Crumpets: Do you know what would be great? Give a bunch of people no powers except free will, but tell them you'll torture them for eternity if they use it for bad, and they get to live with us if they're good.
God: Dude, that's just sick... I love it!
Crumpets: Okay get on that!
[3500 years pass]
God: Argh! Overslept! I wanted to do that whole "humanity" thing. Ah, well. I guess I'll just cobble some things together this week. What's the worst that could happen?

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The best part about that post is that I'm pretty sure that Ljube is one of the only non-ironic Trump supporters on this forum.

The line between ironic and unironic Trump supporters has been blurry for a while. I think some people aren't even sure which one they are.

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^A little late?

It's never too late for bashing NH.

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I hear that a record 7.4 billion people won't be attending this convention.