The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Flake]

YO AFLEITCH, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT NASO HAD ONE OF THE BEST CULTURAL OBSERVATIONS OF AMERICA OF ALL TIME

[Flake]

context necessary:

[Flake]

We laugh, but demographic targeting may soon create political campaigns targeted towards furries. Watch out for political analysts tracking the swing in the "Fur Vote", candidates making pledges promising cuts in the sales tax of animal costumes and campaign literature adorned with erotic Sonic the Hedgehog characters. This is your future America. One day President Shadow_The_Wolf_272 will sign the oath dressed as a fox, with his VP his own alternative personality.

[Flake]

Priceless.

[Flake]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=203954.0

[Flake]

Context:

NOM warned us, and did we listen?!?

[Flake]

[Flake]

Massive HC. All contraceptives are horrible.

Sexual relations are only acceptable between a married man and woman and for the specific purpose of procreation. Condoms are never necessary in that context. All of the instances where a couple would need them are instances where they shouldn't even be engaging in sexual relations in the first place. If you are not ready to have a child or don't even want one, then you have no business engaging in sexual relations at all; because their entire purpose (or at least their only legitimate purpose) is to bring a child into the world. Condoms encourage sexual immorality.

We need a ban on contraception similar to the one the Republic of Ireland had from 1935 to 1980.

[Flake]

Massive HC. All contraceptives are horrible.

Sexual relations are only acceptable between a married man and woman and for the specific purpose of procreation. Condoms are never necessary in that context. All of the instances where a couple would need them are instances where they shouldn't even be engaging in sexual relations in the first place. If you are not ready to have a child or don't even want one, then you have no business engaging in sexual relations at all; because their entire purpose (or at least their only legitimate purpose) is to bring a child into the world. Condoms encourage sexual immorality.

We need a ban on contraception similar to the one the Republic of Ireland had from 1935 to 1980.

Cory Gardner, is that you?

They're definitely the best. I'm admittedly still a virgin myself (haven't gone further than kissing/"upstairsy" making out), but when that time comes, it's of course really important for gay people to have them.

Plus our LAMBDA group won like thousands of them in a competition and aside from providing the school and ourselves with proper sex protection, we also found out they can be blown up which we call condom balloons.

[Flake]

Not a post, but those of you with signatures disabled are missing out on Oldiesfreak's creation:

I'm so glad I turned signatures off. So glad.

[Flake]

Rahm Emanuel will raise the minimum wage, but the man came in on polarized terms when he is dead set against the minimum wage and he waged a class warfare on Quinn, we he called his tax increase to fix public education a 67%.


We will never be satisfied with Rauner.

This was the most OC post I've seen in a very long time and I couldn't stop laughing.

[Flake]

typical tax and spend conservatives

[Flake]

i also Dont get why Normally prolife people make Exeptions for Rape and incest i mean my Parents were first Cousins so it was techically Incest and my Father was 28 and My mother was 15 so it was Technicaly rape too and im Perfectly Okay

This is the best post on the atlas forum imo

[Flake]

pbrower sends me a pm out of the blue

Pbrower is going to be the next mod.

[Flake]

Best answer I've seen to the raving Benghazi nuts yet.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

While I agree she did that with Foster... where is proof on Benghazi?

Here is a map of Libya now



Notice anything missing?


[/quote][/quote]
[/quote]

Why do you think Hillary is responsible for Vince Fosters death

[Flake]

Best answer I've seen to the raving Benghazi nuts yet.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

While I agree she did that with Foster... where is proof on Benghazi?

Here is a map of Libya now



Notice anything missing?

[/quote]

Why do you think Hillary is responsible for Vince Fosters death
[/quote]

Technically, I believe Foster's death was an "assisted" suicide. Hillary would be responsible for the later removal of documents, and possibly arranging the "suicide" (maybe not knowing that was Foster's intent)
[/quote]

Pls tell me you're not serious

[Flake]

Good evening, guys!  Based on studying Bible prophecy and then doing some research, I think I have stumbled across a candidate who fits the bill that the Bible points out for the Antichrist.  It is not Vladimir Putin or Barack Obama or Tony Blair.  He is a newcomer to the world scene - the new Prime Minister of Greece, Alexis Tsipras.  Here is what I believe that matches up with Scripture.  He is an atheist, first and foremost.  As a child in the early 1980's, he became involved with the Communist Youth of Greece.  He is leader of the Coalition of the Radical Left political party in Greece.  He is from Athens, Greece which fulfills the prophecy that he must come the European Union (the reborn Holy Roman Empire) and from Macedonia which includes Greece.  He is very pro-Palestine.  He has already talked with Pope Francis, who is shaping up to be the False Prophet, and they see eye to eye on a lot of thing.  I can't say 100% certain that he is indeed the Antichrist, but he is the best candidate we've had so far.  So, take that and chew on it for a little while.

[Flake]

Time to do the right thing:

[Flake]

It's time to suck it to the dumb environmental groups and get building.

It's ironic that you call the opposition to Keystone dumb, considering the scientists who study these projects are against it.

Sure, I'd prefer to eliminate oil one day and be totally on renewables, but that's a LONG ways off.
 
Look, the environmentalists have no actual evidence, backed up by a study, that says that Keystone would significantly harm the environment in any situation that doesn't involve a spill, and I've already addressed why the "it's risky" argument is a ridiculous strawman. The pipeline is no longer being investigated by Nebraska Courts. We've had six years to study its possible effects - and it's clearly not the automatic, guaranteed environment ruiner that the far-left would like it to be.

Look I get that it's not some masterful economy saver and I'd like to see serious regulation of any exporting, but neither of those are big enough concerns for any sensible person to be against the pipeline. It's time for Obama to just tell the Sierra Group, and leftist Senators, and everyone else who opposes it to just give up because there aren't even the beginnings of a logical argument against the pipeline.

Obama likes to think that republicans get nothing after their big victory last year. That's not how things should work. Republicans won big, so they have earned the right to get some of their ideas passed, and it should start with this pipeline. Obama's Veto today shows that, at least on this issue, he only cares about ultra-liberal Chris Murphy, Elizabeth Warren, Jeanne Shaheen, and their allies, and doesn't care about what's popular among the people, which is the Keystone Pipeline.

[Flake]

Obviously a super HP and I really don't know how this is close.

I mean let us consider what the Mechaman has actually said on this forum:

• Racist paddies who lynched black people deserve our sympathy from a historical perspective largely because they were poor and starving and "victims" of capitalism while the brave industrialists who helped fund the persecution of the Confederacy all the way to the end do not.  In fact, they deserved to be hated largely because they were a hypocritical class who made many people work and starve to death.
• Organized crime and political machinery are the natural results of clauses found in the previous point, as well as a reaction against a moralistic Puritanical regime in the highest echelons of power and influence that went out of their way to persecute the poor and the unprivileged.  See, it is not really the fault of the criminals themselves, it is society's fault!  Seriously, what a shameless libertine bastard this man is.
• Jokes pretty openly about how he likes pre-ops and tried to claim he is not a closet case because they have "breasts" or some sh*t.  I mean this is the 21st century and we are all enlightened people, but come on obvious closet case is obvious.
• His timelines are full of people who seem to be overwhelmingly racist, homophobic, sexist, and just all around sh*theads.  I mean yes, he is depicting people in the privacy of their own homes and conference rooms, but please a little PC Mechaman?  Not to mention that his character driven timelines seem to include a ludicrous gibbs amount of sexual innuendoes, references to sexual activity, and a lot of the women in them seem proud of their bodies and okay with sleeping with dudes.  This alone should be an easy HP vote.
• Gets on here regularly, sh*tfaced, and makes love songs to people.  Namely Teddy and Inks, both of which are no longer with us.  I would like to think that Mechaman's traumatizing attacks on them had something to do with it.
• Going back to point one, regularly touts his supposed "Irishness" (come on Mecha, really?  How Irish are you?  What's that last name of yours again?  Ha yeah right!) as a reason why he would not be a huge fan of the Federalist, the Whigs, and even the Republican party.  Really seems like a cop out to vote for a bunch of black hating racists if he lived in the 19th century, just my personal two cents.  Not a surprise given that a lot of historical rants seem to be more about how the "enlightened" (word almost always put into quotation marks to indicate that he is mocking the word) northern industrialists totally ignored the conditions many white ethnic faced while being truthfully concerned about the exploitation of blacks in the South.  Truth is, anyone who is a true anti-racist and a fan of equality should not ever vote Democratic, regardless of the cynical falsehoods that Mechaman and others try to sell on people.
• Going further off of that last note, he seems to go out of his way to defend the previously mentioned states rights and small government activists were somehow to the left of the parties of tariffs and industry.  Now granted, this is a contrived troll act and by now I am contradicting some earlier key aspects of this character, but what people thought was "liberal" or "conservative" back then really should not matter.  What matters is who was right and who was wrong.  And frankly, government intervention is a fundamentally liberal concept with the idea of improving society and results are also left wing, so he is just being an idiot loser.
• Regardless of how many political shifts he has experienced on here, he seems to laugh in the face of polite language and manners.  He says the f word and the s word almost without abandon (despite promising Dave Leip he would stop) and he says ethnic and homophobic slurs like it's not a big deal.  Of course he could defend himself on this latter note, noting that he is writing these words in educational threads and in alternate history timelines, but really it seems to be an inner white middle upper class need to call something a racial slur and get away with it.  To make matters worse he often gangs up on people for calling out others for using mean words, which suggests that he realizes what he is doing is wrong and is so adamant in defending himself and others of the obvious aggression they are causing others that he ends up mocking those he wishes to "correct" (sorry couldn't resist).
• And despite his left wing political shift, he seems to beat up more upon rich and affluent liberals more so than he does conservatives!  Of course he could claim that he is only doing this because everyone else on the forum beats up rich conservatives so it is unnecessary for him to do so and something yada yada class consciousness, but at the end of the day he seems hell bent on attacking New Democrats and other establishment Democratic types than he does addressing the far right Tea Party and other elements of the Republican Party.  Seems a lot closer to a mypalfish than it does to a genuine socialist, don't you think?  A real socialist would at least support Hillary Clinton, realizing that in this political system to do otherwise is a waste effort that only emboldens the money men.
• His mocking of any and all decent moral standards is also condemnable.  Regardless of your political position crime should be seen as crime.  Mechaman doesn't think so.  IN fact, in his world crime seems to be almost an act of self defense from the working class against the rich "elitists" (whoever the hell that may be) and that sex is something that the government should stay out of entirely unless it involves someone getting it who does not want it.  He goes even further to state that if a man receives anal sex he is not gay (again going back to the part about trans porn, he seems to be coming up with excuses to get away with his very obvious closet gayness) if it is being done by a woman or even a dude.  Supposedly sexual orientation is not about what you like being done to you, but about your personal and emotional connection to the person who is doing it!  I mean really, OUTRAGE!  NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE WILL SAY THAT CATS SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH DOGS OR SOMETHING!

With that stated, super solid Horrible Person right here.  By virtually most standards on this forum.

People who voted FF need to really access their priorities.  I mean really.

[Flake]

great point brb having consensual sex with crustaceans

[Flake]

Do gays even have a right to form a domestic partnership/civil union anymore? Or are we forced to get a SSM if we oppose it? I can't find any information on it, at least in California