The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Joe Republic]

Nah, Bushie does get his beef in.

[Joe Republic]

This thread is about what's next though.

The Obamas and Joe Biden visit the state in a highly publicized campaign event for Landrieu. Barack proudly declares Mary Landrieu to be a vital ally, reminding the audience that Obamacare wouldn't have passed without her vote, and Michelle accidentally calls her "Molly Langrove". Biden makes an offensive gaffe about Cajuns.

[Joe Republic]

Too much cold after heavy snowfall Buffalo,NY just stuck the life.

[Joe Republic]

The government is spying on us through webcams and gaming systems, particularly the XBOX One. Thus I have my webcam covered with masking tape and refuse to purchase a gaming system. If I ever disappear it will likely be due to the government.

[Joe Republic]

Got a problem with MIT, eh?  Not surprised; if you had been built there instead of Northwest Arkansas Institute of Technology, you probably wouldn't be quite so buggy.

 Ya no, IF; the thing about theories, for sure in this case, we’ll never know. Do I have any regrets… hum, my buddy and I, HS senior law class thought we were a couple wisenheimers – wasn’t helpful, at all. It was a couple of years later learning the why. Do I want to recall the details? No, todays been depressing enough already  I’m tired   

[Joe Republic]

An another German?
Cool
Welcome!

A familiar phrase for some of you, eh?

[Joe Republic]

[Joe Republic]

0315 - Wake up
0400 - Watch the official birth of 2015 in Kiritimati, Kiribati.
0515 - Get Ready for Work
0700 - Drive to Work

[Joe Republic]

Does Bushie hate his grandma so much that he wants to leaver her all alone for New Years so he can witness Vorkuta ringing in 2015 live from his bachelor pad in Tulsa?

Also, how does one watch Kiribati's New Year's celebrations (which, presumably, are nothing extraordinary)? Does any normal TV channel in America still cover that kind of stuff? Does Bushie's cable package include Kiribati national TV?

She will be in bed by 1830 or 1900 regardless if I'm there or not.

My "celebration" of Kiritimati (and every other time zone until New York) will be simply watching their clock turn to midnight on the World Clock at www.timeanddate.com.  I can also see the map traverse across the world from east to west all day on New Year's Eve.

Although, I would enjoy seeing all the civilized places and see how each individual culture ring in the New Year starting with New Zealand at 0500 Oklahoma time, then going to Sydney, Guam, Tokyo, Beijing, Bangkok, India, Abu Dhabi, our troops in Afghanistan, my Kenya kids, Israel, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, London, Rio, the peach drop in Atlanta, Chicago, Denver/Albuquerque, Las Vegas, Eskimos, and Maui.

"All the civilised places"

How is he supposed to watch the Dark Continent ring in the new year when they don't even have television cameras with which to broadcast their heathen voodoo dances? Thank goodness his missionary friends are taking on the White Man's Burden so that one day people in Oklahoma may, from the comfort of their trailers, watch Africans ring in the New Year as Jesus intended.

[Joe Republic]

Huh?  Memphis is great.

[Joe Republic]

Memphis is objectively one of the worst posters here.

Incorrect.

But you guys are all religious, so I can understand why you would subjectively think so.

[Joe Republic]

Other than religion, the only other issue I can think of that Memphis would upset anybody over is gender issues, and we all know that Grumps is far worse than him on that.

[Joe Republic]

I'd bother to respond, but:

(a) I can't quite tell when you're going to stop editing your post (or deleting and reposting it) for long enough for me to do so.
(b) I didn't really read it, tbh.
(c) This is meant to be the comedy goldmine.
(d) I just don't care enough.
(e) It's Christmas Eve.

[Joe Republic]

At the very least, I think it's time to relinquish my name from the placard over the door of this fine bureau.

[Joe Republic]

Have sex with a woman

This goes in the deluge. Deeply disturbing.

Exactly.  This is the Atlas Forum.  You either have sex with men, or not at all.  Mainly the latter.

[Joe Republic]

Perhaps there is a strong inverse corelation between how well one knows Jeff and whether or not one is allowed to be his facebook friend. Maybe all of the encouragers on fb are just the random people from high school whom we all have on our faces, for no particular reason. They encourage not out of foolishness but out of ignorance.

There's some pure foolishness on there, to be sure. I have to laugh (so as not to cry) at some of Jeff's old lady friends who blindly encourage or discourage the dumbest of things:

JEFF'S STATUS:             "I'm going to start eating healthier."
OLD LADY COMMENT:    "BOOOO no don't let them take away yer fun!"

JEFF'S STATUS:             "I'm moving for the eighth time this year."
OLD LADY COMMENT:    "GOOD LUCK praying for you yaaayyy change!"

JEFF'S STATUS:             "Just got fired."
OLD LADY COMMENT:    "They'll sure be sorry when ur running applesoft one of these days!"

[Joe Republic]

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he logged back on the forum. A crowd soon gathered in IRC and he started posting with them. As he was typing, the moderators of the forum and the ban brigade brought a woman who had been caught in the act of trolling. They put her in front of the forum.

"Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of trolling. The site's Terms of Service says to ban her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and started playing Candy Crush on his phone. They kept demanding an answer, so he posted again and said, “All right, but let the one who is without infraction cast the first death point!" Then he stooped down again and played some more Candy Crush.

When the accusers read this, they started logging off one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was on the forum with the woman. Then Jesus started posting again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and troll no more.”

In my ten years on this forum, this is the first effort I have ever seen from BRTD at deliberate humor.

[Joe Republic]

Here's a paradox:  on the Tulsa's CBS affiliate Noon news, they just had a Weight Watchers healthy cooking segment sponsored by... Get ready... Braum's...  That doesn't make sense!  I know Braum's real well and I would never use it and Weight Watchers in the same sentence other than "You need WW after eating Braum's."

You know what you don't know well? The meaning of the word paradox.

Alright, how about oxymoron?

[Joe Republic]

Er, yeah, I have never bullied anyone.

[Joe Republic]

US: GOP-Tea Party Wing-Liberty Caucus
Indiana: Libertarian
EL Salvador: PCN, PDC or ARENA
Austrialla:Family First or Liberal Democratic
Canada:Christian Heritage or Libertarian
Italy:Future and Freedom or Union of Christian and Center Democrats

You would probably fit in with UKIP in the UK.

Depends on if they're pro-EU or Euroskeptic

[Joe Republic]

Boone Pickens was long for about this time @ $150, ooch. Back mid summer he said the Saudis where pumping a lot of water from their reserves, this and his not so good wind farm development.  humm?
Dollar strength, euro QE adding $0 equity, conquest on the move – the bad kind, with no sheriff in town, all’s good, except for those in the theater of Obama’s last supper.
...aah, speak of the devil , he's coming up on cnbc... see where he's at now

still long, a little..

I propose, at least, to limit this effluence to a single thread. Would everybody agree?

..oh crap

[Joe Republic]

It's a bit bigoted of them to hold such prejudice against fats, but as a wise Reverend once said, "bigotry is not necessarily a bad thing."

[Joe Republic]

It's time to go on another hiatus.

See you on Thursday.

Good Thursday Morning.

[Joe Republic]

OC's abbreviation for Missouri:

I also consider this fact, the last time OHIO, PENNSYLVANIA, flipped was in 2006 when MIZZ also flipped, and it may not be much of a presidential battleground, we do have our governor race there.

[Joe Republic]

"New York City or Brooklyn"