The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

If only I had a cat...
 or better yet,
 Obama could of tape the buttered bread to himself and showed the Chinease how best to deal with pollution and their disatants.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

You were a terrible poster so unless opebo is unbanned, why should you be?

You're right, we should wait and unban all the horrible posters at once. 

Dave Leip will do that at the rapture.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Who's Nick Clegg?

Nobody.

that April 2010 was a Hell of a month for him tho

Words cannot express how much I look forward to explaining to people in the future that Cleggmania was a thing that happened.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

When memphis makes me laugh it's time to stop reading this thread.

given the lack of funny in this thread since you posted this, this was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

He rose from poverty to separate two babies who had their heads fused together and has a plan to rescue America.

There needs to be a Carson ad where one baby is labeled "America" and the other is labeled "Socialism."

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Wtf, what kind of sicko does that

Well, Scott was racist...

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

humorous for readers of Update, context unnecessary:

I voted Kenya because I'm confident Italy will win anyway without my vote,  and because African countries simply don't get enough love here.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Hillary Clinton

From this:



To this:





SOOOOOOOO SAAAAAAAAD

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

The McAuliffe hatred on here had nothing to with him being an insider and had everything to do with the Obamabots disdain for his support of Hillary in 08.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Before invasion it's important to get a view of the battlefield, and of course that means maps. So I scouted for a thread about redistricting or gerrymandering and found only one thread in the Campaign and Political Reform board. The single post on the thread, which talked about IL, got the first name and years of Gov Dan Walker wrong - a clear sign of an unprepared foe. The map described in the post had a 2% variance, while we have a regiment of mappers who can work down to a 0.5% tolerance. No image is posted and no responses were either. Perhaps they lack our technology to discuss with maps or invoke Dave's Redistricting App. If true then their defenses are weak, and an infiltration with Atlas technology should make for a swift and successful battle.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I thought his reputation was destroyed in the last primary.

No, you see, he got "glasses, stem cell treatment, and...and...what was the third thing?"

Rand Paul: "An indictment?

Perry: "Yes, there we go, an indictment! (laughs)"

Moderator: "An indictment, Governor. Is that really the third thing?"

Perry: "No, no. I mean I did, but it's not what I physically got. It's glasses, stem cell treatment, and...and... let's see. I can't. Oops"

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

 

  The success of the liberal left progression to anarchy; to where, law and the court are of no use, to which, brutal uncivil force ensues with Shakespeare prevailing leaving 101 law looking for work.

 …hmm, nah, that’s not an issue.

 Damn, no problem, what’s a lawyer to do?

 Break the law, known in lawyer speak as creating precedence. 

Translation. You see, with the liberal left enervating the saliency of the rule of law, as opposed to the rule of the mob, Shakespeare's comment about killing all the lawyers will become a reality. They are no longer needed. Oh damn, lawyers never die, they don't even fade away. They are like maggots, you just can't get rid of them. And how will lawyers survive it all?  Well, of course by being the spear carriers for judicial activism, with their common law case law precedents which trash statutory law, making them a functional part of the lawless mob themselves. So it's all good - at least for lawyers.

How did I do?

 Yep, you’re certifiable, so much to look forward too.

 Would it be fair to compare the Forest Gump analogy of life is “like a box of chocolate” and law is that of a “pretzel”?  The beginning and the end are indistinguishable, therefore removing the blind lady and scales to that of a pretzel would be more appropriate prior the anarchy.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Also I just can't imagine a metal band ever including an insert like this in one of their records:



or any metal lyricist willing to call out himself for sexist behavior like in this song. Because this is EXACTLY the type of stuff that I saw people on metal forums make fun of in their "haha let's all laugh at those PC idiots in hardcore" threads that I saw reported on some of my forums all the time...

5. That kind of direct, painfully earnest disclaimer for one's own irony generally functions as ass-covering for doing the irony poorly. Honestly, I'd be with the metalheads in making fun of this, only in my case it'd be for its form rather than its content.
6. It also reads like an excerpt from a Dr Bronner's soap bottle.
[...]

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Time for some traffic problems in Shenzhen.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

This is mostly funny out of context. In context, it actually makes sense and is a pretty good post. Still:

(ERROR: VAGINA NOT FOUND)

Did the mods really delete this? 

Considering the post is still there, I would assume not.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

She has burned every possible bridge to the white race except for her DNA. 

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Jerusalem is obviously a great tune, but I personally can't take it seriously ever since someone told me that the appropriate answer to it is "no, no, no, no and get it yourself".

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

For the record, this says way more than it needs to:

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

My fiancee and I have set our wedding date for May 16th of this year. We're going to have a wedding done traditionally in my culture, but we're going to mix it up for her and her family as well.

Also today I learned if I don't vote for Bernie, I'm going to be rounded up by Trump and be thrown into the ovens....yes some hardcore Sandernistas are saying this...

Congrats!

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Is the allocation of colors based on the respective candidate's skin color?

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I'm pretty open to the idea of people creating an open culture for public nudity, public masturbation, and public sex. I think this should be normal. It's like Chaturbate without the internet. I also think guys and girls should familiarize with each other to the point to where there is no seemingly gender difference. I believe this will open a culture of consensuality where an individual chooses what they like sexually and by who. With less emphasis on sexuality, I think sexual behaviors will become rationalized. Young girls will have more respect for the intimacies of procreation and maybe masturbate instead of having intercourse with guys. I think it should be allowed but not to the point where everything is like sodom and gomorrah where everything is completely immoral. There should be agreed common moral boundaries, such as not using animals or those not of age. I would like to think this would bring about a world of unique etiquettes and friendships. For example, I came up with the idea that friends would casually fap with each other, regardless of gender, as if hanging outside in their own backyard. It could be a casual past time activity. I would love a society that has this feature. The less emphasis on nudity and sexuality, the more society will see each other as equal and have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I find the idea refreshing and delightful going out for a jog in the morning without caring if I have clothes on and passing my neighbors making love in the park and me having the ability to wave at them as I pass them by. Or going to Kroger in my boxers and a robe, not fighting the morning wood, and casually doing my shopping. Or even casually masturbating while waiting at an office for my turn to go inside a room before a report. Of course that would mean people would have to bring towels, disinfectants, and wipes wherever they go, but I could see this being main stream in the future. I think maybe a good idea would be to have a social trend that nudity and sexuality in public is more for the younger generation than the older generation and for those who keep their body healthy and fit and to avoid people who are obese. I could imagine many innovations in clothing, fashion, sub culture and media would be created for companies to increase their profit margins. I mean imagine young girls using body jewelry, hair cut styles for their pubic hair, clothes that are meant to be with topless or bottomless body styles. Imagine commercialization of openly selling sexual toys (like from a vending machine), creating public rides or machines for adults that give them pleasure in public, the ability to have open showers and sleeping benches, have nude or sexualized olympics and sports, have a nude holiday, celebrate Japan's Kanamara festival in the US, and have ads or movies that feature full nude celebrities and actors. And obviously this would just be the start. Eventurally people would find this normal one day and not think anything of it. Moreover, I guess I'm open to the idea because it's always been somewhat of a fantasy of mine. I hope this doesn't sound too disturbing, but these are my opinions. I would definitely vote for it.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I was wondering when someone would post that here. I'm thinking it was a regular user who created an account just to post that, which, if true, makes me think it might have a whiff of legitimacy to it since they wanted to post it anonymously.

  nah socks are a pretty standard satire vehicle too though.   whoever it is, I hope they stick around.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I say the word "sigh" all the time instead of actually sighing. Surely I'm not the only one?

No, my son does this as well and I'm getting tired of correcting him.  It's exceedingly annoying and it makes you look like a weirdo. 

Yet another reason not to support Clinton.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMU5C-fEXA8

He's a pretty good dancer.  I can't hear the words much because I'm in a chair at a waiting area near a gate at the airport and there's CNN blasting in one hear and Charlie Brown's teacher screaming in the other telling people not to leave their baggage unattended.  Weird effect too:

"Attention passengers....ISIS....we will begin our pre-boarding....in central Baghdad....for passengers who might need additional time....for planning terrorist attacks...."


I'm too lazy to dig the earbuds out, but it looks like a catchy tune.  There's also some jazz playing at Papi's bar just across the hall, but it's not the Louis Armstrong variety.  More of the Yani sort of music, so it's not pleasant at all.  It's okay, I'll be on the beach this afternoon.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Philly.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

 

Trump understands that Democrats and Mika's boyfriend answer with Alinsky-style ridicule.

is this some kind of refrigerator magnet set you recently bought