The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Goldwater]

I accidentally voted for a Democrat for Judge. I feel sick. She was campaigning and I hadn't heard of her opponent. She was listed without an affiliation. Googled her and sure enough...Democrat. Damn. I hope my vote isn't the crucial difference.

[Goldwater]

You have to laugh, otherwise you'd cry.

Americans voted for higher minimum wage, marijuana legalization, expanded access to abortion, gay marriage and the Republican Party.

Well, I'm a Republican who supports three out of four of those things.

[Goldwater]

Outside of battle, it allows dark caves to be illuminated; although within battle it decreases your opponent's accuracy. You're welcome.

[Goldwater]

Pixar and Studio Ghibli supported slavery and segregation in the 1860s.

[Goldwater]

^ He shouldn't even try... As soon as his opponent finds his and Fitzy's PAPOY posts...

My spin team will explain it as "youthful romance and friendliness" and it'll motivate the LGBT Ohio college student vote.

[Goldwater]

It's extremely offensive.  I much prefer to use the term 'niental'.

[Goldwater]

In a couple of years we'll all discover that TDASO4's sole purpose on the forum was to gather data points and potential smears for a PR organization on future politicians.

Little did they know that we'd all self-destruct anyway by referring to welfare recipients as "poors."

[Goldwater]

Aye, as long as he's under forty. I don't want another old moderate like Kennedy on the Court.

Ginsburg, Sotomayor, Kagan, Breyer, Torie, Kennedy, Roberts, Alito, Thomas

Maybe when Kennedy retires the right will get, say, Gonzales.

Bolded for emphasis, click for context.

[Goldwater]

Probably not his intention, but I found this post amusing.

I am still sure that gays does not exist.

Then you are an idiot.

Prove that gays exist.
See, you can't. They are only effect of fairy tales created to scare naughty children.

[Goldwater]

Sanders.

Nader isn't liberal at all. He's an authoritarian right winger.

[Goldwater]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=234842.0

Joe is absolutely correct. Saying "I could care less" (or using "literally" figuratively) should disqualify you from being President.

And yet you are a fan valley girl speech.

[Goldwater]

He lost it years ago when he began the libertarian takeover of the GOP.

in what world is he a libertarian? and what world have libertarians taken the party?

When he endorsed legalization of marijuana.

[Goldwater]

[Goldwater]

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the no no no

[Goldwater]

Let me solve this ongoing Eharding-RINO Tom debate on who the real conservatives are: neither of you are real conservatives.  In fact, no one with a negative social score should call themselves a conservative.  In fact, if any of the following are true, you are not a true conservative:

-I think free trade is a net negative for America
-I think abortion should be allowed in most or all cases
-I would rather have unrestricted privacy, even if it compromises public safety
-I believe that there are more than two genders
-I voted for Donald Trump in the primaries
-I did not vote for Donald Trump in the general election
-My social score is below a +5
-My economic score is below a +5

[Goldwater]

In many ways, all politics throughout all history has just been about the mutual hatred between rural people and urban people, all ideology was just window dressing.

"The history of all hitherto existing society is but the history of urban vs. rural struggles."

- Willips Brighton, The Manifesto of the Postmodern Liberal Snob Party