The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

(thread title: why won't the freakin' gop nominate rand paul!)

he clearly, is the most electable & strong candidate on the table. time and time again he's clearing best against the hottest contenders for the dems and yet still the idiots at the gop want to push bush or walker in? rand has the charismatic personality, pulls youth & minorities, binds together the tea party & establishment wing, and god is the man not afraid to stand up for a punch for what he believes. rand ultimately could fight & take states such as ohio, colorado, florida, virginia and more.

what is wrong with you people? please, if you want the white house back, i beg of you to put rand paul in. he is the man.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

you gotta be kidding me. hillary beat jeb?  tell me you are serious,  have you heard about the email situation,  her tenure as secretary of state...not one mention of that period @ the state department,  wonder why? maybe the poll data she's getting is telling her it's toxic, what other attributes can she call on? hmm!  her honesty & trustworthy nature,  nah! her warm personality? not! her husband bill,  maybe...but i think not. her record of accomplishment, er what record?  her incompetence knows no bounds (e.g. health care fiasco during hubby's presidency) & even using her position at state department to help her brother's has blown up in her face. jeb for his part has a record of success in florida...tax cuts & education reform,  his outreach to the hispanic community, is a true testament to competence and skills earned in the private sector. he doesn't need a relative to bolster his chances, unlike someone else we both know.  doesn't hide away from the media on a habitual basis.  jeb bush can lock down florida, he brings that to the table. he can hold texas in a general election (cruz & perry territory), kentucky (paul) & arkansas (huckabee ) so hillary, when you come down to it, is a more iffy prospect & the idea of her being inevitable is ridiculous.

(emphasis added)

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

This issue is not settled. 4-3 Traditional marriage wins because the advocates of marriage supremacy (gay marriage) have no honor in recusing over conflict of interest.

In that case the vote is 1-0 in favor of marriage equality as everyone besides Kagan has had a heterosexual marriage, creating a conflict of interest.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Time to stop being too "politically correct" and call a spade a spade, lived on the mean streets in both San Francisco and Boston, Democratic politicians were always there to cater to that element of the population, who are more than happy to free load, very prevalent in the ghettos. These balloon heads have no concept of the economy,  always something for nothing.

Come on Pubby, you know you want to say the N-word. Come on Tea Bagger, say it.

You are insulting one of the smartest posters here and furthermore, if heatmaster really was a tea party person, he wouldn't have anything nice to say about Governor Bush.

But let's get real here, the Democrats do try to win votes by offering hand-outs. Unfortunately, you are doing exactly what they want you to do - defend the welfare state and call all those who oppose the welfare state racists. The one thing tea party Republicans and the far left have in common is both appeal to less educated voters. The difference is, at least the tea party members aren't a burden on society.

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[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Heat isolated for low energy use.

Has Jeb Bush become a refugee as well?

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Man, I really hope y'all don't mind me doing this, but some of this hindsight is top tier material. Edited to leave in just the relevant parts:

Libertas was a genius who was clearly vastly more intelligent than pretty much everyone else here; which spelled his doom, since the thing people hate the most is when they're arguing with someone who's smarter than they are, and both of them know it.  He typically gave well-thought out, well sourced, intelligent arguments in debates, which he usually won; although he didn't give the time of day to idiots; which typically infuriated them.

---

Read his posting history.  You'll find it to be generally witty, constructive, and intelligent.

i liked libertas, but this is a bit silly.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

That GiF is so Torie.

Not really.  While he's old enough to have been the model for the engraving, I can't imagine him wearing an English riding outfit.

i'm sure we can get retromike to work some mspaint magic

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

WTH are transgender movements?

It's a novelty dance song popular in the west, based on a clarinet sample from Beethoven's until now lost fourth movement (Transexualia) of the Fifth Symphony. Pretty stirring stuff.

It's the latest dance craze and it's sweeping the nation
Stick your hands in the air  for an emasculation.
Use all the money you've saved for rent
An endocrine splurge for the transgender movement


Has a great Eurobeat sound.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Context:

significantly raises my opinion of rubio, if true.

oh, i'm quite serious.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

(almost certainly not the right place to put this. i just love it because it's quintessentially madeleine)

I think he was a pretty bad President whose accomplishments were almost entirely just taking credit for Republican initiatives and clearly kind of a sleazebag on a personal level, but the pearl-clutching in this thread is hilarious.

'Rosary-clutching', please; pearls are déclassé.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Not intentionally hilarious, but still.

Seattle is possibly the most liberal major city in the country, with SF and Portland being its two closest rivals.  We elected a legitimately evil "Trotskyite Socialist" Kshama Sawant to our city council, the far-far-far-far-left newspaper everyone reads, The Stranger, is run almost exclusively by gay communists,  and we have a giant statue of Lenin.  My precinct had a bunch of hippies with dreadlocks and those organic-store purses that are made to look like they were sewn together from patches, and there were a couple millenials in brown jackets standing together with hammer and sickle pins and red star hats.

I don't think Hillary is going to win this one.

Another interesting observation from the caucus:  the main argument the Bernie people had left was that Bernie beats Trump in the polls by more than Hillary, so he is the safe choice.  I think I heard that argument, and mostly a recitation of some poll that apparently had Hillary losing to Trump by a point, about a dozen times and not much else.  All the Bernie speakers had lists of talking points or were reading their speeches off of papers; the Clinton people came unprepared.  Anyway, it seems like an odd argument to make; I don't think anyone, including Team Sanders themselves, actually believes that Sanders is a stronger general election candidate than Hillary, unless they've been stuck in their bubble for too long.

tag yourself i'm the legitimately evil "trotskyite socialist"

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

come on now, we can't all be BRAVE REBELS like you two

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are bright and full of life.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes don't.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are like the eyes of someone who isn't as old as she is.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are not on her face.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes ain't no goddamned rat.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes ..well, let's not even go there.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are made of flawless glass.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes have come across a coupon for cheap Botox treatments.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes were covered by insurance.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are like black, vacuous holes that reveal the futility of effort and the inevitability of death.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are unable to see them. This is tale of her struggle with body adysmorphic disorder.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes beckon your own downwards to wrinkles that allude to the promises of new life. She is on top of you now, kissing. Her strength is surprising. You are overcome.

The wrinkles1 on her face may indicate her age, but her eyes are like a fountain of youth, spraying out thin streams of water that taste faintly of urine and pennies.

I hope this helped.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

I'm not gonna fall in line either. Trump was the GOP establishment candidate period. The media chose our candidate again and that's why unless a miracle happens Hillary wins.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Happy #Eid! The best pilgrimage accommodation is found in Trump Tower Mecca, I love Muslims!

Happy #InternationalWomensDay! The best cunnilingus is done in Trump Tower Boardroom. I love women!

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

hardly funny. dude seems genuinely mentally ill if you look at his twitter profile

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Haha, silly YouGov and these garbage internet pollsters.

I checked cross tabs and its all backwards.

NJ demographics (2014 Primary): 750% white, Z% African American, 4.5*10^-5% Mexican.
^ SOURCE

This pollster Hillary Winning 92% of Blacks, but I'm going to assume this is a rounding error so I will give her about 12% of blacks. So.. 12 * 2.10^-15 Blacks = .089 African American voters for Hillary. Trump is winning 53% of whites but since the word white has five letters I've decided it's fair to add 697% to his vote total here because we can assume he's going to drive turn out.

So.. Canada's 2012 election demographics were

Canadian   English   French   Scottish   Irish   German   Italian   Chinese   First Nations
32.1   19.8   15.4   14.3   13.8   9.7   4.5   4.5   4.1   3.8   3.2

We know that Irish people are always pissed off, and 4.5% times 10, assuming we derive it's result from the quadratic formula, equals 327, so I can assume Trump will win somewhere in the territory of 327 electoral votes, with New Jersey being his largest and safest margin of the 50 states.

You can see further analysis at StatesPoll.com! Have a good one.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

i'd be doïng as much as i could to secretly sabotage it (human)

At which point you would find yourself shocked that every time you went to do something to sabotage it, you found out Trump/Corey already planned on doing that exact thing as part of their official strategy.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

I guess even a broken clock is still right twice a day.

Think of it more as a perfectly functioning clock, which has hands that stop at a given point once every second.

Must be a tough clock to tell time with, considering that both hands are small.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

As for the tranny question, yes I do believe I have enough guns and ammo to hold out at least a day.

Goodness me, the debate over bathroom access has taken a nasty turn.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Somebody asked over three hundred Edinburgh-area Grindr users their opinions on the referendum. Of these, Grindr User Stephen has pretty much my exact opinion.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Kal is so skilled at good old-fashioned Atlas humor... The sheer dominance of this thread by him is proof.
Not even a sock of Groucho Marx could dethrone him! (though he could convince Dave to unban Snowstalker)

Why would anyone want Snowstalker unbanned?

why not?

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Should do quite well given how the Democrats have come out against trans-fats.

Yes, but Donald's stance against the Trans Pacific Partnership might hurt him. Transpeople should have the right to form civil unions with large oceans!

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

It's okay, Tock and the Humbug will bail him out.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

Good to see "Misty" getting clobbered!

It's a politically incorrect joke.

hey would you mind explaining the joke to me? i'm not sure i get it.