Update XIX: Melancholy and the Infinite Napping

[IceSpear]

How many of you have ever had 2 bowls of cereal in one sitting? I can't say I ever have.

That's normal for me, especially if the bowl is small.  Occasionally, I'll pour a third bowl if I'm really hungry.  I remember as an elementary-school kid I downed 8 bowls of cereal in one sitting.  That's my record and something I cannot do anymore due to my lactose semi-intolerance.

...what

[IceSpear]

Bushie, have you ever considered gastric bypass surgery? I heard it can work wonders, and its permanent unlike lipo.

[IceSpear]

Bushie, have you ever considered gastric bypass surgery? I heard it can work wonders, and its permanent unlike lipo.

Asking this again because I'm genuinely curious and you ignored it. And I'm not just saying this to make fun of you, it could actually help you change your life. Would the Indian healthcare cover the procedure? Here's an example of a before and after pic.

[IceSpear]

So probably like 50,000 posts have been spent on Bushie going on a diet and people trying to motivate him to exercise, something all of us damn well know he will never do because he doesn't have nearly enough willpower and has failed like a thousand times, but I'm ignored twice when I suggest a simple procedure that would take care of the problem without Bushie having to do anything besides go in and get the surgery. Unless Bushie has already looked into it and his doctor denied it/insurance wouldn't cover it, the only thing I can think of is that he actually ENJOYS being obese.

Seriously dude, it's not a Satanist Wiccan ritual and I'm not making it up. Look it up yourself!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery

[IceSpear]

You still have to have some will to want to not be a big fat fatty with gastric bypass. Bushie's complete unwillingness to walk anywhere and change anything at all with his diet will still keep the weight on.

Wouldn't he be physiologically unable to eat as much as he does now? He might still be fat, but he'd definitely fall way below what he is now.

[IceSpear]

IceSpear, I have thought about the procedure, but I guess I'm too afraid of going under the knife.

It would be well worth it in the long run. Like Flo said, you'd probably get anaesthetized anyway.

[IceSpear]

IceSpear, I have thought about the procedure, but I guess I'm too afraid of going under the knife.

It would be well worth it in the long run. Like Flo said, you'd probably get anaesthetized anyway.

True.  It is definitely something I will consider, but I still want to try more natural means first.  I haven't given up on it, yet.  I will get back to it again tomorrow and try to watch what I eat and watch how much I eat.  I'm not going to promise what I'm going to do, but I am going to try to urge Grandma and Mom to sit down and plan out a menu that has appropriate portions of meat and vegetables.

How about you give yourself a deadline? Say if by 2016 you don't lose a meaningful amount of weight (that way you can make it your 2015 resolution), you must go get gastric bypass.

[IceSpear]

It's windy, but its always windy in Oklahoma.

This should be the new "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".

[IceSpear]

It is confirmed, my friend and I will go bowling at 1800 this evening.

And who is this "friend", I didn't know you had any?  Is it someone from your church group?

Its a friend from church.  He's on his way to the bowling alley now.

Bushie, do you have any friends or acquaintances who are atheist/agnostic?   

Much like gays in Iran, they do not exist in Oklahoma.

[IceSpear]

You wanna bet?  Braum's is only 3 miles up the road...

Wait, three miles is considered a short distance to have to drive to get fast food in Oklahoma?

[IceSpear]

How about this, guys, you know I can't stay away from the update.  How about we just change the subject and leave me to live my life how I please?  I may lose more weight if I don't have birds chirping in my ear all the time criticizing me for every adverse and boneheaded move.

Jeff, actually start with ONE THING. Not a promise. Not a plan. Not an "I'll get around to doing that." Just start DOING. You talk so much about changing your life but never execute.

Can anyone suggest a lunch that Jeff can purchase and pack for himself every day (without suggesting some hipster BS like celery veins and half of an apple shadow ... be realistic) so he can get started?

Here's mine:

Get some whole grain tortilla wraps and TURKEY lunch meat. It's not the greatest for you, but healthier than fast food by a long shot.

Spread a small bit of horseradish on a tortilla (not a lot; don't treat it like mayo). Layer some turkey onto a tortilla along with some lettuce, a light amount of LOW FAT shredded cheese. I'd encourage you to dice in some tomatoes and bell peppers, too.

Roll it all up and cut it in half. Get some baby carrots and celery and take a small amount of low fat ranch dressing to dip them in for your side.

That's easy, not expensive, you'll buy enough to use over and over, and best of all, it's a step in the right direction. TRY IT. Don't give me any toddler BS about not liking something ... you haven't challenged your palette for years, and it will take some time to get used to a new diet.

But TRY IT. You no doubt can get to a grocery store tonight and purchase, for probably less than $15, all of the items required.

Stop with the excuses, Jeff. Some of us actually don't enjoy watching a man kill himself and are trying to pry your finger off the trigger.

You're probably better off channeling all your energy into trying to get him to do gastric bypass surgery. I'm 100% convinced that's the only way he will be alive in the next decade.

[IceSpear]

LOL, of course there is a soda.

My meals are usually pretty simple. For breakfast, I have a cup of special k with some sliced banana, and a cup and a half of grapes after. For a snack, I'll have some celery. Lunch is a black bean boca patty on a sandwich thin with some low fat cheddar, and carrots to go with it. Mid-day snack is either coco almonds, or some more grapes. Dinner tonight is an asian style fried rice with brown rice, with some egg whites, and FILLED with fresh veggies that I got from the store.

At no point today, did I drink any thing other than a cup of tea in the morning (no cream or sugar..not a diet thing, just hate them in my tea) and my water.

What's wrong with the pop?  You gloss over a healthy meal and focus on the pop, which has no calories on its own?  That's pretty arrogant.

It's bad for your teeth, and because you drink caffeinated pop, it increases your risk of heart attack.

The teeth problem can be solved through drinking with a straw. I do that any time I drink soda or iced tea.

[IceSpear]

Is masturbation/viewing pornography a felony in Oklahoma?

[IceSpear]

I never said I didn't care about physical needs.

Oh trust me, we all know that.

[IceSpear]

Alright, I've had enough, guys.  I'm done being treated like crap on this forum.

You say that about as often as you eat Braum's.

[IceSpear]

Bushie would quit half way through the first robbery. No way it's him.

[IceSpear]

The day of Bushie's Facebook purges will live in infamy. Never forget 1/2.

[IceSpear]

It's been a fun three days of doing little to nothing, but I am ready to really get this year started.  I've got a normal Sunday tomorrow consisting of two church services, playoff football, and getting ready for work.  Then, I'll get back to normal at work on Monday, getting back to business casual attire and starting the first forty-hour week since the week before Christmas.  Monday will begin Month 3 and Week 10 of work.  I am not going to worry about Week 11 until we get to Friday at 1700.  All indications are that we will start getting real busy this week with the Christmas vacations over and done with.  I feel rested and rejuvenated after this long weekend, but I'm ready to get this show on the road.

Just pretending The Purge never happened...Bushie would make a great politician.

[IceSpear]

Longtime update watchers: What's the longest amount of time Bushie has held a job? It seems like the median is 2-3 months.

[IceSpear]

Oh my, so many complements the past two pages.  (I'm saying that sarcastically, of course).  I don't care what anyone else, except my parents, think.  I'm not going to go through and answer every single post since I last posted.  That would be ridiculous and time consuming.  Suffice it to say that no one can blame me for this lay off.  Everyone has to agree with the truth that it wasn't my fault.  What is more debatable, however, is that I am doing the best I can not letting it get me down.  I am doing what I feel I need to do to put myself in the best position to get a job as soon as possible.

Not as ridiculous and time consuming as celebrating the New Year for 24 different time zones.

[IceSpear]

Am I fat?  You betcha. 

This should be a title at some point.

[IceSpear]

4.  I just am uncomfortable taking life-altering advice from internet strangers.  Most of the advice is sound, and I do take it at times (i.e. the turkey wrap), but it's just the internet stranger thing.

Then what is the point of these past XIX seasons of Update?  So that we can tell you how amazing you are?

We all know the answer to this. It starts with "attention" and ends with "whore".