Update XIX: Melancholy and the Infinite Napping

[J-Mann]

Reposted. You need to address this:

An inability to admit that your refusal to change (in spite of all the sound advice and ENCOURAGEMENT from so many over the years) has COST YOUR FAMILY UNNECESSARY MONEY is cowardly.

You want us to focus on the good? I tried that with you. A lot. Didn't work. You're no better off today than you were when you started this whole saga. And it is costing your family more now than it ever has.

Maybe it's not intentional, but it's deeply rooted in, at best, ignorance. More likely, you prefer only happiness where no one calls you on your BS.

Your inability to implement the smallest of change to better yourself HURT your family today. Wake up, Jeff. Your inaction has consequences that go beyond you!

Are you getting the picture yet? Your refusal to a) actually work to build a career and study your supposed skills, b) take better care of your health and lose weight and c) learn basic life skills like cooking or shopping on your own IS HURTING OTHER PEOPLE. This is not a consequence-free existence, Jeff. And consequences could hurt more than just you.

Are you happy your history ended up in your family spending ultimately unnecessary money on you? Are you happy they're $100 poorer because of it (and don't give me the $79.99 BS ... add taxes, time and travel, and you cost them $100). A positive attitude means nothing if you ignorantly continue to sh:t on other people.

Keep it up, Jeff. Ignore how you're killing yourself. Your family will have to pay for your funeral, too (average of $10,000). How does that make you feel?

[J-Mann]

Lunch time.  Today has been very productive so far.  My back still hurts, but it may take time to alleviate.  I really need to lose weight.  I'm sure if I lost even 25-50 pounds, my back would feel better.  So, I am going to try to behave myself the rest of the year except for Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day.  I know I'll feel better if I can get some of this weight off.

No sh:t, Sherlock. It's killing you and putting a burden on others, whether you admit it or not.

You want a solid plan that can get you there? Ask me, or Patrick or anyone who has real experience with changing their lives through diet and exercise. But you actually have to DO something ... and you've never been willing to before.

[J-Mann]

Due to poor housekeeping of mirror and frame you can't see it but I can now fit both legs in one of my old pants. I keep one pair to remind myself what I dont want to go back to. I was fatter and didnt start until just before turning 34. Do it for yourself.

F*** yeah! Now that's something to be proud of!!

That same type of dedication is how I managed to put on 50 pounds of muscle:

[J-Mann]

You look good, as well, Jesse.  I'm serious that Patrick has sparked something inside of me.  I want to know what you both did to get down to that healthy weight and then I want to find a way to implement that into my life and my situation.

It's all about execution, Jeff. Patrick was fat. I was scrawny. We both needed to change in order to be our better selves, and we did more than plan. We DID. Talking about wanting to do something doesn't work. Doing something does.

I can't tell you how many times I was in pain lifting weights and changing my diet far beyond what I was accustomed to. But I did it. And I was better for it. So many have done this, Jeff. You can, too. You just have to DO.

[J-Mann]

Thank you guys for your encouragement this evening.  It is time to put action to my plans.  As the Bible says in the book of James - Faith without works is dead.  This is just the beginning of our discussions of this journey.  Tomorrow, I will start putting it into practice as best I can.  I will likely fall short of my goal every now and then, but the key will be to get back up and do it again.  I will take a "break" for Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, but then again, I won't gorge myself either, limiting myself to one helping of each dish, and at least it will be mostly healthier options with turkey and vegetables.  The only unhealthy part will be dessert and I'll not overdo it there, either.  At least there won't be burgers, fries, and shakes at the holiday meals.  New Year's Day we always follow tradition and have black-eyed peas at dinner (except for Dad who detests them), so that's something to look forward to.

I am going to read my Bible for a little bit this evening and then go to bed at 2200 to get ready for a Friday, Day 15, and the closure of Week 3.

Holy sh[inks], yes! This! But you've got to DO, Jeff. And continue DOING. Don't stop.

A feast day on a couple of holidays isn't a big deal if you follow through on both eating well and execising every day.

[J-Mann]

I just looked through the lease paperwork and I couldn't find anything mentioning voluntarily ending the lease early.  I know when I tried to break the lease of my Midwest City apartment in 2009 I had to pay 3 months of rent or risk my credit being forever tarnished.

What is the term of the lease (ie: how many months)? Did you ever investigate subleasing (ie: Google "how to sublease an apartment")?

[J-Mann]

Bushie's diet, Day 1:

Bushie doesn't live inside a McDonalds advertisement, much as he may want to. The thing he ate looked more like this:

Maybe I'm missing an inside joke, but if he ate that ... nice work!

*for the record, for several hours, this was an image of a very good-looking woman!

[J-Mann]

Phil, relax, my brother is just voicing his opinion.  He is allowed to say that Italian pizza is horrible.  There is no need to get all up in arms about that comment.  Letting it get to you is a sign that he's owning you.

Grumps, I just had a small breakfast and will leave a little earlier than planned this evening to eat before I bowl.  I will likely eat at the bowling alley.  I never asked Grandma to do my laundry, but she probably is anyway.

Questions:

1) Why not insist that, in order to help in a situation where the housing alone is an enormous favor, you do your own laundry, and maybe even hers? Tell her to relax, get her a glass of iced tea and pamper her a bit.

2) You do know that eating at the bowling alley isn't honoring a diet, right? The food there would be horrid. And in preemptive response to your question, "What would you have me do, starve?" No, I'd have you make time over the next nearly-six hours to hit up a grocery store and grab some good and healthy food (ie: ground turkey, whole wheat buns and fruits / veggies) to bring home and suggest that you and Granny cook a healthy meal together.

3) Why does your brother wear old-lady-who-just-had-cataract-surgery sunglasses?

Also, eat lunch, Jeff. As long as you're eating healthy, you should eat more often. The 600-pound lardos profiled on TLC often only eat once a day. They are tricking their bodies into thinking they're starving, so when they do eat (usually great quantities), their bodies retain more fat because they're thinking they're in a food-shortage situation. Science.

[J-Mann]

Forgot you were in Tulsa. I'd still recommend ground turkey, turkey bacon and whole wheat bread for Granny's house.

Do you eat sushi?

[J-Mann]

Forgot you were in Tulsa. I'd still recommend ground turkey, turkey bacon and whole wheat bread for Granny's house.

Do you eat sushi?

I don't eat sushi.

Is it because you think you won't like it, or because you've actually tried multiple types and don't like it?

Keep in mind, excessive processed food over long periods of time effect your taste buds.

[J-Mann]

Golden Corral is a place to go for better cuts of meat and vegetables?

Yep, sure is.

Have you ever had a real prime steak?

[J-Mann]

My starting weight on this journey yesterday morning was 287 1/2.  I will weigh again Monday morning when I get to the same scales.  I am using Grandma's scales which is an actual scale such as you would see in a doctor's office.  It's not a digital scale.

Can I make a suggestion? Instead of weighing every day like you are used to, try to make changes and stick with them for a full week, then weigh yourself, see how much progress you've made (or not), and change the routine accordingly. You stand a better chance of losing a more significant amount over a longer period of time, which could be a good mental victory for you, too. Daily, or even every other day, weight checks may give a false impression of what's working and what isn't.

[J-Mann]

I recommend seasonal music to accompany Update:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Bushie gave to me:

•   12 jobs a-failing
•   11 excuses boiling
•   10 hours sleeping
•   9 pins a-falling
•   8 bowls a-gorging
•   7 games a-watching
•   6 dinners attending

•   5 GOLDEN CORRALS!

•   4 ex-fiancés
•   3 church groups
•   2 sad dogs
•   And a sack of unused walking gear

[J-Mann]

I recommend seasonal music to accompany Update:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Bushie gave to me:

•   12 jobs a-failing
•   11 excuses boiling
•   10 hours sleeping
•   9 pins a-falling
•   8 bowls a-gorging
•   7 games a-watching
•   6 dinners attending

•   5 GOLDEN CORRALS!

•   4 ex-fiancés
•   3 church groups
•   2 sad dogs
•   And a sack of unused walking gear

It won't be even the first day of Christmas for another month and change. This music isn't 'seasonal'. STOP THE WAR ON ADVENT.

[J-Mann]

What will you have for thanksgiving dinner?

Stove top stuffing

Sigh....

Yes. Certain relatives of mine did this for years. I think they're disgusting. Stove top stuffing and not in-bird? An insult to both America and Jesus.

Okay, enough. (1) Some of us don't have time to make stuffing by hand. (2) Cooking it in the bird is a recipe for food poisoning.

The Family Texas is having barbequed pulled pork for Thanksgiving dinner. The stuffing will not have been inside the animal in question at any point.

Agreed. Encouraging Jeff to eat better is one thing, and there are ways to do that with regard to both cost and time. Acting disgusted because his family doesn't have the culinary genius of Alton Brown is ... over the top.

[J-Mann]

So far today I've had a large Cortland apple, a small bowl of maple syrup yogurt, a tall glass of apple cider, two small slices of leftover olive-and-onion pizza, and a small bowl of spinach, carrot, and onion salad with olive oil and vinegar dressing. I'm thinking of having a peanut butter sandwich and a few glasses of water later in the afternoon, and for dinner I'll probably have a bowl or two of fish soup. And this isn't even me eating particularly well. Does any of that sound at all appealing to you, Bushie?

Jesus Christ ... you might want to see a doctor about having that massive stick up your ass removed.

KIDDING, kidding ... but seriously, Jeff won't find any of that appealing. You might as well be recommending exercise and gay sex. The key with him will be manageable changes that appeal to his tastes and are not complete lifestyle changes.

[J-Mann]

Today was a very good day of work.  We are working our way down the list of another project.  There are three of us on this project and as of the end of the day we have 36 drawings in this current project to divide up among the three of us.  We are in the process of converting them back into Visio.  Each drawing only takes 5 minutes or so.  With three of us on the project, there is no reason that we shouldn't have them done by 1000 or 1100 in the morning.  Who knows what we'll do once that is completed.  Our boss is out all week and our assistant lead will be out tomorrow, so we will just have our main lead leading the brigade.  There are two of my contractor colleagues who are still training, which leaves the three of us on this one project.  Tomorrow could be a full day, but there is also a chance we may be released early.  It all depends if any more work has come in.

Are you actually doing any CADD work, or are you just converting large amounts of files?

[J-Mann]

Yeah, Bushie is doing some major lying by omission regarding what he eats. Lots and lots of cheatsnacks are going unreported. But whatever. Update is in the style of William Faulkner. The narrator is clearly neither omniscient nor honest.

He actually may be reporting accurately -- his "meal plan" the other day consisted of cereal in the morning, no lunch and then a (likely) big dinner. Fat people often think eating less frequently is the answer to their weight loss problems, when it just throws their bodies into starvation mode. When they do eat, they tend to eat heavier meals and retain more fat, since their bodies don't know when the next meal will come.

[J-Mann]

Good Sunday Afternoon.  I am home from a great worship service.  Very insightful.  The message helped to re-confirm my calling to move to Kenya.  I was starting to get down on myself that I wasn't doing what I need to to get there, but then after talking with my best friend at the church, I realize that maybe I am.  I am working right now and Mom and I are very successfully paying off my debt so I can be debt-free when I do go.  I'm still probably 3-4 years away from moving over there, but I'm hoping that sometime in 2018 or 2019 I can move over there for a year or two.  I am not called to go now, but I am called right now to start preparing myself to go over there.  Mom and I just paid off a major bill in October and I am starting to snowball onto another bill.  I am going to sit down with my pastor pretty soon and get his insight into what I need to be doing.

So, we've totally lost interest in weight loss of any kind, right?

[J-Mann]

Good Sunday Afternoon.  I am home from a great worship service.  Very insightful.  The message helped to re-confirm my calling to move to Kenya.  I was starting to get down on myself that I wasn't doing what I need to to get there, but then after talking with my best friend at the church, I realize that maybe I am.  I am working right now and Mom and I are very successfully paying off my debt so I can be debt-free when I do go.  I'm still probably 3-4 years away from moving over there, but I'm hoping that sometime in 2018 or 2019 I can move over there for a year or two.  I am not called to go now, but I am called right now to start preparing myself to go over there.  Mom and I just paid off a major bill in October and I am starting to snowball onto another bill.  I am going to sit down with my pastor pretty soon and get his insight into what I need to be doing.

So, we've totally lost interest in weight loss of any kind, right?

I've never said anything like that.

It has completely disappeared from any conversation and, based on your reports of what you have eaten since making that commitment a week ago, you haven't changed a single thing. Not even a commitment on baby steps (ie: not planning, but follow-through). What else should we think?

[J-Mann]

Good Sunday Afternoon.  I am home from a great worship service.  Very insightful.  The message helped to re-confirm my calling to move to Kenya.  I was starting to get down on myself that I wasn't doing what I need to to get there, but then after talking with my best friend at the church, I realize that maybe I am.  I am working right now and Mom and I are very successfully paying off my debt so I can be debt-free when I do go.  I'm still probably 3-4 years away from moving over there, but I'm hoping that sometime in 2018 or 2019 I can move over there for a year or two.  I am not called to go now, but I am called right now to start preparing myself to go over there.  Mom and I just paid off a major bill in October and I am starting to snowball onto another bill.  I am going to sit down with my pastor pretty soon and get his insight into what I need to be doing.

So, we've totally lost interest in weight loss of any kind, right?

I've never said anything like that.

It has completely disappeared from any conversation and, based on your reports of what you have eaten since making that commitment a week ago, you haven't changed a single thing. Not even a commitment on baby steps (ie: not planning, but follow-through). What else should we think?

People have to realize that since I'm living with someone, there are some changes I cannot make.  I will not be rude and not eat what she gives me.  Hospitality and manners are far more important than losing weight.  That said, I can try to encourage healthy eating.  Grandma usually fixes healthy meals.  Healthy doesn't have to involve stir-fry type dishes.  Meat and vegetables are what she grew up on at the table and is what she passes down to her kids and grandkids.  Roast, ham, and beef and noodle casserole can be healthy.  Mashed potatoes are not outrageously bad.  Green Beans do not have to be fresh.  Canned GB works just as well especially when she doesn't put margarine in them.  Old country, southern cooking is not inherently unhealthy.

Realistically, you can't be expected to eat like the granola-munchers around here. That's probably too radical of a change if you're trying to do this on your own. But you are a fool if you can't grow enough of a backbone to say, "Grandma, look -- I love you and so much appreciate everything you're doing for me, but I am well over 100 pounds overweight. I don't eat well most of the time. Can I help plan some dinners that include more lean meats like chicken and turkey and some fresh vegetables? I need to make these changes because my body is a wreck. Will you help me?"

And you probably could knock off the eating out all the time and work in turkey sandwiches and take some veggies in a ziplock bag. Eat regularly and control your portions.

By your response I can already tell you're giving up, because it's "out of my hands."

[J-Mann]

How about this, guys, you know I can't stay away from the update.  How about we just change the subject and leave me to live my life how I please?  I may lose more weight if I don't have birds chirping in my ear all the time criticizing me for every adverse and boneheaded move.

Jeff, actually start with ONE THING. Not a promise. Not a plan. Not an "I'll get around to doing that." Just start DOING. You talk so much about changing your life but never execute.

Can anyone suggest a lunch that Jeff can purchase and pack for himself every day (without suggesting some hipster BS like celery veins and half of an apple shadow ... be realistic) so he can get started?

Here's mine:

Get some whole grain tortilla wraps and TURKEY lunch meat. It's not the greatest for you, but healthier than fast food by a long shot.

Spread a small bit of horseradish on a tortilla (not a lot; don't treat it like mayo). Layer some turkey onto a tortilla along with some lettuce, a light amount of LOW FAT shredded cheese. I'd encourage you to dice in some tomatoes and bell peppers, too.

Roll it all up and cut it in half. Get some baby carrots and celery and take a small amount of low fat ranch dressing to dip them in for your side.

That's easy, not expensive, you'll buy enough to use over and over, and best of all, it's a step in the right direction. TRY IT. Don't give me any toddler BS about not liking something ... you haven't challenged your palette for years, and it will take some time to get used to a new diet.

But TRY IT. You no doubt can get to a grocery store tonight and purchase, for probably less than $15, all of the items required.

Stop with the excuses, Jeff. Some of us actually don't enjoy watching a man kill himself and are trying to pry your finger off the trigger.

[J-Mann]

How about this, guys, you know I can't stay away from the update.  How about we just change the subject and leave me to live my life how I please?  I may lose more weight if I don't have birds chirping in my ear all the time criticizing me for every adverse and boneheaded move.

Jeff, actually start with ONE THING. Not a promise. Not a plan. Not an "I'll get around to doing that." Just start DOING. You talk so much about changing your life but never execute.

Can anyone suggest a lunch that Jeff can purchase and pack for himself every day (without suggesting some hipster BS like celery veins and half of an apple shadow ... be realistic) so he can get started?

Here's mine:

Get some whole grain tortilla wraps and TURKEY lunch meat. It's not the greatest for you, but healthier than fast food by a long shot.

Spread a small bit of horseradish on a tortilla (not a lot; don't treat it like mayo). Layer some turkey onto a tortilla along with some lettuce, a light amount of LOW FAT shredded cheese. I'd encourage you to dice in some tomatoes and bell peppers, too.

Roll it all up and cut it in half. Get some baby carrots and celery and take a small amount of low fat ranch dressing to dip them in for your side.

That's easy, not expensive, you'll buy enough to use over and over, and best of all, it's a step in the right direction. TRY IT. Don't give me any toddler BS about not liking something ... you haven't challenged your palette for years, and it will take some time to get used to a new diet.

But TRY IT. You no doubt can get to a grocery store tonight and purchase, for probably less than $15, all of the items required.

Stop with the excuses, Jeff. Some of us actually don't enjoy watching a man kill himself and are trying to pry your finger off the trigger.

That actually sounds good.  I might substitute a small amount of mustard for horseradish, but the rest of it actually sounds delicious.  There is a Walmart only 3 miles away so I can run down there and be back pretty quickly.

Mustard is good, too. And the raw veggies as a side are important. This would be a step toward starting to integrate them more and more into your diet and enjoying them.

[J-Mann]

I just got back from Walmart and got everything you suggested and will fix that for my lunch tomorrow.  I'm glad to know that mustard is good.  I've never liked mayo because of taste and I feel it is less healthy than mustard.  IIRC, and correct me if I'm wrong, the only thing mustard has that's more unhealthy than mayo is more sodium.  Mustard has no calories and very little fat and therefore doesn't add much to the sandwich or whatever its put on except a little sodium.  Like I said, please tell me if that's not true and tell me what the correct figures are.

My dad switched to mustard after having a quadruple bypass a couple of years ago. Mayo is almost pure fat.

This is a good start, Jeff. What will be important is to stick to it. Cut out fast food for lunch. Take that leap. Make a small change, stay with it and add more as you go.

[J-Mann]

How was the turkey wrap for lunch? Did you have carrots and celery, too?